Lee's Birthday!
by Silversnow
Summary: Lee throws a party. Stuff ensues. Read rating reasons, please.
1. Opening the letter!

Boring author's notes:

First, a word of warning. Don't get too attached to this thing if you don't like reading a lot. I have currently written 73 pages about this and isn't done yet, so it's probably one of the longest unserious things _evah_! Second word of warning is that you should **NOT** take anything in this seriously. At all. Absolutely nothing. This is just for fun. The third word is that thou shalt not expect updates all too often, I only have access to internet during the week-ends now. That sucks.

Oh, right! Rated because of gayness, violence, cursing, religion,drug abuse andunserious attitudes towards alcoholism, British people,rape and drug-addictions. I know none of these things are to be joked about. If you find those things too serious to joke about, you might not want to read it. Ifyou are offended anyway, sorry. Remember that I don't mean any harm.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that appear in Tekken games.

Enjoy. :)

- - -

**LEE'S BIRTHDAY!**

**PROLOGUE**

**(One week before Lee's birthday)**

Gon gave the envelope on the floor a suspicious look. He leaned down, trying to see who it was from. He saw nothing special, just a Japanese stamp and "GON" scribbled on it. It looked like someone had tried writing with the wrong hand, which they most likely had. He tilted his head to the side while he considered whether the satisfaction of knowing what was inside was worth the effort of actually picking it up. He stretched his foot out and managed to tip the envelope over with surprising precision. He leaned down closer and inspected it. There was no return address, just some more text.

"DO NOT IGNORE!1"

Gon wondered who would actually write the 1 at the end. He spent a moment cursing the computers he shouldn't logically know anything about before he sat down. Then he lay down on his side and crawled as close as he could to the envelope. His humorously small hands wiggled helplessly just an inch above it. He sighed deeply, with feeling, and started all over again.

- - -

Bryan managed after a long while to open an eye. The horrid light attacked his brain mercilessly. He groaned and turned over. He wondered for a moment what had woken him up. He was pretty sure he had been either unconscious or hammered for days. What woke him up cut through the air. He covered his ears, screamed in pain and surprise and fell off the bed. After a while he managed to get up again, completely disoriented.

"What the hell was that…?" he muttered. The sound returned, this time he managed to remain standing. He muttered various unrelated curses while he stumbled out into the hallway. He looked at the door and frowned slowly.

"So I have a doorbell?"

Someone rang it again and began to pound on the door impatiently. Bryan opened the door and grunted at whoever was there.

"Hello Bryan Fury!" said a sickeningly cheerful voice with an obviously British accent. The person then gasped. "Good lord, man! You're hung-over!"

"No kidding…?" Bryan muttered and managed to open his eyes again. They would have widened in surprise if that wouldn't kill him.

"Steve… Fox?"

Steve grinned in the same sickeningly happy way.

"That's right! Good evening, sunshine! I've been sent here because of a special request from Lee Chaolan, to make a proper man out of you!"

"I've already been in the navy. Or the air-force…" He thought about it for a while and finally decided it didn't matter. "…I've shot people. Now go away."

Bryan tried to close the door, but Steve blocked it with his foot. Instinctively Bryan reached for the shotgun that used to be right there by the door. He got an old, sickening mop and smashed Steve's toes with it. He didn't seem to care. Bryan had to accept defeat.

"Good shoes." He noted.

"Why thank you. But what I meant…" Steve forced the door open and kept smiling at Bryan. "…is that I'm here to teach you some manners."

Bryan looked at a point beside Steve's head for a while before he finally understood what he had just said. He grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards himself.

"Now you listen to me you soft-skinned, teasippin' brit!" he snarled. "I'm an American, dammit! I don't have to be polite!"

"But everyone would like you so much more if you could act civilized!"

"I don't care if people like me or not! Just give me one reason why I shouldn't press you through the mail slot!"

"Because you will find that women always have had a liking for the true intellectuals with linguistic skills that goes beyond the level of Neanderthal which seems to be common among the men nowadays and…"

Steve noticed Bryan had that blank look on his face again. He gave up and sighed.

"Chicks dig the nice guys."

Bryan gave him a surprised look.

"Really?"

"Absolutely. Just look at James Bond!"

Bryan let go of Steve's shirt and considered the possibility. He finally nodded slowly, a smile appearing slowly on his face.

"So they dig it…?" he mumbled. He realized one thing and the smile disappeared.

"You said chicks, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, it has been a while since one of those became so desperate. Alright. What's the first lesson?"

"The first lesson is language."

"What the hell is wrong with the way I talk, huh?"

Steve rolled his eyes.

"This is obviously going to take a while." He muttered and entered Bryan's dungeon of a home.

- - -

Lee cleared his throat and looked at the small crowd of his employees in front of him. He slowly walked up to them. One of them spotted him.

"It's our lunch-break!" he yelled with obvious Scottish accent.

Lee stopped in front of them with a smug smile.

"That's not why I'm here. Don't you guys have something you must ask me?"

The men gathered in a ring, whispering loudly. Finally they seemed to agree about something and split up. One began counting down from three.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" they roared when they reached one in the countdown. One of them added "laddie" at the end. Lee rolled his eyes.  
"Yes, thank you, but that's not what I meant. Haven't you noticed?"

All the men began to look around frantically.

"I bought a new watch!" Lee hissed at them.

"Oooooh."

Everyone was quiet for a while.

"So?"

"So don't you want to know what time it is?"

"No offence, laddie, but we all know what time it is."

"That doesn't matter. This…" he patted his wrist with two fingers. The sleeve of his jacket covered the watch.

"…this is a BRAND-NEW-ROLEX! This kind of time is superior to all kinds of non-Rolex time! It will enlighten you about time in ways you never thought possible! Don't you want to know what Rolex-time it is?"

One of the men sighed deeply.

"Aye then. What time is it?"

"You're very kind to ask." Lee replied softly and his arm shot out to the side. He dramatically brought his hand towards his face in a long arc, making sure everyone saw the extremely shiny watch.

"It's…" All colour disappeared from Lee's face and he made a strange whimper. "…broken. But it doesn't matter! It's expeeeeeennnnnsive!"

The Scots gave each other puzzled looks. Lee's left eyelid twitched slightly.

"Excuse me." He whispered, turned around and ran away.

- - -

Gon's eyes were watering and his throat was dry from the inhuman treatment the stupid envelope had given him. Nevertheless, he had finally got it. The sun had just risen again. Carefully he brought it up towards his mouth, bit down on the very edge and tore it off. He spat the small piece of paper out and fished the letter out. He took the risk and spat it out, hoping to catch it before it was too late. To his great surprise and relief, he succeeded. He unfolded the letter with slightly shaking hands and read it. After reading it three times, he finally burst out into tears and dropped the letter on the floor. With a red marker, it was written:

"_Party Invitation!_

YOU'RE NOT INVITED! Have a nice day."

There was a happy little smiley at the bottom.


	2. Mr Noodles' opinion

Boring Author's Notes: Okay, so I noticed I had this story on this computer too. You just might get a lot of updates during weekends only. Good? Bad? Tastes like coffee? Who knows. Who knows. And don't worry, the actual party itself will soon start.

Enjoy. :)

**

* * *

**

**Three days before Lee's birthday**

Steve stopped massaging his temples and looked up on Bryan again.

"Alright, Bryan. I'll tell you this one more time. Every time you curse, I will smack you with this fancy flyswatter. Understood?"

Bryan thought for a while.

"What's wrong with cursing?"

Steve, who had by now understood pretty much how Bryan worked, came up with a good answer pretty fast.

"Basically nothing, but you do it too much, you see? Most women find that unappealing. Now do you get it?"

"Hell yeah!"

Steve immediately smacked him over the head with the flyswatter. Hard.

"NO! Bad cyborg! Bad!" he roared while he continued smacking him. Bryan waved his hands in front of his face, almost as if trying to get rid of an annoying fly.

"Argh! Hey! Stop it!"

- - -

Ganruy quickly opened the envelope and took the letter out. He read it and smiled.

"A party, huh?" he said to himself. "Good! It's been a while since I got to bring the guys to… oh."

He noticed the little box at the end of the letter.

"NOTE: Please, no friends. This is complicated enough already."

He looked up and shrugged before he walked to the bedroom. There he opened the closets and looked at the variety of large suits, large casual clothes and large thongs. A lot of large thongs.

"Hmm… Maybe I should try black this time. They say it works for anything. But I am a fan of pink… Of course, last time I wore that something went horribly wrong… But it's still a very nice colour… Ooh, that one there feels so good on the skin!"

He took the last one out and rubbed it against his cheek.

"Oooooh yes…"

- - -

Eddy woke up with a start.

"Monkeys!" he whined quickly, before he realized where he were. He giggled to himself and wiped some drool off his cheek. He was on the couch again.

"Christie!" he called. "CHRISTIE!"

He got no answer.

"CHRIIISTIE!"

Still nothing for a moment. Then he heard a mutter from the bedroom and someone finally grunted loudly.

"What have I done this time!" Eddy tried to ask.

He heard some disgusting noises, but she never really answered. He muttered some rambling thing about slippers and sat up.

"Get your ass out here!"

Finally, she appeared in the doorway. She looked bad. Really bad.

"What do you want…?"

Eddy frowned.

"I dunno. Didn't you tell me to…?"

"No, no, I just want to sleep…"

"Sleep? When they're still around?"

"Oh yeah… sorry."

They fell silent because they had no idea what they were talking about.

"Now what about that coffee?" Eddy finally barked. Christie rolled her eyes.

"There ain't gonna be coffee. I'll check the mail."

"We get mail?"

She walked away to the front door, stopped and stared in amazement at the envelope on the carpet. She looked back at Eddy.

"This is THE smallest box ever!"

Eddy looked over the back of the couch.

"Wow." He stated with a strangely amazed tone of voice before he fell back again. "That is a small box." He added from there.

Nothing happened for a few minutes.

"So what's inside?" Eddy finally asked.

"I dunno… some things man is not meant to know."

"Like what's really on the moon."

"Why sheep aren't called sheeps."

"How fish survive in the winter."

"Who invented bread."

"Wait a minute… didn't we have this conversation yesterday?"

"There was a yesterday?"

"Whoa… that's so deep."

"Yeah."

"Yeah…"

They fell silent again, thinking about on how many levels that work. Or why they thought of it in the first place.

"What do you think is in there, Eddy?"

"How am I supposed to know? I mean… you know."

"Yeah… I mean… yeah. Should we open it?"

"You remember what happened last time we opened a box?"

"Yeah. It was kinda funny."

"I thought it was brownies. Honest!"

She ignored him, went back and sat down on the couch beside him.

"Honest!" he whined.

"Whatever, Eddy…"

"But then the police came along… it was just horrible. Wasn't it, Christie? Huh!"

"Yeah."

He gave her a sheepish smile.

"I love you."

"Yes, and I love you. Now give me some sugar, bitch."

- - -

Nina cleared her throat, corrected her skirt and made sure her top wasn't too revealing. She then rang the doorbell and waited. An old man opened the door.

"Yes, is this about... OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!"

He grinned happily and then suddenly clutched his left arm with a gurgling noise before collapsing to the floor. His right leg twitched a bit. Nina stared at him before looking up in the sky with a smile.

"You just love me, dontcha?"

She giggled.

"Oh stop… thanks, it's a brand new shirt. Do you like it? Yeah, I thought you would."

She giggled again, almost blushing.

"You just can't wait to kill me off, can you?"

With the little conversation over, she grabbed the old man's feet and dragged him out into the backyard. She dropped him, dusted her hands off, looked around and then shrugged.

"Good enough. Phew! All this heavy work is getting me all sweaty! I better hit the shower…" she rambled and went back inside.

- - -

Anna carried a carpet up to the house. She checked the address, nodded and wondered why the door was open. She knocked it loudly.

"Hello..? Mr. Callahan! I'm here about the ad! MR. CALLAHAN?"

She got no response, so she decided to be a bitch and move her stuff in anyway. She dropped the carpet on the floor, turned around and called:

"Jack! You can take the stuff in now!"

A few moments later, Jack-5 squirmed his way through the door. He carried a lot of cardboard boxes. He stopped and dropped them carelessly on the floor. His eyes flashed and he made a beeping noise before loudly stating:

"MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!"

Anna rolled her eyes and picked up a stuffed bear from the floor. She held it close to her ear as if listening to it, nodding slowly.

"What is that you say, Mr. Noodles? Yes, I agree! He is a lovable man!" she said to the bear before giving Jack a loving look.

"Oh, Jack. I love you."

Flash. Beep!

"AFFIRMATIVE!"

She frowned and looked at the bear again.

"We have to touch his voice up a bit, don't you think?"

She calmly walked up to Jack, removed a piece of sheet metal taped to the back of his head and considered the choice of buttons there.

"Hmm… oooh! Pierce Brosnan!" she squealed and pushed it.

Flash. Beep!

"Affirmative." Jack said in a much softer voice. Anna giggled and leaned on his arm.

"There doesn't seem to be anyone here, you know. Let's make love!"

Flash. Beep!

"Uh… Invalid command!"

"No it's not. I read your manual, really thorough."

Jack looked nervously from side to side before his shoulders slumped in a disappointed way.

"Oh… power saving mode!" he yelled and collapsed to the floor. Anna threw the stuffed bear over her shoulder and gave him an angry look.

"Your eyes are still glowing, Jack."

"No they're not."

"Yes, they are! Get up from the floor or I'll install Windows into you!"

"No!" he gasped and got up immediately. She hugged him with a pleased little whining sound.

"Now kiss me, hot stuff. Don't make me use your safety override function!" she told him and leaned in closer to his face, making disgusting smacking noises. He pretended to look at a wrist watch.

"Oh. My. Look at the time. I better get going!" he said in a monotone voice before running out of the house.

"I'll call you sometime!" he called from the street, still running. She looked after him with a sad little sigh.

"I'm so desperately lonely…"

"Oh. My. God!" A voice gasped behind her. Anna quickly spun around.

"You're dating Jack-5?" Nina asked with an unbelieving frown.

- - -

Jack continued racing down the street, passing a lot of surprised housewives out fora walk. He ran without showing any signs of exhaustion, suddenly coming to an abrupt stop. He stood perfectly still, staring up at the red light. He began to rock on his feet in a nervous manner, looking over his shoulder now and then.

"Come on…!" he hissed. "Turn green!"

A small child stared up on him in amazement.

"Are you a transformer?" it asked with a very quiet voice.

"INVALID COMMAND!" Jack roared at him and continued to stare at the traffic light, mentally begging it to turn green. When it finally did turn green, he continued fleeing from Anna. With a panicky, whining sound.

- - -

Anna stared in surprise at Nina. She was standing in the doorway, wearing a much too big bath-robe and eating ice-cream directly out of the carton with a towel wrapped around her hair. Anna shook her head slowly in disbelief.

"What are you doing in my house!" she asked. Nina stopped moving with a spoonful of ice-cream halfway towards her mouth. She gave Anna a surprised look, not noticing the ice-cream dripping on the floor.

"Your house!"

"Yeah, it's my house! I bought it from poor old Mr. Callahan!"

Nina snorted.

"What? You got another house from one of your 'massage clients'?" she scoffed and laughed. Anna rolled her eyes.

"I did that once! _Once_! Just drop it already!"

"Listen, I don't care about which old idiot you tricked a house away from, it's mine!"

"Oh, yeah? How?"

Nina motioned to the backyard with her head before eating more ice-cream.

"I bought it from a dead guy."

Anna looked out the window and gasped.

"You killed poor old Mr. Callahan! Oh, real mature, Nina!"

"Hey, it was an accident!"

Anna didn't have to argue with Nina. Her eyes did. In an 'oh, really?' kind of way. Nina held up her hands defensively.

"I wore the pink top! How the hell was I supposed to know that it'd kill him!"

"The pink top? Are you crazy? Why don't you just tattoo 'Porn star!' on your forehead, stupid?"

"Look who's talking!"

Anna stomped her foot on the floor angrily.

"Get out of my house!" she screeched.

"Make me, bitch!"

With an angry, high-pitched scream, Anna leapt at Nina, hoping to at least pull her hair.


	3. Anchovies!

Smellyface: Hokay, so this is the last update this weekend. I'll be back with more next week, I promises. Also, this is the chapter with a lot (but not the most!)of fat-guy-jokes and shameless self-advertising for my last unserious thingummy. Hur-hur-hur...

Also, I'm well aware that the janitor doesn't make sense, but I don't know the Spanish word for Japanese, so meh...

Enjoy, y'hear! And leave some reviews on your way out, they make me giggle inside. :)

- - -

Lee answered his cell phone with a bored look on his face.

"M-hm?" he mumbled, checking his watch again with a smile.

"Lee?" a voice said in the other end.

"Jin? Why are you calling me? How did you get my number?"

"I got your invitation. I called to warn you and to check the food."

"Warn me? About what?"

"About the party, Lee. I did one three years ago, it was horrible! A damn nightmare! You don't want to experience that, trust me!"

"Sure I do. Give me some horrid stuff."

"Alright…" Jin cleared his throat. "Gun Jack wrecked my table, Ogre and Anna had sex in my closet, Hwoarang was very gay in my kitchen, Mokujin sat on the couch…"

"Mokujin isn't invited." Lee added quietly, but was ignored.

"…yelled 'beer' all the time, Eddy brought a D.J., Ogre and Paul had sex in my bathtub, Paul and Nina had sex in my bathroom, Ogre befouled my nice leather trench-coat, Law was extremely gay in my kitchen, someone threw up in my bedroom, I had to see Lei in a Cat woman suit, King broke my bathroom window, I got cheese all over my face, I found a disgusting picture of Brad Pitt with a ring around his genitals, everyone got drunk – especially Yoshimitsu, I still have the ugly hung-over picture of me taped on my fridge and Julia and Yoshimitsu had sex in my bed all over my mother's good old sheets!"

Jin caught his breath again. Lee stared blankly in front of himself, shaking his head slowly.

"Wait, Julia and Yoshimitsu…?"

"Yeah!"

Lee wrinkles his nose, disgusted.

"Yoshimitsu has a penis?"

"I suppose. I didn't really check."

"I did not want to picture that, Jin! Good GOD!" he screamed. He made some more disgusted noises.

"Seriously, why did you do that to me?"

"See! See what you can expect!"

"Alright, alright, alright…" Lee tried to calm himself down. "What should I do to avoid that?"

"First of all, no alcohol whatsoever! Nothing! Under no circumstances! Do you hear me?"

"Yeah."

"Secondly, don't let anyone even talk about sex. Especially Paul. Stay away from Paul!"

"Why? Oh, right, the rape thing."

"Yeah, and…" Jin fell silent for a while. "You know about the rape thing?"

Lee cleared his throat, a bit embarrassed.

"Yeah, um… he kinda… attacked me, you know? I tried to fight him Jin, I promise, but he smacked me in the head with a toaster."

"What?"

"I was having breakfast!"

"Whatever… you think you can handle that?"

"Yeah, I got it. No alcohol, no sex. Got it."

"Good. Now about the food… what's being served?"

"Let's see…" Lee took a note out of his pocket. "Um… snails fried with honey, something called pot barley and fried pork, deep fried banana with cream and ice-cream, sprinkled with sugar and syrup, and some brandy. The brandy isn't fried. But I think I'll make the chef replace the brandy with Mountain Dew or something now…"

The phone almost emitted waves of stunned silence.

"What the HELL, Lee! Are you trying to kill us all?"

"What? I think it sounds delicious. Except the pot barley thing…"

"Yeah, but… think of the cholesterol! Haven't I ever told you about that? If you serve that junk, everyone who eats it dies at least three years earlier, you fool!"

Lee sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Oh great, here we go…" he muttered to himself while Jin continued to preach about the importance of good meals, salads and dark bread.

"Mhm. Mhm. Mhm… mm… yeah… mhm… I know… mhm…" he mumbled every now and then before noticing one of the janitors in the other side of the room. He motioned to him to come closer and gave him the phone. The janitor stared at it for a while before he checked if there was anyone in the other end. When noticing that there was, he let go of the phone and held it close to his ear using his shoulder. He continued to mop the floor while listening to what Jin was saying.

"…with some porridge in the morning. You got all that, Lee?"

The janitor didn't answer.

"Lee? Are you there? Hello!"

"Ne habla inglés, señor." The janitor replied happily before beginning to clean a window.

- - -

Anna looked cautiously over the top of the couch. She quickly ducked another plate that crashed into the wall behind her.

"Another miss! YOU SUCK!"

"Shut up!" Nina growled. "It's still my house!"

"No! I bought it for my own money! It's my house, and you ate all my ice-cream, bitch!"

"It's my house!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too times three million!"

"Is not times INFINITY!"

"Is…" Nina paused and then gave her a frustrated growl. "You cheated!"

"Get out of my house, Nina! Don't make me call mom again!"  
"It IS my house! I already put my toothbrush in the cup in the bathroom."

"Eew, isn't that Mr. Callahan's cup?"

Nina considered that for a moment before shuddering violently.

"Eeeeeew!"

"Listen, Nina… can't we compromise, somehow?"

"No, I…" she was interrupted by her cell phone. She took it up. "Hang on, Anna, I think I have to take this."

She pressed the green button.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, hi, I want to order, uh… 45 colas and a pizza with anchovies." Ordered some guy who sounded confused or drunk. Nina frowned.

"What?"

"Yeah! 45 colas and a pizza! With onions."

"Eddy Gordo? Is that you?"

"Hey! Don't backtalk me, nurse! Now do you have a room for me or not?"

"No, you see, I…"

"And the bed! It has to be king sized! WITHOUT monkeys this time!"

"No, no, no, no… you can't order that from me. I'm…"

"Hey." Eddy interrupted her, sounding even more confused than before. "Are you new? Where's Stan? Can I talk to Stan?"

"I don't…"

"Hi Staaaan!"

"Listen! You can't order anything from me! I'm Nina Williams! Not some pizza guy named Stan, okay!"

"Nina Williams?"

"Yes."

"I once knew a chick named Nina. She was such a bitch. I mean, you might think you've met bitches before, but no one is a bitchier bitch than that bitch. Right Christie?"

It was quiet for a while.

"Yeah, Christie says she's a bitch. She's a bitch, right? Now what about my 45 pizzas?"

"Eddy, you should really lay off the dope for a while."

Eddy gasped in the other end.

"My cupcakes are ready! Sorry, Stan, but I have to pick my mother up on the airport. See ya!"

Nina heard Eddy press some numbers on the phone randomly.

"Hey… are you an alien?" he yelled at the phone. Nina hung up when he began to ask Christie about the alien phone. She gave Anna a puzzled look.

"What was that all about?" Anna asked.

"He thought I was a pizza nurse named Stan. Then he yelled at the phone."

"Oh."

There was a short silence.

"Want to check what's on the TV right now?"

"Yeah, sure."

- - -

Ganryu checked himself in the mirror with a hesitant look on his face.

"I don't know… is this really good?"

"I don't know either, Gan." Replied one of his sumo friends on the couch. There were three of them in total.

"Maybe you should try the pink one?"

"I told you already, I don't want that… stuff… to happen again."

"Yeah… that was unpleasant business for everyone involved."

Everyone shuddered. Ganryu turned back towards the mirror, looking at himself.

"I don't know…" Ganryu looked at himself again. The thong looked good, but still… He turned around, posing.

"Do I look fat in this?" he asked.

"Oh, no! Not at all!" one of them said loudly, waving his hands to prove how right he was. "Whoever says that is a big meanie!"

Another one tried to say something, but only managed to grunt. Ganryu nodded slowly, then sighed deeply.

"You're lying, aren't you?"

"No!"

"No!"

"Uuugh…"

"Yes, you are! I DO look fat in this!" he whined and burst into tears.

"Aaaw, Ganryu!"

"Cheer up, buddy!"

"I know how we can cheer you up!"

All three stood up slowly before stretching out their arms.

"50 POUNDS OF CHOCOLATE ICE-CREAM!" they roared. Ganryu looked up with a happy grin.

"Yay!"

The happy gathering of sumo wrestlers ran out of the room.


	4. Scaring Scotsmen

Poke: A week has passed and I bring you my brainvomit once more. Heheheh... Anyway, this chapter isn't great, but it sort of kicks things off for real. Oh, andthanks to you commenters, seeing mail in my inbox brightens my day. :)

Before you ask, I have no idea if Lee'slast name is Chaolan or not. Enjoy it then.

- - -

**Lee's actual birthday!**

Lee stood by the docks, smoking and looking generally bored. Every now and then he gave his watch admiring glance. He looked up at the yacht. It was a pretty sight. It was named 'M/S Ship'. A banner had been put up on the side of the ship, proudly saying 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHaWLAn!'

He hated that banner and had fired the Scotsman who made it.

"Oh, why hello Mr. Chaolan!" a disturbingly cheerful voice called out. Lee turned around and stared. His face was motionless, but his eyes expressed fear. And, to a certain extent, amusement. Steve approached him with a huge grin on his face. He was dressed in a nice tuxedo with a top hat. He had a flyswatter stuck inside his belt, like a sword. He patted it now and then. Next to him walked Bryan. He was also dressed in a tuxedo and a top hat, but with some strange accessories. Namely a cane with a silver knob, a monocle and a fake, thin moustache. He looked deeply ashamed.

"Hi... guys?" Lee finally replied, very slowly. He was afraid to laugh.

"Yes, hello again Mr. Chaolan. Very nice weather we're having, wouldn't you say?"

"Yeah, sure… is that… Bryan Fury?"

Bryan gave Steve an almost begging look.

"Please, Steve… I can handle the gentleman thing, but this is too much! Can I at least take off the moustache?"

"Now, now, Bryan. That's not the gentleman way, now is it?"

Bryan looked like he was about to say something, but sighed.

"No, no I guess it's not."

"And Mr. Chaolan just asked you a question, didn't he?"

"Yes…" Bryan cleared his throat and put on a huge, incredibly fake grin. "Why yes, Mr. Chaolan, I am Bryan Fury. It is such a pleasure to meet you!" he said with a strange, fake, British accent. Lee stared in amazement.

"And, uh… how are you, Bryan?"

"Why I am just fine, good sir! And how are you?"

"Incredible…" Lee mumbled and stared at Steve. "You actually did it."

"I said I would, didn't I?"

"Because I was pretty much joking about it but this is great! Just great! You don't expect any…" he coughed loudly. "…payment?"

"I sure do." Steve replied with a smirk. Lee muttered something, took his wallet out and gave Steve a huge wad of cash. Bryan observed the exchange with the fake grin still on his face.

"Oh, I must say, Lee, have I caused you some sort of monetary trouble? Because if I have, I sincerely assure you it was not at all my meaning."

Lee remembered to close his mouth again after a long while.

"Um… here you go, Steve. For the trouble."

"Why thank you. I had to spend a lot of my money on beer. To keep him happy. You know."

"Was he very hard to deal with?"

"Not after I introduced him to little Betty here." Steve purred and patted the flyswatter hanging from his belt. Bryan's smile immediately widened to the point where it must have been painful. His eyes expressed deep, deep fear.

"Alright then. Welcome onboard. Please, wipe your shoes before entering the dining room."

He looked after them when they walked up the land board.

"Better yet, take them off!" he called after them. He turned around and was surprised by Raven. Lee took a startled leap back with a very feminine yelp. Raven didn't move. Lee clutched his chest with his left hand.

"Damn it! How many times do I have to tell you not to do that!"

"Nine."

No one said anything for a while.

"Oh. Okay, then. Hi Raven."

"Hello."

"Please, go into the dining room, as soon as everyone arrives we're leaving shore."

He turned around, pointing at a door.

"You go through there and…"

He turned back to check that Raven was looking, just to find that he was gone. He heard a surprised yelp on deck and turned around to see a Scotsman staring at Raven.

"Ye gave me quite a fright, laddie!" he gasped. Raven nodded shortly.

"I am a ninja, a warrior of darkness. It's what I do."

"Scare Scotsmen?"

"No. I disappear from sight as if I was nothing but mist."

"Aye, I can do that!"

The Scotsman grabbed his beard.

"Now ye see me…" he said before covering his face with his beard. "…now ye don't!"

He split the beard with his fingers and peeked out of the hole.

"Eh? Whatcha think, laddie? Pretty darn impressive, nay?"

Raven didn't move a muscle.

"I've never been happier that I can't see a thing." He said and patted the sunglasses with a finger. "Extra dark."

"Oh…" the Scotsman said with a disappointed tone of voice. He then waved his hand in front of Raven's eyes. When he noticed that he didn't appear to see it, he stuck his tongue out at him. Raven immediately punched him in the face.

"Hah! I sensed the disturbance in my aura!"

The Scotsman got up, looked at a point behind him and snickered.

"Are you saying you don't believe me!" Raven growled. The Scotsman still snickered at his friend, who was standing behind Raven, mimicking that he was eating out of his head with a fork and knife.

"Nay, laddie."

Raven nodded, pleased, and calmly walked away.

- - -

Lee looked at the road, expecting cars to arrive at any moment. One did. Namely, a huge limo. Lee sighed and checked the list.

"It's either Eddy or Heihachi…" he muttered to himself. It came to a stop right in front of him and the front door swung open, hitting him on his knee. He hissed a curse and rubbed it. There was a sadistic laugh from inside.

"Oh, sorry Lee. I didn't see you there." Kazuya said with a grin as he stepped out of the limo.

"Shut up."

"Yeah, Kazuya, shut up." Heihachi muttered and he got out and stretched his back. "That was one long trip!"

Lee gave the two of them a surprised look.

"You came here together? You?"

"We decided it would be smarter." Kazuya said with a shrug.

"Not to mention more interesting." Heihachi added.

Kazuya turned around and looked into the limo with a sigh.

"Hey! Jin! Wake up, we're here now!"

Lee heard a disoriented mumble from inside and Jin stepped out, correcting his hair.

"Hi Lee. Happy birthday…" he yawned and scratched his head. One of the Scotsmen ran to the railing on deck.

"Oi, laddie! There's some sorta iron man up 'ere!" he called.

"It's just Jack-5!" Lee yelled back. "Show him to the dining room!"

"Alright!"

Lee turned back to continue the pointless conversation with his family when he noticed a strange woman walking towards them. He frowned, trying to place where he had seen her before.

"Hey, guys. Do you recognize her?" he asked and pointed at her. Everyone turned around and gasped in chock, except Jin.

"Jun!" Kazuya asked in disbelief. "I thought you were dead! I mean, really dead!"

Jun stopped in front of him and rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah, like YOU would think death is something final. Please… " she scoffed and looked at Jin.

"Hi honey."

"Hi mom."

"Jin, aren't you a little bit surprised to suddenly find your long dead mother coming to your uncle's birthday party!" Kazuya asked him. Jin shrugged.

"I half expected this to happen sooner or later. People can't seem to stay dead for long in our family."

"I hear that." Heihachi grumbled with a dark look at Kazuya. Kazuya shook his head, confused.

"How did you come back to life?"

"Satanists brought me back to life when they tried to summon the Devil. I killed them all and drank their blood." She replied coldly. Jin stared at her in chock. She burst out into laughter and patted his shoulder.

"No, no I didn't. I just beat them up. It was easy."

"You had just been raised from the dead! How was it easy?" Jin asked.

"I was naked, of course, so they didn't really look at what I was doing."

Kazuya gave her an angry glare.

"Oh, right, I haven't seen you naked in 20 years and the first thing you do is to show off in front of some Satanists?"

Kazuya leaned closer to her with a suspicious look on his face.

"Did you let them touch you?"

"Of course not."

"And you're not a zombie, right?"

"Not as far as I know."

Lee rolled his eyes.

"Okay, so my brother's little sweetheart is back, woo and yay. Now get on the boat. We don't have all day."

The strange family left Lee standing there. Lee noticed that Jun gave Kazuya a quick smack on his butt, something that didn't appear to surprise him. Lee shook his head with a sigh. He looked at the road again when he heard a strange noise. The noise just grew stronger, but nothing seemed to come. He looked around, trying to see what it was, and was almost crushed by Yoshimitsu, landing right next to him. He groaned and stretched his back. It cracked in a sickening way.

"Oh! That'll ache in the morning…"

"Hello Yoshimitsu, good to see you and all that. Just get on the boat." Lee greeted him and pointed at the door.

"Alright…" Yoshimitsu mumbled. He gasped and with a chocked look on his face he pointed at the sky. "What is that thing!"

Lee turned around quickly, trying to see what he meant.

"What? What? I can't see anything…"

He turned back just to see that he was gone. He heard another surprised yelp from a Scotsman on deck, but didn't bother to turn around. He sighed and rubbed his temples.

"I hate ninjas…" he muttered.

He looked up again when he heard a huge vehicle approach. A huge bus stopped next to the limo. The doors opened slowly and revealed a grumpy old bus driver. He turned back and yelled:

"Wake up people! We're here!"

Lee heard some grumbles and various other noises and people started to get out of the bus. The bus then just turned around and left. Most of the guests just passed Lee by and greeted him in various ways before getting on the boat. Baek, however, stopped in front of Lee.

"So, birthday boy." Baek said with a smile. "Are you ready for the worst day of your life?"

Lee shrugged.

"I don't think it'll be that bad. Jin told me pretty much what to avoid here."

Baek didn't say anything for a while. He finally shook his head slowly with a frown.

"Who's Jin?"

"Sort of like my nephew. Sort of."

"Oh, right. So what have you avoided?"

"Oh…" Lee said slowly with a grin. "You'll see."

They turned around when yet another car came. A very, very small thing. It stopped next to the limo and somehow Ganryu managed to squeeze out of it. He took a deep breath and brushed some imaginary dust off his stomach. He then smiled at Baek and Lee, who were staring at him in horror.

"Hi guys!"

"Ganryu…" Lee started and cleared his throat. "Why are you wearing a thong and no pants?"

"This isn't a thong. It's the traditional sumo wrestling outfit."

"No, it's a thong."

"Yeah, you're right, it's a thong. But it looks good, right?"

"Um… yeah. Do you have pants?"

"No."

"Then we better just wrap some bed sheets around you or something. There are women here!"

Ganryu obviously didn't get it.

"Yes." He finally said with a smile and a short nod. He then patted Lee on his head. "Happy birthday!"

He then slowly walked past them up on the land board. Baek and Lee turned around to walk up too when someone suddenly came running around the corner.

"WAIT!" Asuka cried out and ran up next to them, breathing hard.

"Weren't you on the bus?" Lee asked.

"Yeah... but I… went to the… bathroom and… the… bus left again." Asuka panted. She caught her breath again and smiled at Baek.

"Hi Baek." She said admiringly. He just nodded slightly.

"Well, everyone is here! Let's get on the boat and get out to sea." Lee purred and they moved onto the land board. Ganryu was still on it, in front of them. Lee, Baek and Asuka followed him up, walking slowly. Baek tapped the rail impatiently with a frustrated sigh.

"Hey, Ganryu! Move it already! Come on!" he growled. Ganryu glared at him over his shoulder.

"How fast would you move if you were me? Huh?"

"Well, I'd probably be dead…" Baek mumbled. Some Scotsmen walked by up on deck. One of them caught sight of Ganryu and covered his eyes with a frightened and slightly disgusted yelp.

"Oi! Cover yerself, lad!" one of them called to him before they all turned their gaze from him. Once he got up, one of them handed him a kilt while still staring in another direction.

"For the love of God almighty, lad, cover yerself!" the Scotsman hissed. Ganryu looked at it and grinned.

"I've always wanted to try one of these!" he squealed and put it on. He looked down admiringly.

"How does it look?"

"Better." The Scotsman replied.

"Aye. Ye remind me of Fergus' wife, ye does." One of them noted and laughed along with every other Scotsman except one, who apparently was Fergus. He just rolled his eyes and shook his head at them.

"Yer all bastards." He said calmly. Baek muttered something from behind Ganryu and simply climbed over him. He landed gracefully on deck, corrected his clothes and looked at Ganryu with a surprised little sound.

"My theory was correct! It actually IS faster to climb over Ganryu than to go around him." He said with a voice dripping of sarcasm. The Scotsmen looked at each other and nodded appreciatively with some comments about the insult. Asuka gasped in surprise behind Ganryu.

"Really!" she asked and climbed over him to. She looked from Ganryu to Baek.

"Wow, it actually was faster to climb over him!" she said with a smile before giving Baek an admiring look. "Oh, Baek. You're so smart."

"No, you're just stupid." He replied quickly.

The Scotsmen began to applaud him.

"Now that was beautiful, it was!"

"Aye. Classic."

She raised her hand as if to protest, but didn't manage to say anything. She tried again, but failed. Baek blinked slowly.

"Oh, my god. You can't even defend yourself. This must be the saddest thing I have ever seen."

Right after he said it, he looked back at Ganryu. Then at Asuka again.

"Actually, when you're both standing here, it's pretty hard to choose."

Ganryu gave a frustrated little sound.

"Enough with the fat guy jokes! I've only been here for five minutes and you've already been picking at me enough to last all night!"

Baek shrugged and simply walked away. Asuka waited for a few seconds and followed him. The Scotsmen gathered in a ring and discussed the certain event. Lee patted Ganryu's shoulder.

"Please, move."

Ganryu took a step to the side. Just at that moment, Steve and Bryan came along, walking towards them. Steve looked strangely arrogant. The duo stopped in front of them and Steve turned towards the Scotsman closest to Ganryu.

"I'm sorry sir, but you can't bring your walrus to – oh, sorry Ganryu, didn't see it was you." He said and chuckled. He turned to Bryan.

"Alright then, this is the advanced course. Dry British humour. Now you give it a shot!"

Bryan just stared at Ganryu.

"My GOD you're fat!" he managed to say after a while. Steve smacked Bryan in his face with the flyswatter with speed that could have shamed Zorro.

"NO! Bad Bryan, bad! Put effort into it!"

Bryan tried to wave the flyswatter away and finally Steve got sick of smacking him. Bryan glared angrily at him before turning back to Ganryu.

"Is that you, Bryan?" Ganryu asked. Bryan cleared his throat.

"If you were any fatter, Ganryu, lesser fat people would probably orbit around you." He said slowly with the weird accent again. Steve shook his head slowly but finally shrugged.

"Good enough for a first attempt, my good man! Now let's go get some tea!"

"Splendid!"

Ganryu looked at them sadly, then turned around and waved.

"Goodbye self-esteem!" he called. "Bye bye!"

The Scotsman looked at each other hesitantly, whispering amongst them, but then began waving as well.

"Bye!"

"Have a nice trip!"

"See ya!"

Lee patted Ganryu on his shoulder.

"There, there. Now let's just get into the dining room and start the stupid celebrations, okay?"

Ganryu sighed and nodded.


	5. Dinner!

Author's notes: Yep, here you have another one. If I have time tomorrow you might get one more before the weekly pause. Here we make fun of chefs and clowns. And ourselves, to an extent. We're Swedish, for the record.

Anyway, keep those reviews comin'! And enjoy! ;)

- - -

All the guests of Lee's party were just standing around, chatting. Every now and then a short discussion would break out, followed by laughter and/or screaming. Ling and Julia stood talking to each other, for instance.

"So what have you been doing since the tournament ended?" Ling asked. Julia shrugged slightly.

"Nothing really. I continued my research, got a nervous breakdown and spent most of my time since then taking an anger management course."

Ling gave her a disbelieving look.

"Anger management? You? But you must be the least likely person in the world to…"

"I said I took it, alright!" Julia roared at her. Then she smiled again.

"I blame the nervous breakdown. I have some… mood swings."

"Ah…" Ling breathed and nodded slowly with complete understanding. She then looked over Julia's shoulder and grinned happily.

"Oh! Lee hired a clown! Hooray!"

Julia turned around and looked at the clown.

"He's got the make up, but why is he wearing casual clothing?"

The clown came over to them. Beneath the happy facial paint there was an incredibly sad man. He gave them a sad look and sighed.

"Hi girls." He said quietly. Julia frowned and leaned closer to him.

"Bruce Irvin?" she asked. Bruce nodded slowly.

"Why are you wearing make up? And why are you so sad?"

"I realized one day that my life has gone into a rut. You know, work out, kill people, get money, drink, work out, kill people, date chicks…" he sighed. "So I thought I'd try something new and went to clown college. I just wanted to make kids and childish adults happy."

"Aaaw, isn't that nice?" Ling cooed.

"I failed miserably."

"Oh…"

"The test was yesterday. I thought I'd surprise Lee by throwing pies or something. I failed at everything, even the balloon animals! I'm sorry, but I simply didn't have the energy to remove the make up yesterday night."

"Oh…" Ling put her arm around his shoulders. "Aw, cheer up big guy! You don't have to be a clown to be happy, right? I mean, making children happy isn't as easy as it looks."

He glared at her.

"Other people can make them laugh until they cry by jiggling car keys."

"Yeeess… I guess you could too, someday. Maybe you simply aren't meant to make people happy."

"No." he sighed.

"Maybe you could, um… travel!"

"I'm a mercenary. It's practically everything I do."

"Oh… but have you been to, um… Malaysia?"

"No, not yet."

"Then go there, my clownish friend, and find happiness."

His face lit up as he realized something.

"Yeah!" he said with a grin. "I can marry a Malaysian whore!"

Ling nodded thoughtfully.

"Yes, you could, I guess, if you can find any Malaysian prostitutes who'd marry a big, black, sad clown."

His shoulders immediately slumped down again and he sighed deeply.

"No, there's no such thing…" he moaned. Ling gave Julia a questioning look. Julia shrugged. Ling took up a lollipop from her pocket and offered it to Bruce. Julia gave it an amused look.

"Ah, that takes me back…" she mumbled and stared up at the ceiling with a dreamy smile on her face as she remembered the night three years before. She wandered off, still daydreaming about it.

"Here you go…" Ling purred and patted Bruce's head as he accepted it. "Cheer up, big guy."

He held it between his thumb and index finger and sighed.

"Yeah, thanks… I guess I can choke on it or something."

"Sure you can! Uh… but you shouldn't. That's right." She added the last part quickly.

"And if I eat 200 of these things, I guess they'd kill me… do you have 199 more?"

They looked at each other quietly. Ling said "aw!" again, hugged him and hurried away. Bruce looked after her a little while before he removed the plastic from the lollipop and put it in his mouth. He rolled it around a bit.

"Mmm…" he mumbled sadly. "Raspberry."

- - -

Lee went up on the incredibly small stage in the dining room. He patted the microphone and looked around.

"Is this thing on?" he asked. "1, 2, 3… hello?"

Someone rose quickly from her seat.

"SPEECH!" Julia roared angrily at him before correcting her hair and sitting down again. Lee, and everyone else in the room, stared at her.

"Uh… I'll take that as a yes, then. Welcome onboard my pride and joy, Ship!"

There were some few people applauding. Most of them just gave each other puzzled glances. Someone whispered 'Ship' questioningly.

"Yes, thank you… but I'm sure you all know why you're here."

No one said a word. Lee waited. After a while he got sick of it.

"No one knows?"

Silence.

"No one at all? Not even you, Heihachi!"

Heihachi looked up at him and shrugged.

"Uuum… you graduated?"

Lee looked around in disbelief.

"Oh come on! It was on the invitation! Didn't anyone see it! Anyone!"

A few people were squirming in their seats. Lee rolled his eyes.

"Okay, I want to see hands in the air here. How many of you actually read the invitation!"

Ling raised her hand hesitantly.

"Okay. And how did the rest of you find out about this thing?"

"I called Asuka just to chat, and I must've mentioned it to her."

Asuka stood up quickly.

"Alright! I admit it! I'm a gossiper! I love to gossip!" she shrieked.

"How many did you tell?"

"Let's see… I lost count after I managed to get hold of Eddy's phone number, but 12 before him."

Christie stood up, swaying slightly.

"My man calls everyone about everything… except me!"

"So you found out over phone. Every single one of you except Ling here?"

Everyone nodded.

"Okay… I see. So much for spending money on fancy invitations, I would… IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!" he yelled the last part frantically and uncomfortably close to the microphone. Everyone was quiet a while afterwards, and then massive applause and cheering broke out. Lee looked around the room angrily, then calmed down and cleared his throat.

"Right, thank you…"

"So how old are you anyway?" Marduk asked. Lee smiled happily. Fergus came walking by, carrying a bag of potatoes for the kitchen.

"Well, I am no more than…" Lee began, but Fergus managed to trip over the microphone cord, pulling it out. He quickly got up and plugged it back in.

"…just how old I am. That's right."

Marduk shrugged and sat down again.

"And now, without further ado, let's just begin with dinner. Bring out the French guy!" Lee exclaimed and went to his table. Out of the kitchen came a heavy built man with a typical chef's hat and a thin curvy moustache. He grinned happily at everyone.

"Fried snails!" he yelled with an unmistakable French accent and the kitchen staff came out with the plates. Most of the guests just poked at them, not even wanting to try snails, but a few tried them. Jin just glared angrily at the honey-covered slugs and took a piece of bread from a brown bag he had brought with him. He muttered about cholesterol while he forced the dry bread down. Heihachi poked a snail with a disgusted look and simply pushed the plate away. He turned to Lee.

"What's the chef's name?"

"I don't know. I've just called him French guy all this time."

"You don't even have the courtesy to call him French chef?"

"Nope. He doesn't seem to mind though."

Heihachi rolled his eyes and raised his hand.

"Hey! Chef!" he called. The French Guy immediately came over.

"Oui?" he asked.

"Why did you make snails? Honestly? You must've known no one here would eat anything that spent all of its life drooling on plants and dragging dirt around."

"Ah, but snails et un French delicacy!"

"I just don't get it. They're disgusting little mushy critters! Who in their right mind would eat this?"

Everyone at Heihachi's table turned their heads towards Feng, sitting just a short distance away. He swallowed one of the snails and noticed they were looking at him.

"It's not that bad… I once had to survive a whole week on my own cooking. Since that I could eat anything."

Heihachi ignored him.

"By the way, what is your name?" Kazuya asked the French guy. He smiled happily.

"Ah, je m'appelle Jean-Christian Beauregard-Baptise de la Chauvelle!"

Some puzzled glances were exchanged at the table.

"Jeen-Christan…" Kazuya began hesitantly. Heihachi pointed at the chef with an encouraging look on his face.

"French guy!" he exclaimed happily. The French guy just nodded and smiled. The table was cleared and the French guy returned into the kitchen. A really tall, blonde guy came out instead. He looked a bit nervous.

"Hi everyone. My name is Lars. You can call me chef."

No one said anything for a while. Feng took a mouthful of his drink.

"Or kock." Lars added.

Feng suddenly broke out into hysterical giggling like a little girl. He couldn't swallow his drink because of the giggling, but didn't really seem to mind. He finally calmed down enough to swallow the drink and, to everyone's surprise, he continued to giggle. A few minutes passed, he didn't show any signs of finding it any less amusing.

"I don't get it." Wang mumbled to himself.

Feng finally calmed down, just chuckling every now and then.

"No, I mean it." Lars said quietly, which just made Feng break out giggling again. Everyone grumbled about it and sighed. He didn't giggle for quite as long anymore. Kazuya glared at him.

"Feng." He began, then covered his mouth with three fingers and giggled loudly. The fake giggle died down as soon as it had begun. He patted his forehead and motioned at him. "What the fuck."

Feng cleared his throat and looked at Lars.

"Sorry. Carry on…"

"Right…" Lars said and smiled at the crowd. "I decided to make a dish native to my country. So enjoy it, everyone."

The very exotic dish was called pot barley and fried pork. Everyone stared at it with various levels of disgust on their face. Jin tore off another piece of bread and muttered while he struggled to chew it. No one dared to take the first bite. Marshall finally picked his fork up, took extremely little of the pot barley on it and put it in his mouth. Everyone who noticed looked at him curiously. He shrugged.

"It's okay… not really anything special."

Lars stood by the door looking like he was about to pass out. Most of the people now began to try it. Heihachi looked at the yellowish stuff and wrinkled his nose. He took some up and tasted it. His face lit up and he shoved more of it into his mouth. He looked up at the ceiling with a huge smile with he chewed it.

"MMmmm!" he mumbled. He took a deep breath. "HEAVEN!"

Jin stared openly at him. He finally tried to get his bearings.

"You… you can't mean you're going to EAT that! Look at it! It's bathing in its own grease, for heaven's sake!"

Heihachi ignored him and continued stuffing his face. Jin turned away with a disgusted little noise. A bit away, Bryan was staring at the food.

"Does he actually expect us to eat this? It looks like… something…"

His voice trailed off at the end as he met Steve's look. He nodded slowly.

"Okay. Not the gentleman way to mention disgusting things at the table. Got it."

"You could however politely ask the chef for a different dish."

"Alright." He raised his hand. "Excuse me! Mister Chef!"

Lars came over and waited for Bryan to say what he wanted.

"This food is…" he began, but paused and frowned slightly. "Wait, what country were you from again?"

"Sweden, sir."

"Really?" Bryan said with a grin. He looked at the food, then at Steve, then at Lars, the food again, Steve and Lars. He seemed to be a little unsure for a moment before grinning again. He looked up at Lars, quickly got up and banged his fist in the table.

"This load of crap isn't good enough to feed a bunch of goddamned pigs!" he roared at him. There was absolute silence in the dining room after that. Steve stared at Bryan with a chocked look on his face. After a while came Lars' response. He shrugged.

"Alright. Can I get you anything else?"

Bryan gave him a surprised look.

"What… that's it?"

"Yes?"

"No anger at all? Not even a little?"

"No. Why would I be mad? Not even I liked this the first time I tried it."

"But…" Bryan looked almost desperate. "Nothing at all? No 'rargh, in the name of Odin, I shall kill you'? No breaking the table? No pillaging! Not even raping Julia!"

Julia giggled slightly, and then slammed her fist in the table.

"I'm not a whore!" she screamed.

Lars just ignored her and looked back at Bryan.

"Why would I do that? It's just food."

Bryan looked around, almost a bit embarrassed. He sat down again.

"Can I get you something else then?"

"Um… do you have…" he began and glanced at Steve. He glared at him with his arms crossed. Bryan looked down on the floor and sighed. "…kidney pie?"

Lars nodded and took the plate of pot barley away. Bryan looked up on Steve slightly, and then looked down again.

"I am ever so disappointed." Steve finally said.

"I thought it would be worth it..." Bryan mumbled and scratched the back of his head. Everyone returned to the meal, or at least the few who actually ate it. Heihachi was still stuffing his face, by now he had also taken Kazuya's and Jin's plate. He looked like he was high on some wonderful drug. Jin shook his head at him slowly.

"How can you eat that? Don't you care about your health at all!"

Kazyua looked at him. He had a strange look on his face.

"I mean, you could…"

"Die?" Kazuya interrupted him.

"Yeah, he could…"

"Die?"

"Yeah. you could…" he finally understood what Kazuya meant and nodded slowly with a slight grin. "…die."

Kazuya nodded and grinned back at him. He cleared his throat and stood up.

"I'll just go to the bathroom… be right back."

He took a few steps and stopped behind Heihachi's back. He looked at him and when he saw that Heihachi didn't notice he looked at Jin. He mimed picking up a chair from the floor and hitting Heihachi's head with it. Jin nodded slowly, and then shook his head quickly. He mimed that something was shooting out the side of his head. Then that he wiped his face clean of something with a chocked look. Kazuya nodded and thought for a while. He then mimed his hand was a gun and 'shot' Heihachi in his head. Jin shook his head and cupped his hand behind his ear with a curious look on his face before pointing on people in the room. Kazuya cursed silently and looked at the back of Heihachi's head with a thoughtful look on his face. He then mimed taking out some piano wire from his pocket and 'strangled' Heihachi with it. Jin nodded slowly and smiled. He then shook his head again and put his fingers in front of his eyes as if someone was wearing glasses or looking through binoculars. Kazuya mimed he had a drill and 'drilled' a hole in Heihachi's head. He then held an imaginary firecracker in his other hand and lit it, putting it in the hole. He mimed that Heihachi's head exploded and finally that he wiped stuff off his chest. Jin just gave him a my-god-you're-stupid-look. Kazuya rolled his eyes, waved his hand against Heihachi's head to make it clear he gave up and sat down again with a deep sigh. Jin shrugged slightly at him and glanced at Heihachi. He was still eating.

"Aren't you full yet?"

"Shut up, boy." Heihachi mumbled between two bites. Kazuya glanced at him and took Lee's plate.

"Here you go, Heihachi… have some more." He said and left the table.

Jin turned away.

"I don't think I can watch a man eat himself to death."

"It's his time." Kazuya said to Jin while putting King's and Ling's plate down in front of Heihachi. "Trust me."

Lars noticed Heihachi and sighed in relief. Obviously he was happy that at least one person loved it. He retreated into the kitchen and another chef came out. He was clearly oriental, was short and skinny, had a long moustache and a bandanna with the Japanese flag on was tied around his head. He nodded at the crowd without saying a word. Immediately the dessert was served by the legion of workers. Deep fried banana with cream and ice-cream, sprinkled with sugar and syrup. This time, no one complained. Except Jin, of course. He massaged his temples with a groan.

"Dad, please take that stuff away from him. I don't think it's humanly possible to actually eat anything more." He said and pointed at Heihachi, who somehow ate the pot barley and the banana at the same time. Kazuya shrugged.

"Meh. Let him eat it."

Jin got a salad from the chef, who had heard the French guy's stories about him. He looked happily at it and showed it to Heihachi.

"See? See this? This is GOOD food! Gooooood…" he mumbled the last part and began to eat it. Kazuya and Heihachi glanced at each other.

"Somehow we failed with him." Heihachi noted. Kazuya rolled his eyes.

"Don't blame me, I wasn't around."

They glared at Jun, who enjoyed the fried banana. She looked up at them.

"Oh shut up. We all know it wasn't my fault. I blame television."

Heihachi and Kazuya nodded and glanced at Jin, who appeared to really enjoy his salad. Jun rolled her eyes.

"Youth." She muttered.

- - -

**A/N:** "Kock" is the Swedish word for chef, if you wonder about that incredibly lame joke. It's not pronounced the same as the word you think about, but it's still pretty funny, right? ;)


	6. Beverages

Author's powerful, powerful voice: Another week has passed and I return, and I must say that I was devastated to find my inbow completely lacking any review mails. Why, people, why?

Anyway, hope you like this. The craziness starts.

- - -

The dinner was over with and now everyone was just going around, chatting to each other again. Lee stepped up on the stage, where some guys were setting up instruments. He patted the microphone.

"Hello?"

Everyone cheered right away, various people screamed 'happy birthday' at the top of their lungs. Lee smiled at them and motioned they should calm down.

"Did everyone like the dinner?"

No one said anything. A few people looked at Heihachi, who was still at the table and unable to move. He raised a hand.

"Yes…" he moaned. Lee nodded.

"Alright. There really isn't anything else planned. I hired a band for tonight that will be playing until I tell them to stop, there are refreshments on the table and…"

"Is there booze!" Christie yelled at him. Eddy mumbled something to her and looked around.

"No, Christie, there is no booze. Nothing. Not even anything that looks remotely like booze. Do you understand?"

She stared at him, chocked. Her mouth hung open.

"No… booze!" she repeated in disbelief. "What kind of a birthday party is this! You sick, twisted… man!"

"It's an intelligent birthday party, Christie! I heard the stories and you shouldn't think I'll expose my darling Ship to a bunch of sauced martial arts masters who have sex all over the place! No way!"

"But that's what makes parties funny! Drunk people!" Paul complained.

"No drunken people, do you hear me! I'll keelhaul anyone I see drunk here!"

There were mutters and angry, quiet complaints. Ling raised her hand.

"What's in the punch bowl?"

"Raspberry-flavoured lemonade."

"Ew."

"I know. It was the best I could find on such short notice."

There was a short silence. Someone tried the lemonade and had a short coughing fit.

"Well. Have a nice night and thank you all for coming." Lee finished and stepped off the stage. People glared at him and muttered among each other. Lei walked up to him.

"I don't care what they say, it's a great idea to keep it dry."

"I know. I heard the horror story."

"About last time? Actually, that was kind of funny… except the thing with the cactus. And Kuma." He looked up at the ceiling. "And of course, Yoshimitsu attacked me because he likes Iron Maiden. And Julia laughed at me after Kuma had punched me…"

He fell silent for a while and finally shook his head.

"Never mind, it was horrible."

"I can only imagine."

No one said anything for a while. Lee smiled to himself and glanced at Lei.

"Hey, Jin told me something funny about that."

"About what?"

Lee chuckled.

"Did you really wear a cat woman suit?"

"WHAT! Who told you that! I mean, uh… no."

"But…"

"Absolutely not. It's a damn lie."

"Jin said he…"

"Shut up, Lee! I've never worn a cat woman suit, okay?"

Forest Law was walking by, but stopped when he heard that phrase. He turned towards Lei with a huge, evil grin.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the cat queen himself." He said, giggled and made a scratching move with his hand. "Meow! Meeeeoooow!"

Lei stared at him, then glanced at Lee. Lee grinned just as evilly.

"So it is true, huh?"

"No! No, it's not, it's a damn lie! A lie, I tell you!"

Ling appeared out of nowhere.

"Hey, what's going on here?"

"Do you know Lei wore a cat woman suit on the last party?"

Ling gave him a surprised look.

"You did?"

"NO!"

Baek and Asuka stopped next to them.

"He did?"

"Really?"

"No, damn it!"

Within minutes, everyone in the room was standing in a semi-circle around Lei, talking about the supposed suit. Jin came by and gave Lee a picture.

"See? He did wear that thing, I have proof!"

Lei stared at the picture.

"You told me you didn't keep that one."

"I knew I'd get to use this some day."

Lee looked at it, still grinning.

"Wow… he's got whiskers and everything."

Ling looked over his shoulder.

"Aaw, isn't that cute?"

Everyone gathered around Lee to look at the picture. Lei stood next to them, looking like he wanted to crawl into a hole in the ground and die. Baek grinned at him.

"Lei, this really shows your masculine side, doesn't it?"

"Is that leash really pink?"

"Isn't that King behind him?"

"Hey, you can't see it in the picture, but he wore high heels too!"

"What?"

"No way!"

"He sure did!"

"That's really gay."

"Wow, look at the tight…!"

"Everything about that situation is gay."

"I think he looks good in black leather…"

"So did Lei and King… you know…?"

"Rawr!" King growled angrily.

"Alright, alright, fine…"

"Just how did that happen, anyway?"

"He said he loved kitty-cats or something, so I don't know if he and King really…"

"RAWR!"

"So, Lei, how was it…?"

Everyone looked up at Lei. He made some stuttering noises.

"No, I… well… that… eeeh… well, I… um… you see… um… don't look at me!" he cried and ran away. Ling looked after him.

"Maybe we were too mean to poor Lei."

Forest took the picture and looked at it a while. He then shoved it in Hwoarang's face.

"So, doesn't this turn you on?"

Hwoarang stared at it.

"Um… no?"

"Really? Because I thought everything turned you on."

"Most things do, but not this." He gave the picture back. "I'm not gay."

Paul, Forest and Jin stared at him. Paul laughed.

"Oh, come on. You? Not gay! I don't think so!"

Hwoarang shrugged.

"I'm just not gay, okay?"

"Hwoarang…" Jin said slowly, as if he feared a fit of rage from him. "You are gay. You are very, very gay. I don't know much about you, but I know that. You. Are. Gay!"

"He's right." Forest agreed.

"Listen, guys. I might've done some gay things a while back, but I was confused. It was just a phase. I'm not gay."

"Who are you trying to convince?"

"Yeah!"

"We all know you're gay!"

"I'm not gay!" Hwoarang shrieked. "I can't be! I LOVE BOOBIES!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

"No, you don't."  
"We all know that."

"I'm not gay!"

"But…"

"I'm not gay, dammit!"

"Hwoarang!" Jin interrupted him. "We all know. Take Paul, for instance. You had sex with him. You liked it. Every time. You are gay. Get used to it, like we are."

"But…" Hwoarang looked like he was close to tears. "I was in jail! It didn't have a choice! It was either Paul or the weird mass murderer."

"Or you just could have chosen not to have sex, right?"

"Hah! Explain that!"

"I…" Hwoarang fell silent again. He pointed at Forest with an angry look on his face. "I'll prove I'm not gay! I am the least gay person on this boat right now!" he hissed. Baek joined the conversation.

"No, that would be me."

"Oh, yeah? How come?" Jin asked him.

"Well, it could be because I am the only one on this boat who is actually MARRIED!" he yelled the last part at Heihachi. Heihachi glared at him.

"Hey, I can't be blamed for my wife's death."

There was a moment's silence. His shoulders slumped down.

"Alright, fine, I murdered that bitch. There, are you happy now?"

"Yes." Baek nodded. Just a bit away from him, Marshall raised his hand. Baek pointed at him.

"And you don't count, your son's gay!"

Marshall gave him a surprised look.

"No, he's not." He glanced at Forest. "Right?"

Forest's cell phone rang. He held his hand up in front of Marshall's face.

"Hang on a minute, dad, I have to take this… hello? Oh, hello Johnny." He said and after a while he giggled slightly. "Yeah… rawr, RAWR, I'm gonna _maul_ you!" he purred and giggled again. Marshall stared blankly in front of himself with tears in his eyes. He sobbed and patted Forest's head carefully.

"Daddy's boy…" he whimpered. Hwoarang ignored the sad scene and glared at Baek and Jin.

"I'll prove I'm not gay! Somehow!" he growled and ran away. Baek grinned.

"That was number two." He mumbled and took a small notepad out of his pocket. He scribbled 'Hwoarang' right under 'Lei'. After thinking a moment, he added 'Marshall?'. He then put the notepad back in his pocket and glanced at Ganryu with an evil smirk.

- - -

Yoshimitsu stood a bit away, just observing everything. Lee came up to him.

"How come everyone is gay here?" he asked with a sigh.

"Not everyone. I'm not. What about you?"

"Not as far as I know, anyway."

"So you're not sure?"

"That means no."

"Ah. Nice philosophy." Yoshimitsu nodded. "But you know, this whole party is a bit gayish. I mean, more than 20 men and only 7 women?"

"Yeah, but there's no alcohol. I expect that the only one who'll manage to get someone in bed tonight is Nina."

"Or Anna."

"Nah, no one seems to be very interested anymore. Not even Paul." Lee said and poked Yoshimitsu's side with a grin. "So how was Julia?"

Yoshimitsu shrugged.

"I don't remember a thing of that night. You might want to ask Ling or something."

"Ooohkaaayy..." Lee said slowly with a puzzled glance at Yoshimitsu. Yoshimitsu looked at the glass in his hand and smelled the pinkish liquid.

"It smells like dead animals or something, Lee. How could you buy this?"

"It was the first thing I could find. And I thought everything with raspberry in it is good."

"Not lemonade."

"I got it now, thank you."

Yoshimitsu looked out of a window.

"Hm… it's getting dark. What time is it?"

Lee gasped happily and gave Yoshimitsu a thankful look.

"You really want to know?" he whispered.

"Yes?"

"Alright, it's…"

Again, Lee let his arm shoot out and brought it to his face in a dramatic arc. He stared at the watch.

"…broken again. Stupid junk!"

Yoshimitsu looked at it.

"Looks good though."

"It does, doesn't it? It's a genuine Rolex, you know."

Yoshimitsu gave it a closer look.

"Are you sure?" he asked with a doubtful tone of voice.

"Of course I'm sure! Don't you think I…"

"It's fake." Yoshimitsu interrupted him.

"I… wh-what?"

"It's as fake as Christie's breasts, Lee."

Lee stared out into nothing with a chocked look on his face.

"No… no, it can't be! NO! I bought this for 2000… it has to be real!"

"Who did you buy it from?"

"A Colombian guy…"

Yoshimitsu smiled and nodded.

"There you go. All the proof you need."

Lee pulled his hair and looked like he was close to tears.

"Damn it…"

Yoshimitsu patted his shoulder.

"Happy birthday…" he mumbled and left him alone. Lee slowly walked to the kitchen and threw the door open.

"I NEED COGNAC!" he roared at the workers in there before he stumbled away to Heihachi's table and sat down next to him, sobbing. He showed him the watch.

"It's… fake…" he whispered and burst into tears. Heihachi gave him a tormented look.

"It's… painful…" he whispered and sighed deeply, trying to find a way to sit to minimize the pain. Some Scotsmen came from the kitchen, carrying a lot of Cognac bottles. They put them down in front of Lee. He grabbed one, unscrewed the top and took a swig. He then wiped with mouth, coughed and burst into tears again.

"Hey, no fair, why does he get to drink?" Christie complained when she noticed. She pushed Eddy's shoulder to get his attention.

"Hey! Mr. Birthday boy is drinking!"

Eddy had trouble to focus his eyes. He frowned at her.

"Grandma…?" he mumbled quietly.

"Eddy, get over there and make sure to get his attention. I'm going to do everyone here a big, damn favour!"

"Alright, alright…!" Eddy muttered and walked a bit wobbly over to Lee. He raised his hand and smacked him on the back. Lee cried out in pain and surprise.

"Hello birthday duuude!" Eddy exclaimed happily and put a hilarious little party hat on Lee's head. "I like your, uh… hat!"

Lee accidentally smacked him in the face with his hand, trying to show him the watch. He took a deep breath.

"IT'S FAAAAAAKE!" he wailed. Eddy took his hand and looked at it.

"Looks real to me, dude… want me to check?" He said and took a dull, grease-covered little knife from the table. While Eddy raised the knife, Christie snuck under the table and snatched two Cognac bottles. She ran over to the punch bowl and poured them in, chuckling evilly.

"Everyone will thank me one day…" she giggled and took a glass of the foul-smelling liquid. She tasted it and sighed in relief.

"Booze…" she purred. "Finally."

She didn't care about Lee's pained scream.

- - -

**A/N:** Just realized something here. I didn't mean that Jin, Paul and Forest all are gay, I mean they had gotten used to the thought that Bob is. In case there were people wonderin' bout that. Now review, please!


	7. The Raven Show!

Cartwheeling over the sun: Yaay, reviews! REVIEWS! I perform my happy dance for you.

This chapter makes me confused about the design of Ship (a lot more of these chapters do,can you tell I know absolutely nothing about ships?) and also contains some drug abuse, even if the drug itself is pretty... innocent. So, once again, stop reading right this instance if you just don't like that stuff.

Otherwise, enjoy it. It has more Bryan!

- - -

Yoshimitsu walked along the corridors surrounding the dining room. He looked a bit bored. He had almost walked all around it when Ganryu came out of the entry doors. Yoshimitsu stopped and stared at him.

"Ganryu?" he asked. "THE mighty sumo-wrestler Ganryu?"

Ganryu noticed him and gasped.

"Yoshimitsu!"

Yoshimitsu screamed extremely femininely.

"OH-MY-GOD GANRYU! I LOVE YOU!" he screamed in a disturbing fan-girl way and ran towards Ganryu. Ganryu turned around and tried to flee back into the dining room. Yoshimitsu had almost caught up with him when Ganryu suddenly slipped on a snail that one of the kitchen staff members had dropped. For a short second he looked like a nice, soaring walrus. Then he crashed back on the floor.

"My spine!" he whimpered quietly. Suddenly, a door slammed open and the captain came storming out, looking furious. He held an ink-covered book in one hand. He raised his other hand and pointed at everyone in the room.

"Who did that?" he roared. Baek smiled slightly and pointed at Ganryu.

"The fat guy." He said and watched the captain march over to him. He threw the book down beside him and glared at him furiously.

"700 pages written by hand!" he hissed. "I've worked with that thing for almost 3 years! And you ruin it!"

He looked up again. A group of Scotsmen were looking.

"You men help this blimp up and chain him to a chair!"

The Scotsmen gave Ganryu a questioning look.

"Is that a man? I thought it was a sofa, I did…" one of them mumbled. The one in front looked back at the captain.

"Aye, we'd love to lift 'im up, but we're nay enough men!"

The Scotsmen cheered evilly. Some high-fives were given. The captain only had to give them another angry glare for them to bend down and help Ganryu up on his feet again. They led him to a chair, but he only whimpered in pain.

"My back…!" he hissed. The Scotsmen looked at each other, shrugged and left him standing. The captain looked at Ganryu and his eyes narrowed to slits.

"And don't you move…!" he hissed at him before he returned to his cabin. Yoshimitsu walked up to Ganryu.

"Are you alright?"

"I think my spine is crushed, but other than that I'm just fine, thank you."

"Um… okay."

"Can you get me some punch?"

Ganryu got some punch, and at the same time the lights on the stage went out. A few people applauded, not really expecting anything special. One spotlight was turned on, lighting Raven up. He looked up, surprised.

"Oops." He said to himself and grabbed the microphone. "Nothing to see here people! I'll just get off the stage and..."

"BOO! Make me laugh!" Bruce yelled. Raven stroke his chin with his thumb and two fingers.

"Laugh, huh…?" he said to himself. "I can tell a joke. Do you want one?"

"Hit me, baby!" Christie added. Raven nodded slightly and discreetly pushed the button on his earpiece.

"HQ, I need a joke." He said, not noticing he was still talking into the microphone.

"No, I'm serious, I need a joke."

He sighed.

"It's not funny. It's… Gareth, stop laughing!"

He made a hissing noise.

"At least don't laugh into the microphone, it hurts my ear…"

He hissed in pain again and then appeared to realize something.

"Who was that?"

He waited for a while and turned his back to the curious audience.

"Was that… Brenda? Dammit, Gareth, are you screwing my wife! You BASTARD! I'm going to seek you out, tear your head off and…!"

He paused, took a deep breath and hissed through gritted teeth:

"Can I talk to Brenda? Let me talk to Brenda, you…!"

He paused for a moment. Wang began to chuckle.

"God DAMN it, Brenda, do you think I spent a thousand bucks on marriage counselling for this shit! HUH! Don't tell me it's my fault, you know I…! What do you mean never home! Well, of course I'm never home! You know why now, don't you! Do you really think I wanted you to call me Raven in bed because it's 'cool'? Brenda…! But I do love you, I just have a lot of people to kill all the time!"

He was quiet for a long while. By now Wang was laughing loudly.

"He really captures how it is…!" he managed to stutter between the gasping breaths.

"Yeah, I know, I'll try. Yeah, I love you too, baby… but I'm still going to kill Gareth. Yeah? Good. And I'll fucking sue your ass if your baby isn't jet black, you hear? Yeah… You know it. Alright. Alright. You just tell him to hide real good now, because I'm in the mood for torturing. Alright. Love you too, baby. Bye."

He turned around again and noticed that everyone was staring at him, Wang the only one laughing. He looked at the microphone for a while, then back at the crowd.

"Damn!" he hissed, dropped the microphone on the floor and disappeared into thin air. Yoshimitsu snorted.

"Show-off…" he muttered. Wang banged the table with his fist, laughing hysterically. Ling patted his shoulder.

"Grandpa, that's enough!" she tried to say, but he didn't listen. His laughter came to an abrupt stop as he suddenly choked on something. He began hitting his chest to get it out. Ling leaned down near him.

"What's wrong?" she asked. He pointed at his throat with a panicked look on his face. She gasped.

"He's choking on his own teeth!" she cried out. Wang gave up and collapsed to the floor. Feng, who already has had at least five glasses of punch, giggled half-heartedly at it. Ling stared at Wang.

"Someone call a medic!"

Everyone was quiet. Out of nowhere came a whistling sound. Two men suddenly appeared in the middle of the room, spinning quickly.

"Wheeeeeeee!" one of them called out while spinning. "I love teleporting!" he exclaimed when they'd stopped. The other one simply took a few steps away and threw up. The first medic gave the person closest to him, namely King, an apologetic look.

"He's new. So what's the problem here?"

Ling pointed at Wang.

"Teeth."

The medics gave each other a questioning glance and then immediately got to work. Feng still giggled at the scene. Asuka came up to him and slapped him in the back of his head.

"Why are you laughing? He could die!"

He looked back at her and shrugged.

"It's his teeth. He's choking on his own teeth, that's funny." He said. She glared at him. He shrugged again. "Oh, come on, it's classic!"

There was a disgusting, spitting sound and Wang's false teeth skid over the floor. Everyone looked at them. Wang sat up again, looking a bit disoriented.

"What the hell happened?" he mumbled in Chinese. The medics helped him up and looked around.

"Any quiet place we can put him?"

Lee looked up from the table.

"The, uh… Scotsmen's cabin. Down the corridor…" he mumbled.

The medics nodded and helped Wang away. The mood was pretty tense in the room after that. No one said anything for a while.

"Um…" Hwoarang finally began. "Who's going to take his teeth?"

No one replied. The guitarist of the band played a few chords and the singer stepped up to the microphone. The drummer counted down and they began to play a high-beat Latino song. The singer grabbed the microphone violently and sang some Mexican lyrics so quickly it became nothing but gibberish. The band paused after a while, obviously waiting for something. The audience stared at them. Suddenly, King raised his hand into the air in the back.

"OLÉ!" he screamed. The band cheered and started the music again. King made his way to the front and danced in a humorous way. No one else did anything but clap their hands to the music. Just a short while later the song ended and the band continued with some quieter, slower songs. Jun tried some of the punch, noted it didn't taste as bad as she thought, and went to Jin.

"So, what have you been doing all these years, son?"

"Practicing martial arts to get good enough to avenge your death."

"Ah-hah. Must feel like a big waste of time now."

"It sure does."

"Yes, I figured it would."

They were quiet for a while.

"So… are you and dad back together now or what?"

"I think he needs some time to get used to me."

"I just think it's pretty weird, that's all…"

"Aaw, don't you like it when your parents come back from death?"

Jin looked down on the floor.

"It's just that… you know, having a dead demonic father and a dead mother sort of made me special…"

"Oh." She nodded slowly. "And the fact that we both came back makes us a perfectly normal family, then?"

"No…" Jin's face brightened up again. "I'm still special!"

"Yes, you are… who's mommy's special boy?"

Jin smiled at her.

"I am."

"That's right, you are!" she purred and gave him a big hug. He giggled and hugged her back.

"Ah, it's good to be back. So how's life, otherwise?"

"Oh, it's okay… I just didn't expect to go on another party with the people I sort of hate."

"Another?"

"I hosted one three years ago. Huge mistake. But this appears to get much better! No one is drunk and it's on a cool boat."

"You like this boat?"

"Yeah, it's okay."

Jun smiled evilly.

"Then why don't you just take it?"

Jin stared at her.

"What?"

"If you like the boat, just claim it as your own!"

"But… I don't want to steal Lee's boat, mom. I like Lee, he's funny! Just look at him over there…" he said and pointed at him. "…drinking his cognac, crying in his hilarious party hat, looking at the watch, crying some more…" Jin chuckled. "He makes me laugh. He's like a clown."

Bruce, who was just walking by, stopped and gasped happily. Jin glared at him.

"A _funny_ clown, Bruce."

Bruce sighed and looked down at the floor.

"Okay… I guess I'll just go bury myself somewhere…" he mumbled.

"You do that." Jun suggested. "The world doesn't need another sad clown."

Bruce slowly walked away from them, mumbling sadly to himself. Jin gave Jun a worried look.

"Mom, that was unusually… evil of you. Shouldn't you be nice?"

"Jin, my son. If death taught me anything, it is you don't get squat being nice! Look at your dad! He totally used me because I was so nice! And look at that Chang bitch. She was nice before and now she's a nut job! And…" Jun glanced to her side and rolled her eyes with a sigh. "Oh, great, that nut job is coming over. Hi, honeeey!"

"Hiii!" Julia purred and hugged Jun quickly. "I was going to take a walk on deck. Want to come with?"

"I sure do! Be back later, honey." Jun said to Jin and left him there. Kazuya came out of nowhere and stood next to him.

"Mm! She's still got a sweet ass!" he said with a grin. Jin hid his face in his hands.

"Dad!" he growled. "Remember what I told you about what parents may not say in front of their kids!"

"Nope." He stated and walked away again. Jin remained there for a while, confused, before he shrugged and went to get more of the suddenly tasty punch.

- - -

Marduk and King sat by a table, drinking punch. Marduk put his glass down.

"…and then she broke up with me because apparently I was a crazy zealot. I mean, that's just stupid, right?"

"Rawr." King agreed.

"I don't want to change the fact that I know that Jesus loves me and she shouldn't have tried to make me."

"Rawr?"

"I know, I know, I might have exaggerated a bit when I asked her to marry me on our first date, but you know… sanctity of love and stuff."

"Rawr?"

Marduk frowned and gave King a surprised look.

"No! Just no, King! Why would I…? With the…? NO!"

Eddy came stumbling towards them with a huge grin on his face. Marduk glanced at him.

"Where's Christie?" he asked. "Normally you two are like conjoined twins."

"Rawr?"

"You know what I mean."

"Christie's out shopping!" Eddy slurred and pointed at the roof. "Pink."

Marduk and King glanced at each other.

"I see." Marduk finally said. "You know drugs are bad for you, right?"

"Rawr!"

"You hear?" Marduk asked Eddy with an agreeing nod. Eddy stared at King like he had never seen him before, shoved his hand into his pocket and took out a small, plastic bag. He held it close to King's face.

"Catnip?" he offered with a grin. King accepted the small bag and stared at it. He hopefully looked up at Marduk.

"Rawr?"

Marduk just crossed his arms and shook his head slowly. King's shoulders slumped in disappointment.

"Rawr." He sighed and carelessly tossed the small bag over his shoulder. Eddy watched it without any real interest and turned around.

"Christie?" he mumbled and staggered away. Marduk looked after him.

"God bless." He said and took another sip from the glass of punch. "Hm… strange aftertaste."

"Rawr."

They sat quietly for a while, just looking at the crowd. A short distance away, Bryan and Steve were talking to Yoshimitsu.

"It doesn't matter in the end what the critics say, Akira Kurosawa's movies are way better than the Beatles' albums. Not that there's much of a difference, but still, the critics are wrong. Dead wrong."

Steve nodded slowly.

"Well, I'd say, that is a rather interesting point of view, wouldn't you agree, Bryan?"

Bryan stared down into his cup of tea, stirring it extremely slowly. His head jerked up.

"Wha-? Oh, yeah, um… I concur."

Steve's eyes narrowed to slits and he began to finger the flyswatter's handle.

"Say, Bryan, what were we talking about again?"

"Err…" Bryan glanced at Yoshimitsu, who just grinned evilly. He cleared his throat and met Steve's look again.

"You were talking about the question regarding the measurements between the stars, isn't that quite correct?" he quickly guessed, smiled nervously and sipped some tea. With the pinky-finger sticking out. Steve waited until he put the cup down again and then smacked him. Hard.

"Pay attention to what your fellow men are discussing, Bryan!" he snarled. Bryan rubbed the side of his face.

"The pain…!" he hissed. Within seconds, Marduk stood behind them. He yanked the flyswatter out of Steve's hand.

"We're not in the tournament! Violence is wrong, guys. It makes Jesus sad."

Steve stared at him.

"Jesus…? Oh, religion is all nice, Marduk, but please return my flyswatter."

"No."

"Give me my flyswatter back!"

"You'll just use it for violence!"

Steve gave Bryan an encouraging look. Bryan sighed and rubbed the side of his face some more.

"But I agree with Marduk!"

"Gentleman way…?"

Bryan rolled his eyes and punched Marduk's arm slightly, just to get his attention. Marduk looked down at him.

"Why you big oaf, return Steve's fancy flyswatter this instant or I shall have to get very mad with you!" he ordered. Marduk stared at him. His mouth dropped open. Steve seized the moment and snatched his flyswatter back. King joined the small gathering.

"Rawr?"

Marduk shook his head very slowly and stared at Steve in disbelief.

"Steve…! What have you done…? What have you done!"

He pointed at Bryan with a shaky hand.  
"That isn't the Bryan we all know and love!"

Bryan frowned slightly.

"Love…?" he said to himself quietly, but was ignored.

"Why have you turned our beloved sadistic maniac killer cyborg into… _that_!"

Bryan looked up at him.

"Love…?" he repeated. "Who does that?"

"Jesus does, now shut up." Marduk said to him before turning back to Steve. "WHY!"

"Because Mr. Chaolan told me to."

"So it's all Lee's fault?"

"Actually, he was just joking, but I did it anyway."

"Why would Jesus love me? I don't even like the guy." Bryan muttered to himself.

"But… why? What harm has Bryan done to you?"

"Well… His manners bothered me?"

"That's it!"

They were quiet for a while, staring at each other. Bryan and King exchanged a small, confused glance.

"And because I want to get laid." Bryan added quickly.

"Rawr?"

"Well… Steve told me they liked this kind of stuff."

"Rawr."

Marduk glanced at Bryan.

"Wait… you actually want to be like that? You want to be wuss-Bryan!"

Bryan shrugged.

"I'm getting desperate. You know how it is."

King nodded slowly, agreeing wholeheartedly. He patted Bryan's shoulder to get his attention and poked his mask's upper lip.

"Rawr."

"What?"

"Rawr!"

"Oh." Bryan removed the fake moustache. "Better?"

"Rawr."

"Thanks."

Steve looked up at Marduk again.

"Would you fancy a cup of tea?"

Marduk shrugged.

"Why not?"

- - -

While the Bryan-discussion took place, Yoshimitsu was simply standing around, looking bored. He was just about to go away when he noticed something lying on the floor. He picked it up and looked at it, walking away. It was a small, plastic bag.

"Hmm…" Yoshimitsu mumbled to himself. "Well, isn't this weird… It looks like flour or something…"

He stopped and opened it. He licked a finger and tried some of the white dust.

"Hm… well, it's not flour. Can't really place it… tastes like vanilla or something…"

He opened the bag a bit more and leant down to smell some of it. Unfortunately, he breathed in too deep and too quickly. His face was almost completely covered in the white dust. He couched loudly and brushed it off.

"Hm…" he mumbled again and rubbed his nose. "It burns a little… it definitely isn't flour."

He stands still for a while, looking up at the ceiling with a thoughtful look on his face. He then shrugged and went outside to get some air.

- - -

**A/N:** About the medics: some enemies in Devil Within spin around when they "appear". We started making "whee" noises when they did and one thing led to another. Hehe.


	8. An offering of peace

**I made this:** Ugh, things are not going well in my life right now. Yeah, never mind that. We're being _so_ mean to Ganryu in this chapter. Actually, we are always mean to Ganryu. Hehe.

Enjoy, okay?

- - -

Ganryu gave the dining room a bored look. He shifted his weight between his feet every now and then with a pained grimace. Baek approached him, holding something in his hand.

"Hello Ganryu." He greeted. Ganryu glared at him.

"What is it now? Come to make fun of me some more, huh?"

Baek sighed slightly.

"Ah, yes, that… listen, I know you're hurt and everything, and I just realized how childish of me it really was to make fun of you because of your weight. So, as an offering of peace, I have brought you this."

He presented his gift. Ganryu gasped, surprised.

"Cake! How nice of you, Baek!"

Baek smiled almost devilishly.

"Yes, the very last piece of it, too…" he purred and put the plate down on the floor in front of Ganryu. He took a few steps back with a wide grin.

"It's all yours. Take it!" he said and laughed loudly at Ganryu's vain attempts to bend down and pick the plate up. Ganryu glared at him.

"Oh HA-HA, really funny. Just give me the freaking cake."

"Make me, fat man."

Baek grinned at Ganryu, not noticing Asuka who stopped beside him.

"Hello." She exclaimed happily. Baek was startled by her sudden appearance. He gave her a surprised stare and sighed.

"I'm getting _really_ sick of seeing your face every time I turn around!"

Asuka ignored him and turned to Ganryu.

"Why, hello there. What are…" she paused and looked down at the cake on the floor. "Why is there a piece of cake here?"

"I…!" Ganryu began, but was quickly interrupted by Baek.

"Ganryu has been safe-keeping it! For you, of course!"

"Oh! For me? Aaw, that's so sweet, Ganryu!" she squealed and picked it up. Baek handed her a spoon, grinning evilly at Ganryu.

"The very last piece, Asuka!"

Asuka took a spoonful of the cake, humming appreciatively.

"Oh, it's delicious!"

"Don't rush it! Take your time enjoying the…" he turned towards Ganryu, speaking louder. "…very last piece of the extremely delicious cake!"

"Oh, I will!" Asuka said and continued eating the cake. Ganryu glared angrily at Baek.

"I'll make you pay for this…! Somehow!" he hissed. Baek just laughed at him, walking away slowly. Ling appeared out of nowhere and gave Ganryu a sympathetic look.

"Aaw, Ganryu…" she began, patting him on the shoulder. "Did Baek make you sad again?"

Ganryu sobbed slightly.

"M-hm… Baek said I was fat. Well, he didn't say it outright, but he meant it!"

"Ganryu, you shouldn't feel fat… bad!"

Ganryu gave her a blaming look.

"See? Now you're doing it too!"

"You shouldn't be sad because you're a bit overweight, I mean… I guess there are a lot of good things in life for overweight people! And women like something to hold on to."

"Oh, yeah? Then why isn't Julia all over me!"

Asuka looked up from the cake.

"Because Julia is a nut job!" she slurred with her mouth full of whipped cream. Ganryu and Ling gave her a surprised stare. She looked around and fled the scene. Ling turned her attention back to Ganryu.

"Yeah, Julia has some… issues right now. I bet she'll come around."

"Pfft… yeah, right."

Ling thought long and hard and finally smiled again.

"Look at it this way! At least you're hard to kidnap!"

Ganryu looked up from the floor and considered it. Meanwhile, Ling's smile faded slightly.

"Unless the kidnappers have a truck… or a helicopter... Something that can lift heavy stuff…" she pondered loudly. She realized something.

"But I'm not saying that you're heavy!" she added quickly. Ganryu gave her an extremely sad look.

"You're not good at that stuff, Ling." He mumbled. Ling dug into her pocket and offered him, too, a lollipop.

"Here you go! This will make everything better!"

Ganryu looked away with a devastated sob.

"I don't want your dirty, Chinese sugar!" he moaned and snatched it out of her hand. "Just leave me alone!"

"But…"

"Don't look at me!" he yelled and turned around, bursting into tears. Ling stared at the back of his head and backed away slowly.

"Mmm…" she heard him mumble to himself, rolling the lollipop around in his mouth. "Caramel."

- - -

Marshall glanced at Forest and cleared his throat.

"So… son… are you really…?"

Forest rolled his eyes and sighed deeply.

"For the last time, dad, _yes_!"

"I thought you quit that in high-school!"

"High-school?"

"Didn't you?"

"Dad, I never even went to high-school."

"But…"

His voice trailed off at the end when he realized that Hwoarang was standing right next to them, looking at them curiously. Marshall and Forest stared back.

"You do realize that we stopped talking a while ago?" Marshall asked him. Hwoarang met his look.

"Oh. Oh, I wasn't listening." He said and walked away a bit. He stopped there and listened for more. Forest shook his head.

"That guy is weird." He whispered. Marshall nodded and put his hand on Forest's shoulder.

"Let's continue this conversation somewhere more private." He said and opened the door to the men's room. They closed the door behind them and stared in surprise at the scene in front of them. Paul was standing there, staring into the mirror, turning his head from side to side. He grinned at himself.

"Yeah…" he breathed. "Turns you on, doesn't it? Huh? You _sick freak_!" he hissed the last two words and for some reason began to rub the side of his face against the mirror. He caught sight of the Laws right before he began licking it. They still stared at him.

"Um… who are you talking to?" Forest finally asked. Paul leant back from the mirror and cleared his throat.

"Me." He replied.

"Oh."

They continued staring at each other.

"Should we leave?"

"Would you?"

Marshall and Forest quickly backed out again and remained there for a while, staring out into nothing. Forest finally shuddered.

"I had hoped I'd never have to see that again…" he muttered.

"Let's pretend that never happened." Marshall said quietly. Forest just nodded. Inside the men's room, Paul still looked at the door. He then glanced at the mirror.

"Now, where were we…?" he purred and turned back to it. He leapt back with a surprised yelp as he saw Raven standing a bit behind him, staring at him with a blank face. Paul calmed down a bit and stood quietly, waiting for him to leave.

"Um… do you mind?" he finally asked.

"No." Raven replied shortly. They stood like that for a while. Paul sighed deeply and began tapping his fingers against the wall. Raven suddenly grinned.

"Shy, huh?" he asked.

- - -

Eddy and Christie sat all alone by a table, chatting in a very rambling and incoherent way. Christie had several glasses of lemonade in front of her, most of them emptied. Eddy looked around cautiously and took something out of his pocket. He smelled the very home-made cigarette with questionable content and took a lighter from the same pocket. He put the cigarette in his mouth and prepared to light it. All of a sudden the lighter was snatched from his hand. He looked up at the guy who took it, surprised. The guy calmly picked the cigarette from his mouth.

"I'll take that." Lei said calmly and put the things in his pocket. "Those things are illegal, you know."

"Even the lighter?"

Lei shrugged.

"I've heard the stories about what you've drunk over the years, Eddy."

Christie's head suddenly jerked up from the table. She had a huge grin on her face.

"Kitty…!" she hissed. Lei grimaced, rolled his eyes and sat down next to them.

"I guess that will haunt me to my death."

"You're damn right it will…" she mumbled and her head suddenly fell back to the table. Lei gave Eddy a puzzled look.

"She's wasted." He said calmly.

"How?"

"Drinking."

"Fair enough."

They sat quietly there for a while, looking at the activity in the dining room. Every now and then Christie made some funny, snoring noises. Eddy suddenly seemed to realize something.

"They're not illegal!" he suddenly cried out. Lei leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms.

"Oh? Why not?"

"Because… we're on international waters! According to The Simpsons, we can do anything now!"

Lei gave him a surprised look.

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

Christie suddenly stood up again.

"Bathroom!" she exclaimed loudly and stumbled away. Lei looked at her, slowly took the contents of his pocket out and gave them a thoughtful look.

"Are you sure, Eddy?" he asked again. Eddy nodded happily. Lei's face brightened up.

"So… I can do whatever the flying fuck I want to?"

Eddy stared at him, chocked.

"You said the k-word…!" he whispered. Lei grinned and leant back against the chair some more.

"Finally…!" he said and put the cigarette into his mouth, loosened his tie and let his hair down. He lit the cigarette and coughed slightly. He glanced at Eddy and pointed at the cigarette again.

"This is what I think it is, right?"

Eddy shrugged. Lei took it out, gave it a hesitant look, then shrugged and put it back. He coughed again.

"Dude, you're not supposed to smoke from that end."

Lei took it out and looked at it.

"How do you see the difference?"

Eddy grinned.

"You're talking to the veteran here."

"Right." Lei mumbled and lit the other end. Eddy suddenly grinned again.

"Hey! Try sticking it up your nose… it's great!"

"No… I think this is safer…" Lei said and looked up at the roof. He glanced at Eddy again.

"Are my ears really supposed to tingle?"

"You have ears?"

"Well, actually…" he began, but paused, apparently realizing something. An evil smile slowly appeared on his face. "Hey… where did Christie go?"

"Right over there…" Eddy mumbled and pointed at her, arguing about something with Heihachi. Lei got up, brushed his clothes and walked over to her, swaying slightly.

"Hey, Christie?" he asked with a disturbingly soft voice. She turned around and grunted at him. He grinned evilly again.

"NO RULES!" he suddenly shouted and without warning he tore her shirt off. All activity in the room died down and everyone stared at her openly. Most of the men grinned. Lei took a step back, admiring the duo. There was a sound of someone running quickly and out of nowhere Hwoarang burst forward and grabbed Christie's breasts. He squeezed them slightly a few times and then let go, staring in horror at his own hands.

"NOTHING!" he wailed loudly. "I FEEL NOTHING!"

He then ran off, crying in a comically devastated way. Christie looked down on her own chest and covered herself with a yelp. She stretched a hand out and grabbed the first person she could, which just happened to be Ling, and pressed her close to herself. Most of the men in the room grinned even bigger.

"Give me your shirt…!" Christie hissed. Ling stared at her.

"But I have nothing on under it, I need it!"

"Not all of it!" Christie said loudly and quickly ripped Ling's shirt, baring her stomach. Ling gasped loudly.

"What are you doing?" she yelled. Appreciative mumbles came from the males.

"Wait!" Marshall almost yelled to be heard all over the room. "We can't watch this! She's too young!"

"She's 18. It's perfectly legal." Jin purred.

"Oh. Okay. Never mind."

The men enjoyed the 'show' for a while longer, until Christie managed to tie the small piece of cloth around her chest. She looked down on it, content with how it looked. Everyone kept looking for a while, and then gave up when it was clear nothing more would happen. There were some groans of disappointment. After a short while they heard the sound of a toilet flushing. Paul came out from the men's room and looked around. For some reason, most of the people in there looked at him.

"So!" he said loudly and happily. "What's going on out here?"

No one said anything. He caught sight of Ling and Christie and their strange clothing. His smile faded while he looked at them.

"Wait… no… did they…?" he began, pointing at them. Feng noticed that, nodded and grinned. Paul looked completely devastated.

"So Christie was…! And they… she… NO!" he cried and sobbed slightly. "God, no! Why? WHY?"

He pointed at the door to the men's room.

"I just had to take a leak! And those two…! God, why! Even the fat guy saw it, for crying out loud!"

Ganryu gave him an annoyed look.

"Oh, yeah, the fat guy isn't allowed to look at hot women anymore…?" he grumbled and crossed his arms. Paul cried out in frustration and, to a certain extent sorrow, and stormed out of the room.


	9. Kaleidoscopic!

**Notesies:** Um... yeah. I've just had a wonderful (absolutely marvelous, actually) cup of coffee. Mmm. Anyways, here you get more craziness. Yay, craziness!

- - -

Nina emptied her glass of lemonade and went back to get another one. She sipped it quietly and didn't pay any attention to the other person coming to get more.

"It tastes horrible, doesn't it?" Anna asked her while filling up her own glass. Nina nodded slowly.

"It sure does."

They stood quietly for a while, not looking at each other.

"So, what's wrong with you?" Anna finally asked. Nina jerked her head up.

"Huh? Or, right…" she mumbled and rolled her eyes. "Blah, blah, I hate you, stuff like that… Listen, I'm really not in the mood for that junk right now."

Anna nodded slowly.

"I understand. Should we take a break for the night?"

"Let's." Nina agreed. "By the way, do you know what's wrong with Steve?"

"Do you mean the British-thing? I told him to act like a gentleman for once. I guess he took it just a little bit too literally."

"Yeah, he did. And he made that other guy even scarier than before. What's his name?"

"What, you mean Bryan? I think that's pretty hot, actually."

"Well, why wouldn't you? I mean, you slept with Ogre and dated Jack-5…"

"Shut up."

"Make me."

They stood quietly for a while, glaring at each other. Nina finally sighed deeply, her shoulders slumping down in a comical way.

"God, I need a man!"

"Me too, I just realized that Jack wasn't the guy for me…"

Nina interrupted her by clearing her throat and motioning towards Anna with her head. Anna looked over her shoulder at Jack-5, who was standing just a bit away, staring out into nothing. Anna looked back at Nina with an embarrassed look on her face and sipped a little lemonade from her glass.

"Well, wasn't this awkward…" she muttered.

- - -

Hwoarang came back into the dining room, looking around for Christie. When he didn't see her, he walked over to Ling, who had gotten used to her torn shirt. He patted her shoulder. She turned towards him with a smile.

"Yes?"

He raised his slightly shaking hands towards her with a distressed look on his face.

"I felt nothing…!" he whimpered. She glanced to her sides, as if looking for an escape route.

"So…?" she asked him.

"Can I try with yours?"

She stared at him, surprised.

"What! Of course not, you jerk!" she growled at him. Paul appeared out of nowhere and grabbed one of Hwoarang's wrists. He stared at the palm of his hand with a hysterical grin on his face.

"These touched Christie…!" he whispered, broke out into insane laughter and began rubbing the hand against his face. Hwoarang and Ling stared at him. Hwoarang's face softened and he looked at Paul with something close to a loving expression on his face as Paul began licking his hand with disgusting noises. Ling looked from Hwoarang to Paul and slowly backed away. Hwoarang seemed to realize something and slapped his own face with his free hand.

"NO! No, no, no, no, no!" he cried out and pushed Paul away. He then ran off, whimpering about a burning sensation. Paul wiped his mouth, looking after him.

"Maybe I overreacted." He stated to himself and walked off to get some more lemonade.

- - -

Nina and Anna strolled slowly through the dining room, looking around.

"Well… how about Paul?" Anna asked. Nina shrugged.

"I don't know, really… he wasn't that good, was he?"

"No, no, maybe not… then maybe… Lee?"

"The birthday boy? Yeah, why not?"

They stopped when they heard him break out into hysterical sobs again. His hilarious party hat was slanted on his head. Heihachi still sat next to him, looking pained by all sorts of things life can do to one man. Anna and Nina grimaced.

"No." they agreed simultaneously. They looked around some more.

"Where did Raven go?" Anna asked with a grin.

"Hmmm…" Nina mumbled, looking up at the roof, considering it. "Yeah, he might not be so bad after all."

Anna suddenly elbowed her side with a motion towards a darkened corner. Nina grinned.

"Perfect." She purred and the sisters moved towards it with diabolical determination.

- - -

Lei leant against the wall, looking at his watch with anticipation.

"Alright, Eddy said it would be just about…" he mumbled to himself, but was interrupted by his own surprised scream as he was yanked from the safety of his dark corner. He found himself staring at the faces of two grinning sisters.

"Why hello Lei." Nina purred, leaning at his arm.

"How are you?" Anna asked, leaning at the other arm, playing with a lock of his hair.

"I'm just fine… about to become even better." He replied, looking from one to another. "How are you doing?"

"Oh, just great!"

"Now…" Nina added, giggling in a very uncharacteristically girlish way.

"Uh-huh." Lei laughed nervously and began looking for escape routes. "Listen, I should…"

"So, what do you do for a living?" Anna interrupted him.

"Oh, I'm a cop."

Anna and Nina gave each other a surprised look and grinned widely.

"Oh, have we been mean, officer?" Nina asked, tugging his tie with a smile.

"Are you here to arrest us?" Anna added.

"Isn't that shirt a little too tight?"

Lei gave them each surprised looks, frowning. Then he understood what they meant.

"Oh. Oh, man…" he began, pushing them away a bit. "Listen, ladies, I _really_ am a cop…"

His voice trailed off as Nina presented a wrinkly piece of paper. Lei stared, fascinated, at the money she managed to tuck inside the waistband of his pants. He looked closer and gasped.

"Is that fifty bucks? I'm in!" he squealed happily and put his arms around their shoulders, leading the giggling women towards the cabins.

- - -

Julia nodded thoughtfully about what Jun just said. They strolled down the side of the yacht, enjoying the evening breeze.

"Well… that thing about high-heels really is interesting, but I don't know about the thing with your calves. You know, with the surgery and stuff. Is that really legal?" Julia asked. Jun shrugged slightly.

"Well, I guess that depends on who you ask."

"Oh, like…" Julia began, but was interrupted by a shadowy figure suddenly appearing in front of them.

"Oh. Hi Jun. Hi Julia." Bruce greeted them quietly.

Jun sighed almost unnoticeably.

"Hello, Bruce." She replied, unable to hide the annoyed tone in her voice. "What are you doing out here?"

Bruce looked out at sea with a sigh.

"I just thought the cold air could make me feel something for once. I was wrong." He moaned and showed them a bottle in his hand. "And the wine tastes like cardboard, too!"

He sighed, his shoulder slumping down, and gave the bottle to Jun.

"Here…" he sighed. "Take this, and make sure that you…!"

He was interrupted abruptly as Jun without reason smashed the bottle against the side of his head, making him collapse to the floor. Julia stared in surprise at him. Jun still held the bottleneck in her hand, she turned the sharp edges down against Bruce and dropped it. It hit him with a disgusting, wet sound.

"Ow…." He moaned quietly. Jun brushed her hands off against each other and turned to Julia with a hearty smile.

"I'm hungry. Let's go get a snack."

Julia didn't even consider it for a second.

"Okay!" she replied happily and followed Jun back towards the dining room. They didn't see Steve and Bryan turning the corner a bit away, talking unnecessarily loudly to each other for the sixth time that night about the weather while sipping tea. They stopped just a few steps from Bruce and looked down on him curiously. Bryan turned his head towards Steve.

"I say, Steve, there appears to be a wounded African-American in our way."

"Why yes, Bryan, so it seems! What would be the gentleman course of action in this situation?"

Bryan thought hard about it for a second.

"Give him a quarter?" he replied hesitantly. Steve smiled and nodded.

"That's just it! Very good, Bryan."

"Oh! And a biscuit!"

"Why, that's very generous of you, Bryan."

"Thank you, Steve."

"Now let's just quietly sip our tea for a while."

"Yes, let's!"

They sipped their tea. Slowly. Steve hummed thoughtfully when he put the cup back on the little matching saucer in his hand.

"That is very good tea, isn't it?" he stated.

"Why yes! Delicious, I'd say."

"Though it needs a bit more honey."

"That's just what I was thinking! Let's go ask that friendly Lee fellow for more honey!"

"Why, that's a splendid idea!" Steve squealed and paused for a moment. He dug in his pocket and presented a shiny quarter. He dropped it next to Bruce's head.

"Here you go, little fellow! And here's…" he dug in his pocket some more and found the aforementioned biscuit, dropping it next to Bruce's head. "…your biscuit, too!"

He then sighed, sipped some tea and turned to Bryan again.

"So, shall we?"

"Oh, after you."

"Why, thank you."

After that little conversation they simply stepped over Bruce and continued towards the dining room.

"Pain…!" he hissed behind them, something they ignored. They entered the dining room and quickly made their way towards Lee.

"Why hello, Mr. Chaolan!" Steve greeted.

"Lovely weather, isn't it?" Bryan added.

"We just came to ask if you might by any chance have some honey."

Lee looked up at them, darkly. He grimaced and hid his face in his hands with a groan.

"For the last time, YES! Ask the French Guy!"

Steve drew for breath to ask something more. Lee's arm shot out to his side, quickly.

"In the kitchen!" he hissed at them.

"Why…" Bryan began with a huge grin.

"Shut up."

Steve noticed Heihachi and smiled at him.

"Why, hello Mr. Mishima."

Heihachi gave them a tired glance.

"Yeah, yeah, nice weather and good tea, I get it. Just go away."

"Well, it was nice meeting you!" Bryan stated happily. Heihachi glared at him. Bryan and Steve ignored him and turned towards the kitchen. They opened the doors with friendly smiles.

"Get out of my kitchen!" the French Guy roared angrily. The Japanese chef quickly shoved a jar of honey in Steve's arms and forced the doors closed. Bryan and Steve glanced at each other, shrugged and walked off, looking for new adventures.

- - -

Ling looked up the stairs with a huge grin on her face. She then looked down on the velvet rope. After a moment's consideration, she unhooked the end of it from the wall, slunk past it and put it back. She then grinned again, looking up at the mysterious darkness above.

"Ah, what could happen?" she asked herself optimistically and climbed the stairs, ready for whatever might come.

- - -

Forest grinned at Paul, who just turned the corner.

"Well!" he purred. "Fancy meeting you here."

Paul gave him a surprised look.

"Oh, hi. What are you doing so far away from daddy?" he asked and laughed shortly yet loudly. Forest shrugged.

"Ah, dad doesn't get me, you know."

Paul frowned slightly.

"Aren't you a little old for a teenage rebellion?"

"Screw that." Forest grinned at him. "You know, I've missed those times of wild, thoughtless, sweaty mansex we had."

"Oh, yeah…" Paul said and chuckled when he looked back at it. "All those nights of partying."

"The suggestive phone calls we made to Jin."

"That other guy."

"The little black books you collected, those were great."

"The stuff I did to everyone."

"Yeah…" Forest said slowly and grimaced. "Actually, that wasn't funny."

They laughed at it together for a short while. Forest made a motion towards a door with his head.

"I found a Jacuzzi. Wanna defile Lee's boat?"

Paul shrugged.

"Sure. I need to get my mind off Christie and Ling." He said and sighed. "Just thinking about that makes me want to run off crying again."

Forest grinned, opened the door and stared in surprise. Paul looked over his shoulder at the guy floating face down in the Jacuzzi.

"Well…" Paul finally said. "That was unexpected."

"Who is that?" Forest asked, his face brightening up with sadistic anxiousness. "Is it Jin?"

One of the Scotsmen walked up towards them from behind.

"Oi!" he called. "Yer nay supposed ta be here…"

He fell silent when he noticed the body in the Jacuzzi. He grabbed his hair with a squeal.

"Nay! Fergus!" he called out and then stamped the floor with a frustrated groan. "I told ye not to swim to the deep end!"

He then sighed, rolled his eyes and forced his way past Forest and Paul. He pulled Forest along with him, opened a closet a bit away from the Jacuzzi and showed a black garbage bag at his chest. He took a long, hooked stick from the closet and grinned at Forest.

"Ye just hold that bag, laddie, ar'ight?" he ordered and began trying to fish Fergus' body out of the water. Forest looked over his shoulder at Paul, who by now very much resembled a sad puppy.

"So are we defiling Lee's boat or what?" he asked. Forest groaned.

"I think I'm gonna be sick…" he said quietly. Paul grimaced and kicked the door.

"Damn it! What does a guy have to do to get some action around here!" he growled and walked away, muttering to himself. Funny noises came from the Jacuzzi-room.

"Oi! He nay be dead!" the Scotsman exclaimed happily.

"Oh god…" Forest whined.

- - -

Eddy sat outside, looking out over the sea. He saw random objects happily jumping up and down in the water. He didn't pay them any attention. He heard muffled sounds of the band from inside. He noticed after a while another sound, something from far, far away. Or something quiet from nearby. He tilted his head slightly, concentrating on the sound with the few shattered remains of his mind. He suddenly realized it came from nearby and turned his head, almost smashing it into Yoshimitsu's face. Yoshimitsu's eyes blinked, changed colour, grew and acted generally kaleidoscopically. Together with his maniacal grin, it gave him a weird, 'happy-nightmare' look. It was pretty, in a strangely trippy kind of way. Yoshimitsu leapt back with a startled yelp, causing Eddy to do the very same thing. Yoshimitsu then pointed at him with a shaky finger.

"Demon bird! DEMON BIRD!" he cried. Eddy frowned.

"Sugar?" he suggested. Yoshimitsu calmed down and seemed to consider it.

"Fuzzy lemons." He finally managed to reply. Eddy glared at him.

"No!" he said loudly, as if correcting a child. Yoshimitsu shrugged, walked over to the railing and looked down in the water. Eddy shook his head, slowly.

"Who's your daddy?" he mumbled out into the open and fell down on deck. Yoshimitsu sighed deeply.

"You know I grew up by the sea?" he said slowly. "There was this huge manatee, her name was Lucy, and everybody got eaten by her. Every single one. I'll never forget about Lucy, she owes me five bucks."

Eddy nodded thoughtfully.

"Good point, dude." He said. "But didn't you grow up in the forest kind of stuff?"

Yoshimitsu shrugged.

"Well, it was the forest in the sea or the sea in the forest, it was something like that, I don't know, I wasn't listening."

Eddy mumbled something incoherent.

"I like my tie." Yoshimitsu stated, climbed up on the railing and spread his arms out.

"Wheeeeeee!" he cried out, momentarily lost his balance and dropped his sword into the sea.

"Bunnies!" he cursed and jumped after it. Eddy noticed this and raised his hand.

"Fight the power! I believe you can fly!" he cried out and then cheered some more for no apparent reason before burping and passing out.

- - -

Wang woke up, stretching slightly. His joints cracked in an old-man kind of way. He looked around, checking where he was. He was lying on an uncomfortable, thin bed and the Scotland flag was taped to the ceiling above him. He heard some slurred conversation and sat up. His sudden appearance was greeted by happy cheers.

"Oi! The ol' man's up!"

"Yay, 'e ain't dead!"

"'ere!" someone said happily and showed a glass full of an amber liquid that smelled like burning pain under his nose. "'ave some WHISHKEY!"

Wang blinked.

- - -

**A/N:** For avoiding confusion in later chapters: Strippers like to show up dressed as cops. Nuff said.


	10. Marduk's Opinion

**A/N**: First and foremost, THANK YOU ALL for your reviews! They make me so very, very happy! Very!

Keep them reviews coming, peoples!

- - -

Marduk looked down into the cup of tea, swirled it around and drank some. He then made a happy little humming noise before putting the cup down on the saucer again. In his gigantic ape-hands the fine china looked very, very troubled. He looked around. He had managed to gather quite a crowd. Beside him sat King, his mask still glaring angrily at everything and everyone around him. Marshall stood a bit away, looking generally bored. Feng stood next to him, looking in a strangely curious way at the fine china in Marduk's hands. Baek and Asuka were forcing small talk. It was very forced.

"Alright." Marduk began and cleared his throat. "I have gathered you all here today to discuss something very serious with you. We must re-Americanize Bryan!"

He looked very, very serious about it.

"What!" Feng asked loudly. "Why? I've only met him once or twice, and I'd rather see him as a British wuss than have him going psychopath on me any more."

Asuka grimaced slightly.

"I agree. He was a maniac, you know. Now all he does is to dress funny and discuss tea."

"Rawr." King added. No one knew for sure whether he agreed or not. Marduk looked around, staring at the young speakers in disbelief.

"Are you guys serious! He's not supposed to be like that! I know, I don't like the painful stuff either, but that snob-guy he's acting like now is not the Bryan he's supposed to be, right? Why is he trying to be something he's not, anyway?"

"I heard it was because he's trying to get laid." Baek replied. Paul, who was just walking by, stopped abruptly. He turned to them with an excited look on his face.

"Who's trying to get laid!" he asked loudly and quickly. The small group stared at him.  
"Bryan." Baek repeated.

"Oh." Paul sighed in disappointment. He took a short step back. "Never mind."

He then continued on his way, shuddering in disgust every now and then. Marduk turned his attention back to the group, shaking his head slowly.

"That man is going to burn in hell." He stated. "Now, about the…"

"Why?" Asuka interrupted him. He gave her a surprised look.

"What?"

"Why is Paul going to burn in hell?"

"Because he is a sexual deviant, that's why. That stuff he's done makes Jesus sad in the eye."

Asuka considered it for a while.

"Do you mean that he's going to be punished just for being a bisexual?"

"He's not bisexual!" Marshall corrected her. "He is just a guy who sleeps with everything that has a hole!"

"Hear, hear!" Baek agreed. Feng looked after Paul, looking extremely disturbed.

"He's sick…" he whispered. Marshall patted his shoulder in sympathy. King shook his head slowly. Marduk looked around at them, looking increasingly chocked.

"Wait… how do you know this stuff?"

The four men glanced at each other. Asuka looked confused.

"Weeell…" Marshall began.

"Um… you see…" Feng tried to continue, but couldn't think of anything better. Baek just stared down on the floor, his shoulders slumped down. King made weak, growling noises. Marduk waited for someone to say something. Baek began scraping his foot against the floor. Marduk then finally got it.

"Oh… wait, you all have…?"

There was a short silence before Marshall, blushing, finally cleared his throat and nodded, looking down at the floor. Asuka gave him a surprised look.

"All of you!" Marduk gasped. Marshall nodded again. Asuka gave the four guilty ones equally surprised looks, before finally staring at Baek. She frowned and crossed her arms.

"And when had you planned to tell me this!" she snarled at him. He sighed and gave her an annoyed look.

"For the last time, Asuka, I'm not available!"

Marduk ignored them.

"But… don't you know homosexuality is a sin!"

Marshall and Feng glanced at each other.

"I'm not gay." Feng said.

"Me neither." Marshall agreed.

"Definitely not." Baek added.

"Rawr!"

"That doesn't matter!" Marduk roared at them, making everyone in the room look at him. Even the band stopped. "You three had sex with a man! You're going to BURN for that!"

Almost everyone in the room gasped simultaneously. The band looked around curiously. Marduk stared in disbelief at the large crowd.

"Wait… ALL of you had sex with Paul?" he asked loudly enough for everyone to hear. No one really said anything. There were some ashamed mutters. Marduk moaned in a desperate way.

"Even Ganryu?" he whined, pointing at the sumo wrestler. Ganryu looked down and nodded almost unnoticeably. There were some people making disgusted noises. Marduk looked back at Asuka, who shrugged. He looked back at the crowd.

"Okay…" he said to himself, trying to calm down, before addressing the people again. "Who here has ever had a homosexual relationship or affair of any kind!"

Every man in the room raised a hand in shame. Heihachi and Jack-5 did nothing. To everyone's surprise, Christie raised a hand after a while. Marduk sobbed and pointed at the crowd, letting his index-finger of judgement sweep back and forth over them.

"You're all going to be sorry! All you men in here!" he cried. No one said anything.

"And Christie!" he added after a short while.

"But…" Kazuya began, raising his hand hesitantly again. Marduk sighed and pointed at him, giving him permission to speak.

"I was raped." He explained. The majority of the men in the room immediately pointed at him, nodding quickly, all trying to explain the situation at the same time, causing chaos. Marduk looked around, trying to calm everyone down at once. Finally, after a few attempts with shouting, whistling and dancing, he managed to make them all shut up.

"Okay." He began. "So you were all raped?"

Everyone nodded quickly, agreeing.

"By Paul?"

Nods.

"Oh. Well, in that case…"

He cleared his throat and again whipped out his index-finger of judgement.

"All of you in here who had homosexual relationships by your own free will shall burn for it! ESPECIALLY Paul!"

Most people in there cheered wholeheartedly. There were some, like Paul, who weren't quite so happy. Asuka leant closer to Feng.

"Why did Paul rape everyone?" she whispered. Feng shrugged. She frowned slightly.

"And how come he hasn't tried me yet? I'm cute enough for unwanted attention, right?"

"Yeah, sure." Feng replied. "But I heard he don't try underage women anymore since Ling slapped that lawsuit on him the moment she turned 18. Haven't you ever wondered where she got the cash and the motorcycle from?"

"Oh." Asuka said, nodding slowly. "Makes sense."

The cheering soon came to a stop. With that little problem settled, Marduk and the small group of re-Americanizers went back to more serious matters.

"Now…" Marduk began, pausing to think. He thought for a long, long time. "Um… where was I?"

- - -

Ling slowly stepped up to the table where Lee and Heihachi sat. She walked very slowly, with one hand pressed against her stomach. She stopped a bit away from Lee. He had stopped crying and moping, he was just glaring angrily at everyone present at his party, still wearing the hilarious party hat, drinking his cognac. He had a bandage tied around the hand Eddy had stabbed. Heihachi gave Ling a puzzled look.

"Hey, why are you so pale?" he asked. She stared at a point above Lee's left ear and cleared her throat quietly.

"I went upstairs…" she said weakly. "And… I saw a kitty, and it was nice, so I petted it, and… and then it scratched me, so I went back down."

Lee and Heihachi stared at her for a while, before glancing at each other.

"Um… Ling, the only thing close to a 'kitty' upstairs is the French guy's lioness he adopted during my trip to Africa." Lee explained. Heihachi gave him a surprised look.

"You went to Africa?" he asked.

"You don't know anything about me." Lee muttered darkly and took a mouthful of cognac. Ling still stared straight ahead of herself.

"Oh…" She finally said, her right eyelid twitching slightly. "…that explains this…"

With that said, she removed her hand from her stomach. Lee and Heihachi gave horrified yelps and stared at the wounds for a while.

"My GOD!" Lee finally exclaimed. "How do you manage to stay in one piece!"

"Or on your feet?" Heihachi added.

"Mother said…" Ling began again. "…don't ever complain… be nice… be good… behave…"

Lee and Heihachi glanced at each other again, worriedly.

"Maybe you should sit down?" Heihachi offered. Ling blinked.

"I… must use the fa…cilities… excuse me…"

She turned around and walked away, slowly. Zombie-slowly. Heihachi turned his head to Lee.

"Maybe you should call the first-aid guys?"

Lee glared at him.

"Did you bring your wallet? Those guys aren't free!"

"They're not?"

"No!"

"Okay, then screw it." Heihachi said and shrugged the concern off.

- - -

"For the last time!" Marduk snarled again. The re-Americanizers sat around a small, round table, still discussing the Bryan-matter. "We must remind him of who he really is! He is a maniacal killer cyborg and that's just what he likes to be!"

"But we don't like him to be that!" Feng snarled back. Asuka nodded quickly. Baek sat beside them, looking from talker to talker with an amused look on his face. King did the very same thing, but it wasn't possible to see if he was amused or not. "We like our faces intact, thank you very much!"

"But he's suffering!"

"He looks perfectly happy to me!"

"What if we just make sure he gets some action?" Asuka suggested. Marduk and Feng nodded slowly.

"Yes… but whom?" Marduk pondered.

"Asuka, would you?" Feng asked hopefully. She stared at him and wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"What… with _Bryan_? No way! I was thinking more of Anna or Jul… er, Hwoarang!"

Hwoarang, who was just standing a bit away, jerked his head up.

"I'm not gay!" he called. Baek got up from his chair and pointed at Hwoarang.

"YES, YOU ARE!" he shouted back at him. Marduk, Feng, King and Asuka stared at him in surprise.

"I had to train that brat." He explained. "I know."

Marduk shook his head.

"Whatever. Okay, so Asuka didn't want him and I'm pretty sure he's not gay. How about Christie then?"

Baek shook his head.

"Christie is Eddy's bitch. Bryan and Eddy's 'lovely' friendship was ruined because of her, I don't think he'll take her."

At this very moment, Christie came in through the door with Eddy leaning against her arm. They had somehow managed to hear exactly what he had said. Eddy left the safety of Christie's arm and poked his finger into Marduk's chest.

"'ey! Don't you be goin' spreading lies 'bout mah woman!"

"Yeah!" Christie added. Marduk gave the two of them puzzled looks.

"But I didn't say anything." He attempted to protest. Meanwhile, Wang stumbled by, looking for the men's room. Eddy put his arm around Christie's shoulders.

"You're damn right ya didn't! See here!" he said and pointed to her cleavage. "It's Eddy written all over her!"

Everyone around the table leant closer, trying to see something. They could make out the word 'Eddy's' tattooed on her left breast. It looked like it had been written by a drunk four-year old. The line on one of the D's stretched up almost to her armpit. Christie stared at it.

"You gave me a tattoo!" she shrieked. The group leant back, looking at each other.

"Strange that we never noticed that when Lei ripped her shirt off." Feng noted.

"Isn't it just?" Baek agreed. Eddy grinned at Christie.

"Yeah! When you were sleepin'!"

"You gave me a tattoo when I was sleeping! Were you drunk?"

"No…" Eddy replied, looking like a pouting kid. "I was high."

"That wasn't very bright." Marduk stated, grinning. Eddy turned around and raised his hand to punch him. Marduk leant back and reached out almost instinctively. He managed to hook Wang(who was justwalking by,aiming for the facilities)with his arm, pulling him close to himself while he pointed at Eddy.

"Get back! Or me and my…"

His mental voice acted up.

"_Just say 'Christianity', you big stupid…_"

"…Wang will hurt you!" Marduk finished. Eddy, Christie and the re-Americanizing group stared at him. The mental voice sighed.

"_Idiot._" Itsaid darklyand gave him a mental kick. Marduk didn't move a muscle. Wang looked around, confused. Eddy suddenly giggled.

"You and your wang?" he repeated, giggling hysterically. Christie glared at him and took a step closer.

"Well, you might as well get started." She said, glancing every now and then at Eddy. "'cus my man here, he ain't got nothin' downtown!"

Eddy's giggling came to an abrupt stop. Feng broke out into giggling instead. Eddy gave Christie an embarrassed look.

"Why do you have to bring it up in public, hun?"

"Dontcha 'hun' me!" she hissed at him. She turned back to Marduk, looking at him with fake admiration. She took a step closer.

"He ain't so big, but I've worked wonders with smaller, trust me, babe."

Marduk stared at her. A big grin broke out on his face.

"Really? You want to…?"

"Oh sure! You and your… wang."

Feng's giggling increased in strength. Wang suddenly broke out of Marduk's grip, glaring at them all.

"You damn western people and your funny language! Wang is an ancient Chinese name with tradition and honour behind it. Of course, no one of you would know! Except giggly there." Wang paused to point at Feng, who didn't notice. "Now screw you all!"

He stormed off, muttering to himself in Chinese. Eddy glanced at Christie, who didn't look back.

"You didn't really mean all that." He said.

"No." she replied. "Now give me some sugar, bitch."

Eddy gave her a quick kiss, before they walked off together. The re-Americanizing group once again sat down and went back to business.

"Okay, where were we… oh, right. Where's Anna?" Marduk asked.

"I haven't seen her all night." Baek replied. Feng had stopped giggling by then.

"Nina?"

"Not her, either. Maybe they're dead!" he added hopefully.

"Dammit, why couldn't Lee just get some strippers?" Feng groaned in frustration. Marduk slapped the back of his head.

"No lustful thoughts about poor women who will never amount to anything else but sleazy ladies." He ordered. Feng rubbed the back of his head with a surprised glance at him.

"You Christian guys are all weird!" he said.

"Ling!" Baek exclaimed. "I'm sure she'll put out if we get her drunk enough!"

They looked around.

"Where is Ling, anyway?" Asuka asked.

- - -

Julia banged the booth-door again, hard and angrily.

"Hello? Have you DIED in there?" she snarled at whoever was inside. Jun came out of another booth.

"Julia, stop bothering the girl in there. Just use this one."

"No way, I was going for this one and I won't let whoever is sleeping in here stop me from using it!" she hissed back and tried to force the door open by throwing herself at it. Jun shook her head and washed her hands. When she turned around, she noticed something on the floor.

"Um, Julia. I really don't think you should use that booth."

"Why not?"

Jun pointed at the puddle of blood steadily growing from the other side of the locked door. Julia and Jun stared at it in horror before glancing at each other. They left the women's room quickly, alerting one of the cleaners outside about it. He quickly went inside and sighed about the puddle on the floor.

"Oh, great, blood on the stupid, white floor…" he mumbled and called the first-aid guys.

- - -

"Ah, I'm sure she's around here somewhere." Marduk dismissed it.

"Okay, that leaves Julia and Jun." Asuka said.

The group looked at each other.

"Julia's a nut job!" they all stated at the exact same time. Except King, of course, who made random, snarling noises.

"But so is Bryan…" Marduk added. There was a short silence as they considered it, everyone getting horrid, mental pictures of the two nut jobs together.

"Let's put that in the maybe-pile, okay?"

"What 'maybe-pile'?" Marshall asked.

"The one we just made up!" Marduk replied sharply. "And Jun is still Kazuya's little bitch. That leaves us with a woman who might as well scratch his eyes out as make out with him. See? We have to re-Americanize him some other way." Marduk concluded. Feng hid his face in his hands and gave a frustrated, hissing sigh.

"For the last time! We don't WANT to re-Americanize him some other way! We like the…" he paused to search for words. "…wussiness!"

Marduk looked over his shoulder and noticed that Bryan and Steve were standing just a while away, talking to each other. Marduk pointed in their direction.

"See? That can only lead to something very, very horrible. Can you live with the fact that you allowed _that_ to continue on your conscience? Huh?"

The rest of the group looked at them.

"Yes." Baek said happily.

"Just wait." Marduk said. "It gets worse."

Bryan talked with exaggerated facial and bodily movements while he dipped a small biscuit into his cup of tea, his pinkie finger of course sticking out. Steve nodded every now and then, sipping his tea. He suddenly frowned at something Bryan had said and fingered the handle of the fancy fly-swatter, which made Bryan cower in a heartbreakingly wussy way. He then apologized to Steve and finally ate the tea-soaked biscuit before correcting his monocle. The group stared with their mouths hanging open at it. Feng wiped away a tear from the corner of his eye.

"That… was horrible…!" he whispered. Asuka looked stunned. King made weak, almost sad little purr-like noises. Baek suddenly covered his mouth with a disgusted noise, looking around. Marduk pointed at the wall.

"Over there, in the Scotsmen's bucket."

"Ah, it's what it's there for, laddie!" a Scotsman who was just walking by exclaimed happily. Baek ran over there. While he managed his horrible business, Marduk turned back to the rest of the group.

"So we are all agreed then? Bryan must be re-Americanized!"

"Yeah!"

"Rawr!"

"Good. Does…"

They were interrupted by a feminine hand being slammed down on the table. They looked up at Julia, who was glaring angrily at King. Beside her stood Ling with a bandage wired around her stomach, looking very, very weak.

"Did you scratch Ling?" Julia hissed at him. King put his hands on his chest.

"Rawr?" he asked. "Rawr!"

He showed her his hands. His nails had been chewed down to practically nothing.

"Rawr! Rawr-rawr? Raaaawr!"

Marduk began massagin his temple. Intensively.

"So you really didn't do it?"

"Rawr."

Julia glanced at Asuka.

"He really didn't. He's been here almost all night."

"Rawr."

Julia crossed her arms over her chest.

"Alright… sorry."

She took Ling's arm and led her away. King looked after them.

"Rawr!" he called. Marduk rolled his eyes and groaned.

"Argh, I can't take it anymore!" he growled. "Just take the damn mask off!"

"Rawr!"

"Goddammit, just knock it off, King!"

King glared at him for a while before he reached to the back of his head and flipped a little lever. The group heard a funny little click.

"You knock it off, Craig." King muttered, crossing his arms. "You big, stinking…"

The rest of the insult became slurring, catlike noises as Asuka played around with the small lever at the back of the mask. He had a thick, Mexican accent. Marduk nodded, finally happy. Baek returned, looking a little pale. He sat down again and turned to Marduk.

"So how are we going to do it?"

Marduk looked up at the roof, a strangely heroic look on his face. He raised a hand with the index-finger sticking up.

"Scotsman!" he called. A Scotsman appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

"Aye, sir?" he asked.

"Kidnapping-sack!"

"Aye, sir!"

He soon got the sack and raised it in the air.

"We are going to re-Americanize Bryan with this tool of… well, kidnapping."

The group applauded politely before getting up from their chairs, all turning towards Bryan. They advanced upon him with stern looks on their faces. As they approached, Steve noticed them and turned towards them with his trademark sickening grin.

"Why…"

"Shut up, brit-boy!" King interrupted him and pushed him to the side. Before Bryan could say anything, Marduk put the bag over his head, lifted him up and carelessly hung him over his shoulder. He then pointed forward.

"RUN!" he shouted. The re-Americanizing group ran off, all humming the Mission Impossible theme. Steve remained there, looking after them.

"Apologize for pushing me!" he called after them.

No one replied.

- - -

**A/N**: I might have to do more explaining here. In our first partying-fic, we made Paul a crazy rapist for fun's sake. He sort of still is, just not as much. Gigglies. Also, you will from now on be forced to read the word "re-Americanizers" quite often. Hur-hur-hur...


	11. Aces high?

**A/N**: I'm getting quite a lot of reviews now, which makes me feel somewhat more appreciated. Thanks peoples! I dedicate some coffee to your honour.

- - -

Ganryu looked out over the crowd, looking extremely bored. He sighed and shifted his weight from foot to foot, wishing he could go lay down somewhere. He noticed a bleeding clown coming towards him.

"Bruce?" he asked. "What the hell has happened to you?"

Bruce gave him a very, very weary look.

"Jun is what happened." He replied, rubbing a bump on his head. Ganryu nodded slightly before he frowned.

"Just why are you so depressed, anyway?"

"It's a long, boring story that I don't have the energy to tell right now." Bruce replied. "Sorry."

"Ah, don't be. I didn't really care."

"Oh."

There was a short, uncomfortable silence. Bruce's face suddenly lit up. He showed Ganryu a bloody broke-off bottleneck with a disturbing smile.

"Hey, Ganryu. What if I just put this on the floor, and we don't notice it, and then you could just trip and fall over me so I land on it?" he offered with an optimistic grin. Ganryu stared at him, confused, before he finally seemed to realize something.

"Oh. Oh, geez…" he said, looking a bit embarrassed. "Listen, Bruce, I'm flattered and everything, but I don't swing that way, okay? Sorry."

Bruce's grin remained on his face for a short moment while the horrid happiness faded from his eyes. His entire body suddenly slumped down as he moaned in a disappointed way. Ganryu stretched an arm out and patted his shoulder.

"You could always try Hwoarang!"

They both looked around, waiting for him to come by and protest. He didn't.

- - -

Kazuya walked around Lee's boat, just checking out his surroundings. He walked past a corridor, glanced down it, gasped and leapt back behind the wall. He breathed quickly, staring at the wall in front of him.

"Jun!" he hissed to himself. "Not her! Last time she caught me I wound up with Wimp in there."

He looked around the corner again, making sure she couldn't see him. He then returned to his semi-safe hiding place.

"But she does have a sweet ass, even though she's been dead for 20 years…" he mumbled, considering the options. "The trouble is that she's more damn fertile than a rabbit! Stupid genes…"

He could hear her approaching. He looked around himself frantically. He spotted a very heavy-looking door a bit away. It had a card-reader with numeric buttons on the side and a sign that said 'Machine Room' on it. Jun's steps came even closer. He made his decision, leapt towards the door and closed it behind him. He then leant against it and sighed in relief.

It suddenly clicked evilly.

His eyes flew open as he gasped in horror. He turned around and tried the handle. It was tightly shut and locked. He tried throwing himself against it, but to no avail. He leant against it again and sunk down to the floor, where he sat sadly.

"Stupid technology." He muttered.

- - -

The re-Americanizing group stopped on deck, Baek and Asuka the only ones who breathed quickly. They looked around.

"Okay…" Asuka panted. "Now… what?"

"Okay, let's see… Do you see anything American out here?" Marduk asked.

The group looked around. King gave up and shrugged.

"The sea?" Asuka suggested.

"Star signs? Americans likes stars, don't they?" Baek guessed.

"Um… Bryan!" Feng said, not seeing anything better. Bryan struggled on Marduk's shoulder. He jumped a little on the spot which caused Bryan to make uncomfortable noises and Asuka to giggle quietly at the sight. Marduk frowned, humming while thinking about what to use to re-Americanize Bryan.

"Does anyone here know hypnotism?" he asked, not really knowing what else to do. The members of the group looked at each other.

"Okay, okay… Does anyone happen to see a bald eagle anywhere?"

There was absolute silence, except from the muffled noises from Bryan.

"No one? Okay, that's okay, they're endangered, after all. Any elephants?"

"Elephants?"

"Yeah, I thought… you know, the republican party… ah, never mind."

There was a long silence again. King suddenly seemed to notice something.

"What about a harpoon?"

Marduk frowned.

"Harpoon? How could we re-Americanize Bryan with that?"

"I just thought that they had a lot of guns in the US."

The group members stared at each other before they all stared at the harpoon a little bit away. They were quiet for a while.

"Yeah… all it takes is firepower!" Marduk exclaimed happily.

"Brilliant!"

"Great idea, King!"

"Can anyone fire a harpoon?"

"Idiot! We can't just shoot thin air, we have to kill something!"

"Oh…"

They were all quiet for a while.

"Does anyone know where the captain came from again?"

They were quiet for a while.

"Wasn't he Norwegian?" Feng asked. The group members stared at each other and grinned evilly.

"We're going to need a whale." Marduk purred.

- - -

Steve wandered aimlessly through the corridors of Ship, looking around. He had abandoned his cup of tea ages ago. He looked sadly on the numerous doors, listening for signs of life. He sighed, looking down at the floor, before he heard laughter from far away. He brightened up and hurried towards it, soon meeting Anna and Nina stumbling through the corridor. They were both laughing wildly, looking quite drunk. Steve knew there was something strange about it, but couldn't put his finger on what it was.

"Hello mom. Auntie." He greeted them. "How are you?"

They glanced at each other and broke out into hysterical laughter again.

"Can the British stuff, honey, it's a party!" Anna advised him and sounded more Irish than ever. She giggled.

"Shut up, Anna." Nina said with a chuckle. "We're just fine, Stevie! We just met a man!"

Steve grimaced at the nickname before he realized what she had said.

"You met a man? Who? Was it Paul again?" he asked before he realized something. "Mom, why are you wearing someone else's pants?"

"Because she paid for 'em, that's why." Anna replied for Nina. Nina tried to focus her eyes on Steve with a frown.

"Darling, for the last time, Paul isn't your dad."

Steve looked closer on the pants.

"Wait… isn't that Lei's?"

"He just might be your new DAD!" Nina shrieked. Anna shrieked the very same thing, but replaced the 'dad' with 'uncle'. Then she stole Steve's top hat and put it on her own head as the sisters continued their drunken travel down the hall. Steve looked after them, noticing that they had been handcuffed together. He grinned to himself.

"That might be interesting." He said to himself and continued the other way. He soon came to an open door. He peeked inside and was greeted by roaring cheering and a strange smell of burning pain. The Scotsmen around the table grinned at him.

"Well, 'ello laddie! Whatcha want?" one of them said after a while. He stepped inside, looking at the Scotsmen around the table, wondering for a short while what Wang was doing there. He accepted a glass of the amber liquid, still smelling like burning pain.

"Well…" he began, swirling the drink around in the glass. "You see, I tried to make a gentleman out of one of those psychotic, killer cyborgs and I think I did a pretty good job but everyone else just seemed not to like it but he agreed to it himself to get laid, which by the way didn't work, but now some of the guys has kidnapped him and I can't get any more tea and my mother might marry a Chinese guy, which sucks, but anyway, I haven't got anything special to do, so I was just wondering what you guys were doing and if I could join in?"

He took a deep breath. The Scotsmen stared at him. Steve noticed that Wang was asleep and, strangely enough, bleeding. He dug his hand down into his pocket.

"I brought a deck of cards." He said quietly. The Scotsmen looked at each other and cheered loudly again.

"Aye, come sit down laddie!" the Scotsman who first had spoken exclaimed and pushed Wang away from the chair. Wang collapsed to the floor with a grunt. The Scotsman looked down on him and shook his head slowly.

"Poor ol' Chinese lad. Couldn't handle a drink."

"Or a beating!" the Scotsman next to him added happily. The first Scotsman glared at him and elbowed his side.

"Sssshut up!"

He then turned his attention back to Steve and pulled out Wang's chair.

"Come sit down, laddie! Oh, seems to be a little blood here…" he mumbled, took out a napkin from his pocket and wiped the seat. He then grimaced. "Aah, that only made it worse. Darn. Oh well, come 'ave a seat!"

Steve sat down with a smile. He began mixing the cards.

"Aces high?" he asked.

- - -

King soon returned, panting. Marduk looked around, trying to find something, before he turned to King again.

"So?" he asked. King took a deep breath.

"I couldn't… find… a whale." He panted.

"Understandable. Did you find something similar?"

"Sorry… Ganryu had… hurt his… back."

"Okay, anything else?"

King looked over Marduk's head. Something came crashing down. Marduk spun around and found himself staring into a pair of blood red eyes. They flashed and there was a beeping sound.

"MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!" Jack-5 exclaimed loudly. Asuka grimaced.

"We need to touch up that voice a bit." She said, walked around to his back and carelessly tore off the piece of sheet metal taped to the back of his head. She grinned and handed it to Feng.

"I wish all men had one of these." She said with a glance towards Baek. She then checked the buttons.

"Oh! Oh! Sylvester Stallone!" she squealed happily and pressed the button. There came a whirring sound from Jack before his eyes flashed again. He beeped.

"Mission accomplished." He jarred. She sighed admiringly. No one said anything for a very long while. Feng coughed slightly. All of a sudden, Bryan sneezed. He made some humming noises before he gasped, still inside the sack.

"Oh God! It's going to touch my FACE!" he cried out in horror. Baek chuckled to himself. Marduk shook his head slowly.

"Jack-5." He said, wagging his finger before his face. "Your next mission is to re-Americanize Bryan, understood?"

Flash. Beep!

"Positive."

"Could you _please_ stop saying re-Americanize?" King sighed. Marduk ignored him.

"And to do that, you're going to have to act like a whale. Understood?"

Flash. Beep!

"Invalid command!"

Marduk rolled his eyes.

"This thing is an abomination to nature, isn't it?"

Baek crossed his arms.

"Oh, and Bryan isn't?"

"Not to mention Mister Bestiality here." Feng added, pointing to King. King snarled angrily and slapped the back of his head. Feng glared at him and clenched his fists with an angry hiss.

"Why does everyone do that! I'm not a damn little BOY!"

The group laughed shortly as Feng wiped away the angry, angry tears. Marduk turned back to Jack.

"Can you swim?"

Flash. Beep!

"Positive."

"Good! Take a swim! King, go get the captain. And hurry!"

King hurried away to get the captain. Jack remained on deck. Marduk gave him a puzzled look.

"Take a swim, Jack-5." He said. Jack did nothing. Marduk sighed and rolled his eyes. "Unit go in sea. Go for a dive. Get into the ocean. SIMON SAYS go swim!"

"I know what to do." Baek said, took Jack's big hand and led him to the railing. He motioned to Marduk.

"Now get on your knees behind him."

Marduk grimaced.

"I kneel to no one but the almighty."

"Just get down."

Marduk sighed, put Bryan down on the floor (under Feng's constant supervision) and knelt down behind Jack. He looked over his shoulder at Baek, who motioned to him.

"All four."

Marduk looked embarrassed as he got down.

"Now what?"

Baek grinned evilly.

"It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again!" he said with a loud laugh. Feng and Asuka glanced at each other.

"I don't get it." She admitted. Baek rolled his eyes.

"You've never heard it? It's a classic. What an outrage."

No one said anything for a long while.

"Oh god! It touched my face!" Bryan whined, which made Baek happy again.

- - -

Steve looked down on his hand, every now and then eyeing the rest of the players around the table. He moistened his dry, painfully whiskey-soaked lips and cleared his throat. He then looked around, checking to see if it was his turn. He looked at all the hands on the table and finally put down his own cards.

"Four aces." He stated proudly and grinned evilly. The Scotsmen turned to the last one in the order. The last Scotsman grinned even more evilly at Steve and put his cards down.

"Five aces." He purred and stretched out to collect his winnings. The Scotsmen and Steve gave a loud, simultaneous groan of disappointment.

"Oh, buttfuck." Steve added, still sounding very British, and thought about what else to bet.


	12. Napalm!

**A/N**: Alrighties, quite short update this time. Next chapter however will be a lot longer and will also be childish as hell.

Because we're like that.

Thanks goes to Judin for giving me Norwegian curses for me to abuse. Thanks again!

- - -

Asuka looked at her watch for the fourth time and sighed deeply.

"Where the heck is King? It feels like we've been waiting for _ever_!"

The remainder of the re-Americanizing group sighed in unison. Bryan squirmed helplessly on the deck, not trying to escape because it wasn't polite. Jack still remained on his spot. The cool night-wind blew softly.

"I'm cold. I want to go inside." Asuka complained again. Baek rolled his eyes at her.

"Be quiet, Kazama. King will be back any minute, trust me."

No one said anything in response. Finally even Feng gave up.

"There must be some other weapons!" he groaned. "Like… a kitchen knife or… Raven!"

The group looked at each other, considering it.

"Well… Raven could work, right?" Feng asked again, hesitantly.

"No." Marduk settled it.

"Okay. Could we strangle some random by-passer?"

"That's not an all too bad idea, actually…" Marshall mumbled.

They stood silently just a while longer, enjoying the peace and the breeze. They soon heard steps. Baek grinned evilly.

"I sense a random by-passer approaching." He purred.

Around the corner came Hwoarang, chewing on a carrot. He stopped when he noticed the re-Americanizers looking at him in an unsettling, unusually interested way. He took another bite of the carrot and chewed it slowly. Feng glanced at Baek hopefully. Baek looked back, considered it for a moment and shook his head. Feng's hopeful look faded away and he looked down on deck with a disappointed 'aw'. Hwoarang looked at the crowd, including Bryan on deck.

"Um… what's going on here?"

"We're setting things straight." Marduk said proudly. Hwoarang's look darkened.

"I'm not gay, alright!" he snarled at him. Marduk shrugged.

"Whatever, from what I've heard you're going to burn anyway."

"What?"

"Never mind."

"Hwoarang…" Baek began, stroking his chin with a thoughtful look. "You don't happen to have a weapon with you, like a knife or a gun?"

Hwoarang checked his available spaces for weapons and shook his head.

"Nothing?"

"Nope, sorry."

"What about napalm?" Asuka asked before breaking out into an extremely feminine giggling fit, one that Feng soon joined into. The rest of the group settled for good old-fashioned masculine chuckling. Hwoarang gave a frustrated sigh and glared at them.

"You want napalm? Huh! Then I'll give you napalm! TOUCH MY HAIR!" he roared and began making very strange wiggling movements with his head against them. He stumbled forward while doing so. Baek gave him a very nonchalant look before he simply raised his hand and smacked the back of Hwoarang's head, hard.

"Knock it off." He told him. The re-Americanizers stared at Hwoarang a while longer, before they heard the sounds of running steps. King came around the corner.

"He's coming! Push him, push him!" he panted. Marduk turned towards Jack and once again raised his finger against his face.

"Unit!" he barked, making Jack immediately snap up. "Go swimming!"

Flash. Beep!

"INVALI…"

He never managed to finish the sentence, as Baek had just stepped forward and given him a hard push over the railing. He made a discouragingly large splash. The re-Americanizers and Hwoarang looked over the railing down at the place he had sunk. They looked for a long while.

"I don't think he's coming back up." Marshall finally stated. The captain rounded the corner.

"Alright." He sighed deeply. "What's all this about a whale?"

The group turned towards him with nervous grins on their faces.

"Um, maybe we were mistaken…" Marduk began explaining as Feng leant towards Baek.

"Can you get sent to jail for killing a robot?" he whispered. Baek leant closer towards him, too.

"I hope not, for your sake. They'd pass you around like currency."

"Trust me, they would." Hwoarang added, whispering as well.

"Pah! They could try!"

"You'd like that, huh?"

"Shut up!" Asuka hissed at them.

"…but if we see one…" Marduk continued. The captain nodded, uninterested, before something behind Marduk finally did catch his interest. He walked to the railing, pushing them aside, and leant out.

"Is that a…?" he said to himself, squinting to make something out. The re-Americanizers (and Hwoarang) turned around to check. They saw something blinking far out there.

"Is it a whale?" Marduk asked loudly with an amazingly fake, happy voice. The captain gasped.

"It is! It is!" he squealed and ran up to the harpoon. He aimed it out while giggling insanely to himself.

"En hval! En hval!" he chanted happily in Norwegian and aimed towards the blinking spot out there. Marduk raised Bryan to his feet and tore the bag off his head. He then pointed out towards it.

"Look at that, mister Politeness, and then don't you forget it!"

Bryan squinted, trying to make it out.

"Is that a fishing boat?" he asked. No one replied. The Norwegian captain cheered and fired the harpoon, sending the mighty weapon of re-Americanizing out towards its goal. It zoomed through the air and disappeared into nothing. There was a short, awkward silence before the captain suddenly broke out into hysterical, angry Norwegian cursing.

"Faen! Faen, faen, faen, faen! Faen i helvetes jvel! Jvla faen!" were some of the words the onlookers could make out among the spitting and hissing. Bryan looked a bit confused. He glanced at Marduk.

"Excuse me, I don't…"

Marduk hushed him.

"Just wait and see." He said quietly, glad that he didn't understand a word the captain was saying. Bryan looked up at the captain again and frowned slightly.

"Wait a minute, did he just say something about me?" he snarled. Marduk hushed him again. The captain quickly loaded another harpoon, aimed it out towards it goal and shot again. It hit something out there, making sparks fly up. The captain didn't care about the sparks, instead pulling it in, giggling hysterically. The re-Americanizers gave Bryan hopeful looks. Bryan stared out to sea with his mouth hanging open, tears welling up in his eyes. He then raised his hand to his face, wiping away one of the tears before staring at it.

"My… eyes seem to be leaking…" he whispered and grabbed his hair. "How could I have been so STUPID?"

He ran up to the captain and hugged the harpoon with weird, purring noises, rubbing his face against it for a while. His head then jerked up as he realized something.

"Steve wouldn't even let me bring a gun!" he snarled. The captain ignored him completely. Marduk crossed his arms and nodded happily.

"Mission accomplished." He said. The rest of the re-Americanizers gave each other high fives and random hugs. Hwoarang shrugged, puzzled.

"What the hell was that about?"

"We had to…" King began, but was interrupted by Bryan leaping down on the deck in front of them. He was breathing quickly and looking around in a worried fashion.

"I need a gun." He said. Marduk nodded slowly with a rapidly growing smile. Hwoarang stared at Bryan.

"Why do you need a gun so badly? Why would _anyone_ need a gun that badly?"

Bryan shook his head.

"I don't have time for this! I need a weapon!" he muttered and jogged away, looking around for something suitable as a weapon. The ex-re-Americanizing group walked back inside, chatting casually amongst each other. Asuka sighed happily.

"I'm so glad we made three people out there so happy." She said. "Not to mention killed a robot!"

King gave her a worried glance.

"You're beginning to sound a lot like Ling, you know."

Asuka stopped, turned towards him and put her hands in her sides.

"Well, soooorry!" she said sarcastically.

"Aaaaaah, you tricky _lady_!" a very familiar voice called a bit down the hall. The ex-re-Americanizing group stared in utter chock at the sight in front of them. Asuka slowly turned around, almost afraid of what she would see. She saw Lei, so very horridly naked, with the exception of a lot of money tied around his throat with his tie. He looked very doped up and came stumbling towards them, grinning insanely at whatever it was he actually saw. Lei continued his unsteady journey towards them, still staring at Asuka.

"I see you tried to _confuuuuuuuse_ your enemy by using the DRUNKEN PLATYPUS STANCE!" he rambled, backing up almost every word with strangely matching kung-fu-like movements. The entire group stared. Asuka glanced at Hwoarang and elbowed his side.  
"Not gay." She whispered. He shook his head quickly and slapped the side of his face.

"Right. Not gay, not gay, not gay…" he chanted quietly to himself with his eyes shut tightly. Lei continued towards them after standing in the 'drunken platypus stance' for a while.

"I see you just want to dodge and avoid and, um… _dodge_ your enemy before you hit them with a BAT!"

Immediately after the last words, he threw up his arms to make them look like wings and made funny, screeching noises while jumping towards them. Asuka backed away.

"Umm…" she hummed, looking around for an escape route. She gasped and pointed at something behind Lei.

"Look over there!" she called. Lei immediately turned back.

"Wha?"

Asuka quickly span around and sprinted down the hall, screaming slightly after a while. Lei turned around again, looking after the quickly fleeing girl. He clenched his fists and stomped the floor.

"Curses! The tricky lady tricked me! I must be cleverererer…" he said, slowly backing away with his arms stretched out in front of himself. "…like a _viper_!" he finally hissed before he leapt into an adjacent corridor. Unfortunately for him, it was one that Jun was currently in. She stared at him while he slowly got up on his feet. The ex-re-Americanizing group looked around the corner. Lei finally noticed Jun standing there, grinned and took a few steps against her. She gasped, took a very short and feminine step forward and downed him with one quick, painful kick. He collapsed to the floor and only managed to utter one puzzled little sound before passing out. Jun brushed some imaginary brush off her clothes and noticed the ex-re-Americanizing group. She put her hands in her sides.

"He tried to do the Drunken Master so I kicked him in the head!" she explained. King leant down next to Lei, examining his head, while Marduk stared openly at Jun.

"I don't think he did the Drunken Master, I think he was actually drunk."

"Or something." Feng added. King poked Lei's head.

"I don't think that's supposed to bleed, you know." He stated. The ex-re-Americanizing group took a closer look at him.

"Eeeeew…"

"Jun, how could you do such a thing?" Hwoarang asked, wrinkling his nose in disgust. Jun glared at him.

"What's the matter, you going FAGGOT!" she spat at him. Hwoarang gave her a surprised stare before he suddenly grinned and threw his hands up in a questioning shrug.

"Why the hell not, it's Christmas!" he exclaimed happily, quickly put his arms around Feng's neck and gave him a nice, hard kiss on the lips before he skipped away. Feng stared right in front of himself, chocked beyond words. Baek suddenly broke out into sadistic laughter.

"What's the matter, can't you handle a little _luvin_'?" he asked him and held his sides, laughing hysterically. Marduk glanced at Asuka.

"I thought Hwoarang came from a country where they don't celebrate Christmas."

"It doesn't matter, does it?" she asked.

"I guess not."

Feng blinked a few times before he finally wiped his mouth, spitting over his shoulder. He coughed slightly and glared at the group. And Jun.

"No one will ever know." He threatened darkly. Jun rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. I better go find Julia before she kills someone."

The people went their separate ways. Feng was the only one grumbling.


	13. The Machine Room

**Whee:** Like I said, this chapter is REALLY childish. Really, really, really childish. Be forewarned.

Reviews too, eh?

- - -

Bryan had abandoned the top hat, monocle, cane and tuxedo, only wearing the pants and the spiffy white shirt. He wiped some sweat from his brow before he leant down, took a better grip of the long metal pipe and once again attempted to pull it loose. He gritted his teeth and tried even harder, making a victorious cry as it finally came out. He gave it a critical glance and decided it would have to do. Lacking a better solution he fastened it in the belt and turned around to get back to the dining room and beat someone up, preferably Steve.

Then the floor disappeared.

- - -

Kazuya's head jerked up as he heard a noise from far back in the room, followed by a short coughing fit and curses. He got up and stretched, preparing himself for whatever may come. He sighed and rolled his eyes when he realized who it was coming towards him.

"Well, well, well…" he said, crossing his arms. "If it isn't Mr. Politeness."

Bryan glared darkly at him.

"Shut the hell up." He snarled. Kazuya gave him a quick, surprised look before he laughed.

"So you've canned the British stuff? Well, good riddance."

Bryan nodded towards the door.

"Open it." He ordered. Kazuya shrugged.

"Trust me, I've tried everything but the bastard just won't budge."

"Hmph. We'll see about that…" Bryan muttered and threw himself at it, expecting a door that would give way easily. He was very surprised when he noticed it didn't. He got back up on his feet and rubbed his arm with an extremely displeased look on his face.

"Okay… well built, this Ship."

"Isn't it?"

"Why, yes." Bryan replied with a grin. He then slapped his own face, extremely hard. "No more British shit!" he told himself sternly while rubbing his cheek.

Kazuya motioned towards the door.

"So how are we going to open this thing?" he asked.

- - -

Hwoarang walked around aimlessly, unable to find something interesting to do. He leapt back with a surprised yelp as he suddenly heard a loud bang from a nearby door, followed by muffled voices. He cautiously put his ear against it, making out the voices almost clearly.

"…British shit!"

"So how are we going to open this thing?"

- - -

"I don't really know…" Bryan mumbled, stroking his chin with a thoughtful look on his face. "How tightly shut it is, anyway?"

"I haven't been able to open it all night. I suppose that going to give us problems."

Bryan tried the handle, just to be sure. He then leant closer, looking at the crack between the door and the wall.

"Maybe we can find something to lubricate it with?" he asked.

- - -

"Oh my god!" Hwoarang whispered, grinning widely. He noticed someone walking a bit away and tried to make out who it was.

"Forest!" he hissed, motioning to him to come closer. "Get over here, you're going to LOVE this!"

Forest gave him a surprised look before he, too, put his ear against the door.

- - -

Kazuya rolled his eyes.

"I doubt we'll find anything like that in here, Fury."

"Alright… do we have anything to put in that hole here?"

"I don't think there's anything that thin that's still strong enough, and…" he paused, looking at the metal pipe in Bryan's belt. He pointed at it.

"…I can see you have something hard in your pants."

"Oh, this thing?" Bryan asked, taking a grip of the pipe. "Just something I found a while back. I thought it was going to work, so I stole it."

Kazuya grimaced.

"Look at the size of it! I bet it could kill a guy!"

"Yeah, I think it has. Look, there's actually a splotch of blood here."

He pointed at it. Kazuya looked.

"Don't you ever clean that?"

"I just got this thing, give me a break."

"Okay, okay… let's get it out of there." Kazuya said, attempting to pull it out. Bryan stopped him.

"Hey, hey, be careful with that! It might rip my pants!"

"Fine…" Kazuya said, letting it go. "It's too big for that hole anyway. Let's find something smaller to use in there."

- - -

Hwoarang and Forest stared in surprise at each other.

"Are they doing what I think they're doing?" Forest whispered.

"I think so."

They looked to the side, where Jin was walking by. They motioned to him to come closer. He hesitated slightly.

"Oh come on Jin, you're not going to believe this!"

Jin shrugged, walked over there and put his ear against the door, ready for almost anything.

- - -

"Here we go, a toolbox!" Bryan exclaimed happily and carried it out to the door. He opened it and rummaged through it.

"How about a hammer?"

"I doubt that'll work, it's not meant for it."

Bryan kept looking, digging through the various tools.

"Aha! A screwdriver!"

"Yeah, it could work. Okay, just shove it in there."

"In here?"

"Yeah, in that very hole there."

"Alright…"

Bryan carefully pushed the screwdriver into a hole in the crack between the door and the wall. He jerked it around, hoping to hear some positive sound. Kazuya put is ear against the door, listening for something pointing towards it opening.

"Do you feel anything?" Bryan asked.

"No, keep doing that, I think it will work eventually."

Bryan pulled the screwdriver out and peeked into the hole, trying to see something.

"Is that rust…?" he asked in disbelief. "I thought this was supposed to be high-tech!"

"Stop complaining and get the screwdriver back in there."

They continued working the door together. Bryan finally stopped with a frustrated sigh.

"Harder?" he asked. Kazuya shrugged.

"Yeah, maybe."

He jerked it around violently before pulling it out again and throwing it carelessly over his shoulder.

"I think the hole might be big enough for my own tool now." He stated almost proudly, pulling the metal pipe from his belt. He carefully fitted it into the hole in the crack and turned to Kazuya.

"Okay, I work this thing and you just push."

Kazuya nodded and began to throw himself against the door while Bryan tried to bend it open, using the pipe. Kazuya grunted loudly every time he hit the door. Suddenly the iron pipe broke with a loud, metallic sound, causing Bryan to fall to the floor. He stared at the broken off piece in his hand in surprise.

"It broke!" he gasped.

"You broke it! Where is the other half, is it stuck in there?"

"I don't think so." Bryan said, pulling the other half out of the door. "Nope, I got it. Now I have to get a new tool."

"I don't think that worked anyway."

"Oh, so that didn't work for you, huh? What do you suggest we do then?"

"Well…"

- - -

Hwoarang and Forest backed away from the door, covering their mouths to keep themselves from giggling wildly. Jin remained by the door, looking chocked beyond mortal understanding. He finally blinked, closed his mouth and shuddered in disgust. With feeling. An extremely so.

"Hey Jin?" Hwoarang laughed. "Wasn't that your dad in there?"

Jin shuddered. With feeling!

"Yes…" he managed to say. A Scotsman, carrying another tool box, elbowed his way past Hwoarang and Forest. Forest glanced at him.

"Oh, hi Seamus. How's Fergus?"

"Aye, Fergus be just fine there, laddie…" the Scotsman replied while pulling a card through the card reader. "'e'll be better once he spits all that bleach out, though."

Forest frowned slightly.

"Why would someone put bleach in a Jacuzzi?"

Seamus sighed slightly and turned towards Forest.

"Well, let me tell ya like this, laddie… how did you think that Chaolan dyed his hair?"

The three men gave each other surprised glances and shuddered violently.

"Does he get in there naked?" Hwoarang asked. Seamus closed his eyes with an uncomfortable grunt.

"Some thing I donnae wanna know, laddie." He said darkly. He hit the code and opened the door, gasping in surprise as to what was within. Kazuya, holding Bryan's neck and the waistband of his pants, holding him partially lifted. Kazuya and Bryan stared in surprise at the audience.

"_Dad_!" Jin hissed, pulling his hair with a completely devastated look on his face. Kazuya dropped Bryan without a second thought and lifted his hands to fend off any attacks.

"Hey, I was just trying to bang him against the door!" he explained.

"And he means that in the least homosexual way possible!" Bryan added. Hwoarang and Forest finally broke out into hysterical laughter. The Scotsman just shook his head slowly and forced his way past them into the machine room. Jin suddenly sobbed and shook his head slowly.

"I never imagined this about you, dad! You, of all people!"

Kazuya frowned.

"What? You cared about me?"

"I might freaking hate you, but now I've lost all my respect for you, too!"

Hwoarang and Forest leaned against each other, still laughing wildly. Jin crossed his arms and turned away, his eyes falling at Asuka.

"Oh no…" he whispered. Asuka looked at the small crowd and giggled.

"Bryan and Kazuya," she began to sing. "Alone in a room! F-U-C-…"

"STOP! Just stop!" Jin interrupted her, rubbing his temples. More people came out from seemingly nowhere, all beginning to discuss the events with a certain amount of glee. Steve appeared and looked over Marshall's shoulder. He gasped.

"So Bryan really is gay? I had a sneaking suspicion…"

Marshall looked over his shoulder at him.

"I thought you did this!"

"Me? Oh, no, no, a hundred kinds of no! That one hundred percent Bryan, okay!"

He was suddenly raised high into the air. He was flipped upside down by Marduk, glaring angrily at him.

"Look what you have done!" he roared, turning him against Bryan and Kazuya, still in the doorway to the machine room. "You have with your sissy British ways turned Bryan into a no good _fruit_, who is now going to burn for his homosexual sins!"

"What about the hundreds of people he has brutally slaughtered?" Raven asked, one eyebrow arched.

"Well, of course he's… hey, where did he go?"

Steve shrugged. It looked weird when he was upside down. Bruce joined the crowd, smiling sadly.

"Hey guys, what's going…" he began, but noticed the 'couple' in the doorway. He stared at them, then at the smiling faces, and the situation played itself out in his head. His left eyelid suddenly twitched. He patted Julia's shoulder.

"Got any pepper-spray?" he asked. She nodded, dug into her pocket and gave him a bottle of it.

"Thank you." He whispered and accepted it. He then forced his eyes wide open and gave them both a good spray. He blinked slightly a while afterwards.

"Much better." He purred, put his hands over his eyes and cried out in extreme pain. He ran away, clawing at his face, of course smearing his make-up in the process. Baek came strolling by, stopped and looked over the crowd. He looked at Bryan and Kazuya, then at Hwoarang and Forest, back to the fist two again, Hwoarang and finally glanced slightly at Feng. He smirked, licked the tip of his finger and raised it into the air with a thoughtful humming.

"Wow…" he said, grinning evilly. "You can actually FEEL the gayness in the air here!"

"Listen, everyone!" Kazuya called, bringing everyone's attention to him. "I am not gay! I'm straight as an arrow! I don't know about Fury here and I don't care either!"

"Ditto!" Bryan added.

"The point is, we did _not_ have sex in this room! I was hiding from someone and he fell through the roof! We then tried to get out! That's it! Whatever my son might say is a lie! A lie, damn it!"

He breathed quickly after his outburst. Jun managed to get a good look at the situation from the back. She scoffed at it.

"It's not a very big surprise…" she muttered, crossing her arms.

"NOOOOOO!" someone screamed out a bit away. Everyone looked at that direction. Paul stood there, pulling his hair (which actually looked very interesting) in devastation.

"It can't be true!" he whined, sobbing in between some words. "I missed the all male orgy!"

"For god's sake, we did NOT have sex!" Bryan roared. "I'm not gay!"

"Neither am I, I have proof!" Kazuya added and pointed at Jin, who refused to look. Baek seemed to realize something.

"Has someone told Heihachi about this?" Baek asked loudly. No one replied. The evil grin returned to his face. "No one? Good…"

He then strolled off, slowly, still grinning. Kazuya realized what was going on too late.

"Baek, NO!" he called, trying to stop him.

"HEY!" Baek shouted. "HEY, HEIHACHI! YOUR SON'S GAY!"

Heihachi turned his head against him with a gasp.

"What? _Lee_!" he asked, looking at his adopted son, who had fallen asleep on the table already. Baek rolled his eyes.

"No, I mean your real son."

Heihachi stared blankly in front of himself, not a muscle moving in his face. Baek stepped up to him, looking closer at him.

"Heihachi?" he asked and snapped his fingers in front of his face. Heihachi seemed to wake up again.

"Well, I'm not surprised." He scoffed. "Lee has always been a little, you know…"

"No, I not talking about Lee!" Baek hissed. "I mean your real son, Mishima Kazuya, is gay!"

Heihachi stared blankly at him again before a huge grin broke out on his face. He laughed nervously.

"Oh, you almost got me there. Trying to fool me into thinking my son is a fruit, that's a good one!"

"Heihachi, I'm serious."

The grin died out almost immediately as he stretched up, grabbed Baek's collar and pulled him down close to his face.

"Now you listen to me you little _punk_! My son is not gay! And… furthermore…"

Heihachi let go of Baek again, breathing heavily. He then slowly got up and looked around.

"Where is… the men's room?" he whispered. Baek pointed him in the right direction, watching him run off with a frown. He met Kazuya's eyes over the room. Kazuya glared. Intensively.

"Um, Kazuya…?" Bryan said. "Your, uh… your _eye_ is glowing."

"Hm?" Kazuya mumbled, snapping back to reality. "Oh! Oh, yeah, it does that sometimes. Don't mind it." He explained and slapped the side of his head.

"Is it gone now?"

"Er… yes."

"Ah, good! Problem solved."

Everyone turned around at the sound of breaking glass. What appeared to be a huge pile of seaweed suddenly came crashing in through a window, landing with a wet thump on the floor. After a short, embarrassing moment, a green sword stuck out of it, closely followed by a wildly grinning Yoshimitsu.

"Myyy eyes are funny too!" he cried, stumbling towards the crowd. "And it hurts when you poke them!"

Christie stopped him and quickly shoved a finger into his eye socket.

"No, it… OW!" she cried out and quickly pulled her finger back out. She stared at it and shook her hand.

"Daymn!"

Marduk gasped, ran up to them and grabbed Yoshimitsu's shoulders.

"You must be one of those poltergeists! Have no fear, my dead child! Pass into the light and the Great One shall greet you there!" he called out, shaking Yoshimitsu as he did so. Yoshimitsu gave him a confused look, before he grinned again.

"Okay!" he said and giggled. "I'll pass into the light! I really will!"

He then broke free from Marduk's grip and stumbled away, still giggling. Marduk looked after him.

"That's it, child! Embrace the holy light!"

Kazuya and Bryan glanced at each other.

"I don't think anyone believes us." Kazuya stated. Bryan sighed.

"No. I guess I'll have to prove my statement." Bryan said, cleared his throat and called out:

"Is Anna here?"

A hand was raised in the back, chained to another one. Bryan didn't comment this.

"Good! You busy!"

"No!" she called back.

"Great! Meet me by the men's room in two minutes!"

Kazuya patted his shoulder.

"When you're done with her I'm going to need to use her for a while."

"Ah, just give me five minut… ten! Fifteen!"

He paused for a short while. Kazuya didn't say anything.

"Thirty." Bryan finally concluded. Anna forced her way to the front of them, looking at them both. Nina had to follow, she looked strangely flustered.

"Ah, I'll take you both at once!" Anna promised. Bryan and Kazuya stared at her, glanced at each other and shrugged simultaneously.

"Whatever." Bryan said, took her hand and simply tore the handcuff apart, freeing Anna and Nina from each other. Anna then put her arms around Bryan and Kazuya's shoulders, allowing herself to be led away. The crowd dispersed, everyone going to do something better with their time. Feng, for example, got some punch, still humming the Mission Impossible theme to himself. Baek walked up to him.

"I'd be careful with that if I were you, we could get sued."

"What?"

"Never mind. Are you sure you don't want to go with them?"

"Who?"

"Fury, Kazuya and Anna. Maybe you need to prove your heterosexuality by running off with a woman and two men, huh?" he said before walking away giggling. Feng groaned loudly.

"Hey!" he called after him. "It was Hwoarang who kissed ME, okay!"

The people in the room stopped whatever they were doing and stared at him in surprise. He realized he had just said that out loud. In the other end of the room, Paul cursed silently to himself.

"Damn, I missed that thing too!" He snarled. Feng scratched the back of his head and laughed in a very nervous manner.

"Well, you see…" he began, trying to explain the situation to the crowd. "Tha… that was a joke, okay? That never really happened."

There was such pure silence you could have heard a cricket take a dump.

"Oh, screw you all." Feng shouted, gulped the punch down and turned around to get some more. He then walked over to an unused pool table, leaning against it while he tried to fight down the blushing.

"So the redhead gave you a smoochie, huh?" someone giggled behind him. He sighed, turned around and glared darkly at Nina.

"He surprised me! He began rambling about Krisst-muss."

"What, Christmas?"

"Yeah, that's right."

"Oh…kay."

Feng gulped down his punch again and sighed miserably.

"You know…" he began. "All my life everyone around me has always been sure of two things. One, that I can kick their ass, and two, that I'm sure as hell not gay. And now people are just sure of one thing."

He sighed again and sobbed quietly.

"I never should've left the dojo." He moaned. Nina didn't reply, instead she quickly ran around the table and threw her arms around his neck.

"You… are… _perfect_!" she breathed in his ear before leaning back from him, admiring him. "You've got a wonderful physique, you've got self-esteem, that hard-ass attitude and you're not afraid to show your feelings! The only downside is your weird taste in clothing, of course. Now if you're well equipped, you're every woman's dream!"

Feng looked from side to side, pondering the situation.

"Yes…?" he said hesitantly. She stared at his face for a long while, before she grinned almost evilly.

"Marry me, _bitch_!" she hissed at him. He got a strange, apathic look in his eyes as he shrugged.

"Whatever." He replied. She immediately gave him a passionate kiss, pressing herself close to him. He lifted her up on the pool table, ignoring everyone's curious looks as he got up and reclaimed her mouth hungrily. People lost interest and began chatting with each other again, ignoring the moans from the pool table. The janitor, who was in the other side of the room, caught side of them and gasped in horror. He ran over there and stared at them.

"NO! And sweat that is so damn hard to get out!" he growled, walked to the side of the pool table, stuck his hands under Nina's back and simply flipped the couple off the table. They landed with a loud thump on the very hard floor.

"I think I broke something!" Feng whined. After a short silence, Nina sighed deeply. The janitor ignored them and instead began to rip the carpeting off the table. Lee woke up a few tables away and caught sight of him.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" he gasped.

"Saving your property, sir!" the janitor replied and ripped it clean off. "This will get to a dry-cleaner the moment were back on land!"

"Ah." Lee said, letting his head fall down on the table again. He raised it almost immediately afterwards. "Wait a minute, I thought you didn't speak English! Or any Oriental language either, for that matter!"

The janitor looked nervously from side to side.

"I don't." he replied. "You're speaking Spanish."

Lee blinked, puzzled.

"Que?" he asked.


	14. Murderous Devil

**Whee:** We're getting closer to the end now, people. This twitching pile of randomness will most likely end sometime this week. So show me your looove!

- - -

Yoshimitsu stumbled through the halls, suffering a weak headache which had a promising future in the pain area. His eyes weren't as kaleidoscopic as before, even if they still blinked and popped randomly. He sighed loudly to himself.

"…and then I quit high school to try and become a fireman…" he mumbled to himself, for some reason reciting his entire life to himself. His foot hit something. He looked down. He blinked.

"I saw a strange man lying naked on the floor." He said to himself. "I cocked my head to my side and wondered what he was doing there."

He did just so. His right eye popped. He realized who it was there.

"I realized that I was looking at a strangely naked Lei Wulong, with a lot of cash tied around his neck. I took a moment to wonder what in God's name had happened to his shoes."

Lei mumbled something and tried to open his eyes. Yoshimitsu took a step back and looked around.

"I knew that show-off bastard, Raven, could be in every shadow." He hissed to himself. "I spent a short moment to be happy for Lei's sake that Paul Phoenix hadn't found him yet. Then I realized I had no idea if that was what had actually happened."

He paused for a while.

"I decided without reason to poke him with my foot." He said and carried it out, poking Lei's chest with his foot. "Poke."

Lei suddenly grinned.

"Duuuuubliiiiiin…" he moaned and turned to the side. His head suddenly jerked up. "Wha? Wuzzappenin'? Wheredidallthe…?"

Yoshimitsu frowned slightly, looking around again.

"He was obviously a very confused man." He mumbled again. "I of course found the situation more hilarious than anything less of a poet could describe. I asked the poor, naked man what had happened to him."

He then bent down, looking at Lei. Lei looked back up at him. Nothing happened for a long while.

"Well?" Yoshimitsu finally said. Lei raised a hand, waving it carelessly.

"The mayflower…" he slurred, grinning again. "The mayflower with the tingling ears and the rappin' microscopes that travel over their _dreeeeaaaams_!"

He stretched out the last word in a strange, songlike voice before breaking out into giggles. Yoshimitsu nodded slowly and thoughtfully.

"Of course I understood that this man had been mentally assaulted by the dreaded Xit'cthulua! I knew I hadn't much time left to stop them before they took over the world and made every skyscraper their bitch." He rambled. "I knew this man could me my greatest proof of their actual existence."

He bent down, almost effortlessly picked Lei up and hung him over his shoulder. Lei looked around and began rambling away in Chinese. Yoshimitsu walked away, slowly, gazing thoughtfully at the floor.

"I wondered to myself where I could find a room safe enough from the dreaded void-creatures to question this man and, if possible, heal the remainder of his shattered mind."

He walked in silence for a short while.

"Preferably a room with a lockable door." He added. He looked up when he noticed a closet just a bit away. Lei was still talking happily to himself in Chinese. Yoshimitsu looked at the closet for a long, long while. His eyes behaved strangely. He shook his head.

"I decided it might be better to just kill the man and put him out of…" he began, but paused when he noticed Paul walking towards them down the corridor. He hadn't caught sight of them yet. Yoshimitsu gasped in horror.

"I gasped in horror! There came the man that would almost surely make the remainder of the night an absolute hell. I decided to go for…"

He didn't finish the sentence, instead leaping at the door, forcing it open. Lei laughed loudly by the surprising movement.

"Whee!" he squealed as Yoshimitsu dumped him on the floor and locked the door, listening to the sound of steps disappearing down the hall. He sighed in relief.

"I sighed in relief and decided to now go out and instead find a crowded place to put this man, allowing him to blend in with his surroundings. Or, at least get him off my back."

He tried the handle, almost not surprised when he found that it wouldn't work. He sighed deeply.

"I understood the door was locked, most likely impossible to open from inside, as I had by know learned how these things worked. I was also becoming aware of a growing headache and how incredibly stupid it is to talk to oneself. I tried the light switch."

It didn't work. He wasn't surprised.

"Of course, it didn't work. I was standing in the dark closet with a headache and a naked Xit'cthulua victim, who was now clawing on my leg, continuing his sad ramblings in his native tongue. I was seriously pondering whether it would be easier to just kill myself."

There was a short silence. Lei managed to get up from the floor.

"I now realized there was very little room in the closet." Yoshimitsu said to himself. "I felt panic creep up on me as I wondered how long the air supply would last."

"Oooooh, fuzzy…" Lei added without reason. There was an even longer silence. Yoshimitsu cleared his throat.

"It was dark." He stated. Lei looked around. After a while, he hissed a Chinese curse after trying to stick his thumb into Yoshimitsu's still quite kaleidoscopic eyes. Yoshimitsu sighed.

"I suddenly became uncomfortably aware of just how naked this poor man was. Also, I noted he was quite rich. It was very dark…"

There was a long, uncomfortable silence. Lei had stopped his ramblings, instead standing perfectly still in frightened silence.

"I was overwhelmed by an odd lust to paint him grey." Yoshimitsu finally admitted. Lei added a terrified whimper.

- - -

Jin leant against the wall, glaring at all the people around him. He noticed Baek coming towards him and rolled his eyes with an annoyed sigh.

"Well…" Baek began, but was interrupted by an index finger suddenly being shoved in his chest.

"Just stop talking right now!" Jin snarled. "My father is NOT gay! He might be an egocentric, evil, sadistic, ugly asshole, but he sure as hell isn't gay!"

"Yeah." A random by-passer added. Jin and Baek looked after the person, strangely unable to see who it had been. Baek shrugged and turned back towards Jin.

"Alright." He said, raising his hands in front of his face to fend Jin off. "I won't mock you about your father. I promise. I'll just go torment Ganryu instead. Do you have a cookie?"

Jin grimaced.

"Cookies are evil! Don't you know that a cookie every…"

"Gotta go!" Baek said quickly and ran off, desperately trying to avoid a health lecture. Jin looked after him.

"FOOL!" he called, perfectly aware of the fact that Baek wouldn't give a damn. He then leant back against the wall, sighing. Jun and Julia appeared out of nowhere.

"Aw, don't take it so hard, Jin." Jun comforted him, patting his shoulder.

"I think it's better for us all that he finally came out of the closet, anyway." Julia added. Jin groaned in a very agitated way.

"Don't you two get it!" he snarled, towering above them. "His happiness isn't the point! The point is that as long as people think my father is gay, everyone will assume that _I_ am gay too! Which I am not!"

He stormed off, muttering darkly to himself. Jun and Julia stared after him.

"Bye Jin!" Julia called. "Remember that alcohol is bad for you!"

"You're the living proof!" Jun added in a thoughtless moment. Jin stopped instantly and turned around slowly, staring at his mother with a red glint barely visible in his eyes.

"What did you say?" he breathed. Jun glanced nervously from side to side with a sheepish grin.

"Uh… nothing."

"Did you just imply that I am an _accident_!"

Baek rolled his eyes a bit away.

"Well, duh."

"I can't take this anymore!" Jin roared, horns suddenly protruding from the sides of his head. He snarled beastly as tattoos on his chest and face appeared, darkening quickly. He cried out in rage mixed with pain as the huge, black wings shot out from his back. No one noticed a surprised gasp from a doorway. Kazuya stood there, wiping a small tear of happiness from his eye with a sigh.

"My boy is all grown up…!"

Jin let his shining eyes run over the crowd, grinning evilly. He turned towards all the people staring at him in horror and surprise. He took a few steps forward, suddenly spreading his wings.

"JIN MAD!" he cried out and took another step forward. "JIN SMASH!"

Kazuya walked to Jun's side and put an arm around her as he watched his son's outburst of rage with unmasked interest.

"JIN…!"

Devil Jin was cut off by a sudden, hard punch to the mouth, making him take a step back. Julia attacked him with a very feminine battle-cry, letting hard punches rain all over his face and chest. Kazuya's mouth dropped in surprise. Jun shrugged.

"Our son might be a murderous devil when he gets mad, but Julia's a nut job." She stated. Kazuya had to agree. Devil Jin fell to the floor with a groan, not getting back up for a while. He then lifted himself so he leaned on one elbow, wiping blood from his mouth.

"I…!" he began, but was again interrupted, this time by a sudden kick to the crotch. He cried out and clutched it, curling up in a ball, his wings flapping comically. Julia crossed her arms and simply turned around. Jin tried desperately to get back up on his feet.

"No one kicks a demon in the groin and gets away with it…!" he whimpered. He had to take a shaky, deep breath before he could continue. "No one…!"

Everyone heard the sounds off running steps. Baek appeared out of nowhere, grinning more evilly than anyone thought possible, and gave Jin an almost inhumanly hard kick to the groin, just for fun's sake. Jin whimpered again with a now unnaturally shrill voice, curling up to the little ball again. Julia suddenly turned around and spat at him.

"There's what you get for being cursed like that!" she snarled before she completely unexpectedly turned around and kicked Kazuya too, right in the soft spot. He just made a weird, 'oof'-ing sound and dropped to his knees before clutching the sensitive area.

"And there's what YOU get for screwing Jun 20 years ago!" Julia snarled. Jun rolled her eyes behind Kazuya.

"Well, we were wasted, what were we supposed to do?"

Kazuya gave up and collapsed to the floor, breathing shallowly. Jin made a strange smacking sound.

"I taste blood in my mouth…" he whimpered.

- - -

A person walked through the halls, whistling to themselves. They looked around, looking for something to amuse themselves which, but they knew the activities for the night were practically over, most people had already passed out on very random places on Lee's darling Ship. The person stopped and kicked the floor with a deep, bored sigh. They looked around in the vain hope that they might actually find one last thing to do. Anything at all. The person suddenly felt a hand land on their shoulder and turned around, startled.

"It's useless to resist…!" a strangely drunk Raven murmured. The person blinked.

"Please be gentle…!" They whined before Raven simply kidnapped them.

- - -

Marduk stepped over the two suffering men on the floor and approached Julia with a grin. He remembered what was up with her before he reached her and decided to approach with caution. He reached out a hand and carefully patted her shoulder.

"Miss Chang?" he asked carefully. "Julia?"

She turned around slowly with a warm smile.

"Yes?"

"I just wanted to tell you how… admirable it was of you to dispatch those evil demon-men back there."

He pointed with his thumb over his shoulder at Jin and Kazuya, still suffering together. Julia gave them a quick glance and shrugged.

"It's what I do." She said. Marduk gasped in admiration.

"Really!" he asked. "I've been trying to find someone like you for ages! Someone who knows the right path! I… are you Christian?"

She gave him a surprised look.

"Christian? Oh, no no, I believe in mother Nature and the spirits of the wild."

Marduk stared blankly at her before shaking his head slowly.

"Heretic." He said, as if he had just pointed out that it was raining. She glared darkly at him.

"How dare you!" she hissed and gave him a hard slap. He rubbed his cheek and glared back.

"Turn the other cheek, turn the other cheek…" he muttered. They glared at each other quietly for a while.

"Wanna make out?" Julia finally asked. Marduk shrugged.

They carried it out.

- - -

The captain gave his catch an unhappy look.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk…" he smacked. "The whales just keep getting smaller and smaller."

Jack-5 lay twitching on deck, making small robotic noises every now and then. His eyes flashed sadly, somehow.


	15. San Francisco

**A/N:** No, I don't have anything to say this time except of course that it's the second last chapter. Next one will be inhumanly long because it feels wrong to split it up. I also boogie all night long.

'njoy.

- - -

**THE VERY NEXT EARLY AFTERNOON**

Lee opened his eyes. He was in pain. Extreme, utter, horrible pain. And his hand hurt, too. He groaned and put his hands over his eyes as he raised his head from the table. The hilarious little party hat was practically crushed, and his hair was messed up. He tried to get up, but his body didn't function properly yet. He cleared his throat.

"Scotsman…" he groaned quietly. He tried again.

"Scotsman!" he groaned louder, still just a very weak sound. A Scotsman appeared out of nowhere.

"Yessuh?" he asked, unnaturally happily. Lee closed his eyes again.

"Aspirin…" he managed to whisper. The Scotsman disappeared for just a short while and soon returned with a glass of water and some pills. Lee took them thankfully and went back to sleep for ten minutes. He was soon brought back to the painful world of consciousness by Heihachi, collapsing unto the chair beside him.

"Mmmrl?" Lee slurred, looking up. His hilarious little party hat seemed to be in even worse condition than before. Heihachi turned his pale face towards Lee, paused and then grinned.

"Thank god I didn't have any of that punch." He said. Lee grimaced at him.

"Yeah, you're having fun now, aren't you?"

"I would've had a lot more fun if I hadn't been in the bathroom all morning. I got to tell you, don't eat six plates of that stuff Lars serves. It does things to you."

"Mhm." Lee mumbled and struggled his way to his feet. He then sighed and tore the hilarious little party hat off his head.

"I might as well take a walk and make a damage check." He muttered to himself. He walked to the middle of the room, looked down and poked his unconscious 'nephew' with his foot.

"Jin, get up. I might need a shoulder to cry on."

Jin opened his eyes with a groan.

"But I don't want to…" he moaned. Lee sighed deeply and gave him a light kick.

"Just get up."

"Alright, alright…" he sighed and got up, muttering to himself. Lee looked around the dining room. It looked alright, considering the situation. People were sleeping in all sorts of places and positions sometimes defying gravity itself. The band he had hired was long gone. Lee muttered a curse when he noticed the guitarist had run off with his guitar. He made a mental note to sue him as he and Jin walked on. They went down a corridor.

"So how does it compare to yours so far?" Lee asked. Jin shrugged.

"By now I was still happily unaware of everything going on. But I had cheese in my hair, so this is slightly better."

"Ah."

They walked on in uncomfortable silence. Jin cleared his throat.

"Lee, do you know if dad really…" Jin began, but Lee silenced him simply by raising his hand.

"Did you hear that?"

They hurried down the corridor, towards a spot where it sounded like someone was desperately trying to tear a down open. Lee stopped in front of it and unlocked it, causing Lei and Yoshimitsu to stumble out and collapse on the floor. Lee and Jin stared in horror at the nakedness.

"How about now?" Lee asked. Jin shrugged. Yoshimitsu looked up at them before glancing at Lei. He sighed deeply. His eyes were perfectly normal.

"Please note that I am still wearing all my clothes." He muttered.

"Ah forget it, Yoshimitsu. By now they're not going to believe anything we say." Lei said as he got up and corrected his tie. The overall image was incredibly humorous.

"Did you two just…?" Lee finally managed to whisper.

"Told you." Lei said to Yoshimitsu before he turned to Lee. "No we didn't, but by now that doesn't matter, does it?"

"Thanks for the mental image." Jin muttered and rubbed his eyes. Lee blinked slowly, grinned and held out his right hand towards Lei.

"Thanks for coming, see you some other time." He said quickly. Lei stared at his hand, shrugged and shook it. He then walked off.

"I wonder where my pants went…" he mumbled to himself. Yoshimitsu shook Lee's hand and leapt out of the window.

"I hate ninjas…" Lee muttered as he and Jin continued down the hall. They heard the sound of conversation grow stronger. Jin strongly urged Lee to turn around. They turned the corner and saw Paul and Forest standing by a door. They looked up when Lee and Jin arrived. Paul sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Aw, we were too late." He muttered. Forest shrugged.

"Some other time, then."

"Some other time for what?" Lee asked, his eyes in narrow, suspicious slits. Paul and Forest glanced at each other and shrugged. Paul motioned towards the door.

"To defile your boat."

"And your Jacuzzi." Forest added, grinning. Lee tried the door and smirked when he found it was locked.

"We'll see about that." He muttered, took a master key out of his pocket and unlocked the door. He opened a creak in the door and stopped. He pointed at Paul.

"You check first."

"Oh! Diabolic!" Jin squealed, grinning. Paul stuck his head in and checked. He looked somewhat surprised when he yanked his head back out. He gave Lee and Jin a warning look.

"You, um… might not want to see that."

Lee sighed and shook his head slowly.

"What? Has Fergus drowned again?"

Lee and Jin foolishly forced Paul away and opened the door, staring at whatever was inside. There were clothes all over the place, as well as two people in the Jacuzzi, both apparently sleeping heavily. One appeared to be Raven, drooling slightly. And the other was…

"Janitor?" Lee asked, surprised but not chocked. Forest looked over their shoulders.

"Oh, that guy is _cute_…" he purred, smiling. He noticed something lying on the floor. "Hey, what's that?"

The four men in the door looked down. Then they slowly raised their heads again to take a second look at the other man in the Jacuzzi.

"_KING_?" they all gasped simultaneously. King jerked out of sleep and looked around, confused.

"Que…?" he mumbled and rubbed his eyes.

"Oh, my god." Jin whispered. "I… I thought I would never have to see something like this again."

"What about the thing we saw a while back?" Lee asked.

"This is worse."

King caught sight of the people in the door, blinked, and noticed his mask lying on the floor. His hands flew up to his face and he examined it in horror. He then met Lee's eyes.

"You just did it, didn't you?" Lee asked. King didn't reply, instead he shook Raven awake.

"Uhwa…?" he slurred. King leant close to him and hissed something. Raven glanced at the crowd in the door and hissed something back. The crowd watched, slightly bored, as the men debated something. The phrase 'I thought you were that hot American chick' was repeated a couple of times. Raven finally cleared his throat and smiled warmly at the people.

"Um… nothing happened." He said. King slapped his forehead with a groan.

"Idiot! Now they'll never believe us!"

"I mean it!"

"You're just making it worse! It's the Hwoarang-syndrome, idiot!"

"Shut up, kitty."

Silence fell upon the people in the room. Raven glared at King, who glared back. The crowd in the doorway looked in somewhat disgusted interest. Lee leant closer to Jin.

"That was a bad thing, right?" he whispered.

"Yes. Yes, it was." Jin replied. King glared at Raven. Without anyone seeing that he had moved, King had suddenly punched Raven right in the face. He stood still for a while, his arm shaking slightly, before he simply stepped out of the Jacuzzi and began putting his clothes on again. Raven sat slumped against the side of the Jacuzzi, unconscious,with a surprised look on his face. Forest looked at him, then at King.

"Aren't you going to force him into a humiliating Cat woman-suit?"

King shrugged and struggled to get his boots back on.

"What's the point? He wears one for work."

Paul made the drum roll-noise and laughed loudly. Lee glanced at Jin.

"Let's get some coffee and just wait for everyone to get off the boat, alright?"

"Sounds like a good plan."

- - -

Lee sipped his coffee with a happy look on his face. The light breeze rustled his hair. He looked out at the coastline they went by, enjoying the pretty sights. He heard steps behind him.

"Whoa! What the hell is this?" someone cried out behind him. Lee glanced over his shoulder. Jin stared at Jack-5's carcass on deck. He looked up at Lee.

"Have you noticed someone slaughtered a robot here?"

Lee looked down at Jack and shrugged.

"Yeah, but at least he isn't naked."

"Technically…"

"_He isn't naked_!"

"Okay, fine…"

Jin stepped up right next to Lee and looked out over the landscape with a happy sigh. They sipped their coffee. A seagull shrieked somewhere nearby.

"Lee?"

"Hm?"

"Where the hell are we?"

- - -

Bryan opened the cabin door, stretched and sighed happily. He looked around, took a cigarette from his pocket and lit it, enjoying the first one in a long time.

"I feel like a beer." He said to himself with a smile. He glanced over his shoulder. "Do you want a beer?"

Anna mumbled something from inside and turned around in the bed. Bryan shrugged and closed the door. He turned around and found himself face to face with Feng. He took a quick step back with a surprised gasp. Feng looked bad. Horrible, in fact. He had a look of pure horror on his face. Bryan calmed down again, leant closer to Feng and waved his hand in front of his face.

"Hellooo?" he asked. Feng blinked and grimaced, making him look even worse than before.

"Did… did I just agree to marry Nina?" he whispered. Bryan gave him a surprised stare.

"You're getting married?"

"Did I?"

"To Nina?"

"Am I?"

They paused, looking at each other. Feng sighed lightly.

"I think I'll go hang myself."

Bryan grinned and put his arm around his shoulder.

"Nah, you don't have to do that! Let's go beat some people up, that'll make you feel much better!"

Feng looked up at him.

"Violence?" he whispered with a faint hint of happiness in his voice. Bryan nodded slowly. A grin broke out on Feng's face.

"Let's go kill Baek!"

Bryan considered it and shrugged.

- - -

Lee and Jin stood by the gangway, smiling at everyone who came out. There was a large crowd of moderately hung-over people standing on the dock. Ganryu was helped down by some panting Scotsmen. Julia and Marduk came to Lee and Jin. Marduk stretched his hand out.

"I…"

He was interrupted by a hard slap out of nowhere. Julia crossed her arms over her chest.

"I did not give you permission to speak, _male_!"

He rubbed his cheek and frowned at her. He opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind. He looked at Lee and Jin, who grinned at him.

"Thanks for a lovely party." Julia purred at them and hooked her arm in Marduk's. "I'll just go home with my souvenir here."

"Help me." Marduk whispered. Jin put his hand on Marduk's arm, as he couldn't reach higher.

"Jesus will, right?" he asked and laughed loudly. Marduk glared darkly at him as Julia led him down the gangway. Lee and Jin were distracted by the sound of running steps. Bryan and Feng appeared and threw something over the railing before breaking out in hysterical laughter about it. They spewed sarcastic comments towards whatever was down there. After a short while, Baek came up, gasping for air. He coughed and looked up at the laughing men up there.

"Bastards!" he called, which just made them laugh even harder.

"Alright, break it up here." Lee said loudly, motioning them down towards the docks. Lee stopped Bryan and pointed at Jack-5.

"Could you take him with you?"

Bryan shrugged, grabbed Jack's foot and dragged him along with him. Jin shook Lee's hand and followed Bryan down the gangway. The Scotsmen came along and pulled it up after them. The crowd suddenly fell silent.

"Hey, where's my car?" Ganryu called out. Some people began mumbling. Asuka helped Baek out of the water.

"And where's the bus?" Marshall asked. As if they were all one, the crowd looked up at Lee on his boat. He grinned nervously, opened his mouth as if to explain and suddenly rushed away.

"GO! GO! GO!" he cried out. Lee's darling Ship left shore quickly, Lee laughing hysterically in the rear of it, pointing at the crowd. The crowd looked after him.

"I get a feeling that something horrible just happened." Bruce stated. They looked around. Ling pointed at something inland.

"Isn't that the Eiffel-tower?" she asked. The crowd turned around and stared at it. There was a complete silence.

"Well, shit on a stick." Paul said, his eyes wide open in surprise. Forest's eyes gleamed with happiness.

"Oh my GOD!" he squealed happily. "We're in San Francisco!"

"Okay, okay, okay!" Heihachi called, stepping up on a crate to be heard over the crowd. "It's obvious we need a leader here, i.e. me. Apparently that little bastard Lee dumped us all in France, so we have to find a way to get back home again!"

The crowd agreed. Heihachi nodded.

"So!" he said loudly, looking at the people. "Does anyone have money for a taxi?"


	16. Epilouges

**Nevermind, you're too hot:** Alright, peoples, this is the very last chapter. It's very stupid but you're probably used to that by now.Some of the characters have now dropped the behaviours they had adopted earlier, it's because we were a bit lazy. Alright, screw that, I got a bit lazy since I had to write all of this and no matter how sad it might sound, I have a real life too.Some of the characters appear in several epilouges, this is not because we want to passionately hump them, it's because we just thoughtthey fit in there.

As I said, this is the last chapter. We had a lot of fun doing this story (except the actual writing-the-good-ideas-that-don't-look-as-good-on-paper-as-gasped-between-fits-of-laughter, I always get stuck with that boring part that is logic...), I got random chestpains of happiness caused by the fanfiction-mails in my inbox and I hope we brought some smiles to your faces. That's right. Everyone of your faces.

Leave your review on the way out.

- - -

**EPILOGUES**

**Vacation?**

Yoshimitsu and Eddy sat by a table in a generic, smoky French cafeteria. Eddy looked around, slightly bored already. Yoshimitsu's head lay against the surface of the table, next to an empty bowl. He suddenly jerked his head up. He was grinning and his eyes were quite kaleidoscopic. Again.

"So anyway, I said to myself I said… HEY, STUPID! And then this guy see, he turned around and that's when I got to see the popcorn flowers bloom in the heated microwave, but I was TOO LATE though, they had already bloomed and changed colour from white to black and smelly." He rambled, grinning happily all along. Eddy nodded slowly and looked up at the roof.

"I wonder if I can be a politician by saying that we are the good guys and the bad guys are bad as long as they don't do something good, then we can take the credit for it like when aliens attack or something, and then WE'LL be the heroes again, unless they come in war then it's their fault." He pondered and paused for a short while. "They brought the aliens here."

"True, true…"

They were quiet for a little while before Eddy dug into his pocket and, completely without reason, gave Yoshimitsu his cell phone. Yoshimitsu stared at it, dialled a random three-digit number and held the phone to his ear.

"Yeah, hello, I want pizza in the bed tomorrow at three o'clock in the morning…" he paused for a while before he smiled in a disturbingly fake way. "Sorry sir, but this is the Chemistry Club, wanna join!"

Eddy glared at him and took the phone back.

"Hell no." he muttered. Yoshimitsu looked at the empty bowl and raised his hand.

"Excuse me, waitress!" he called out, pointing at the bowl when she came to them. "The soup seems to be missing."

The waitress took a small step backwards, smiling nervously.

"Monsieur… You _ate_ that soup. Remember?"

Yoshimitsu blinked quickly and frowned at her.

"Oh yeah, well there's a fly in it and I don't want it!"

"Yeah!" Eddy added.

"Yeah."

"Yeah!"

The waitress rolled her eyes, took the empty bowl and walked away. Eddy and Yoshimitsu looked at each other.

"We're dumbasses." Eddy chuckled.

"Yeah."

They broke out into incoherent laughter. Eddy suddenly snorted, which startled Yoshimitsu and made him look up at the ceiling.

"What the hell was that!" he hissed. Eddy chuckled again.

"Dude, you're hilarious and not me, know why?"

Yoshimitsu glared at him.

"Because you're not a funny clown, Eddy."

Eddy leant back from him, giving him a worried stare.

"Now you're creeping me out, man." He said quietly. Yoshimitsu shook his head.

"Sorry, dude. I will never attack Godzilla again!"

"Yeah, stay away from Godzilla, what has he ever done to you?"

Yoshimitsu stared at him.

"Eh? WHAT?"

"Aaah!" Eddy cried out, startled. "Dude, you scared me again."

"Sorry."

They were quiet for a while again. Yoshimitsu looked at the midget bouncer at the door, who was holding a bottle of champagne, and frowned slightly.

"Hey, man… whatever happened to that boat man, cuz I don't know maybe Lee…" he paused to hiccup violently. "…kicked us out, you remember?"

Eddy rolled his eyes and sighed deeply.

"Dude, you talk non-grammar. Let's walk over to the bar!"

"Yes!" Yoshimitsu replied happily. They got up from the table and unsteadily walked to the counter, where the waitress looked at them suspiciously. Eddy leant against the counter and grinned flirtingly at her.

"Excuse me, I want a room and several pizza." He purred.

"Yeah." Yoshimitsu added. The waitress gave him a weak smile and made a discreet gesture towards the bouncer, who sighed.

"But this champagne is two years old!" he moaned quietly in French. She gestured a little bit more urgently, which made him sigh, walk towards them and climb up on a table behind Eddy. Yoshimitsu gave him a questioning look as the bouncer raised the bottle and smacked it in the back of Eddy's head. It gave a humorous little clink. Eddy looked up at the ceiling.

"…the hell?" he mumbled. The bouncer added some more strength to the hit and this time managed to smash it against his head, making Eddy collapse to the floor. Yoshimitsu looked down at him and then at the bouncer.

"So… how long will he be out?" he asked. The bouncer shrugged slightly.

"Half an hour?" he suggested.

"What'll I do to amuse myself now?" Yoshimitsu moaned. The bouncer sighed and dug into his pocket, presenting a deck of cards.

"I'll give you this if you drag him out."

Yoshimitsu squealed happily, took the deck of cards and dragged Eddy out on the street.

- - -

Yoshimitsu grinned, took the Ace of Spades and flicked it at Eddy's face. He then giggled happily. About half of the deck already laid spread around his head, some of the cards sticking to his face. Eddy suddenly sat up, groaning as he rubbed a lump at the back of his head.

"What happened?" he mumbled. Yoshimitsu shook his head quickly.

"I didn't suck champagne from your hair!" he exclaimed loudly. Eddy gave him a questioning look. Yoshimitsu glanced nervously from side to side.

"Um… I don't know."

They looked at each other for a long while again. Eddy sighed deeply.

"I wanna go home. Where's Lee and the rest of the Japaneseses at this hour, Yoshimitsu?"

"At Japaniah?"

"Yeah… where's that?"

"Uhm…" Yoshimitsu pointed in a random direction. "That way?"

"You sure?"

"No. Let's ask for directions!" he said loudly, stood up and formed his hands to a funnel around his mouth.

"WHERE'S JAPANIAH?" he called out. Two French guys were walking past and stopped, staring at them. They looked at each other.

"East!" one of them finally replied. Yoshimitsu stroked his chin, considering it.

"Oh, yeah…? Eats?"

Eddy's head jerked up.

"Pizza?"

Yoshimitsu grinned wildly.

"Yeah pizza!"

"Where's pizza now?" Eddy screeched. Yoshimitsu gave him a questioning glance.

"In Japaniah?"

"PIE!"

Yoshimitsu shuddered.

"No…! Hell no…!"

Eddy looked at the two French guys who were still staring.

"HOW MANY MILES TO JAPANIAH?" he cried out, unnecessarily loud. The Frenchmen looked at each other. One of them shrugged slightly.

"600…?" he suggested.

"Oh yeah…" Eddy mumbled and seemed to realize something. "We're really gonna need a cab. Got cash?"

Yoshimitsu dug in his pocket.

"Yeaah… about three bucks and 30 grams of catnip, dude." He replied and chuckled, looking at the small bag of catnip with a grin.

- - -

The taxi driver looked back at his passengers in the rear view mirror. They had told him they wanted to go to some place called 'Japaniah', which he thought was Japan. He looked at the taximeter. They had 598 more miles to go, if they were right about that. He cleared his throat.

"Okay…" he began. He had a thick, French accent. "I'm thinking about a famous rock band."

Eddy looked up.

"Uhm… T'Who?"

Yoshimitsu glared at him.

"Eddy, you're stupid. It's not The Who. It's…" he took a deep breath. "…IRON MAIDEN!" he cried out and began insane head-banging. After a short while, Eddy and the driver joined in. Yoshimitsu stopped and looked a bit light-headed.

"Whoa… Boskonovitch told me not to do that anymore…"

- - -

_Just a mile later…_

Eddy sighed deeply and tapped the driver's shoulder.

"Are we there yet?" he moaned. Yoshimitsu poked his head out between the front seats. He was drooling slightly.

"Can we stop for eye-scream?" he asked, grinning. The driver sighed, rolled his eyes and turned the radio on instead. Eddy noticed the taximeter.

"Wow… Yoshimitsu, look at all the numbers!"

Yoshimitsu looked at it.

"Yeah… and it's growing!"

They stared at it, grinning in a fascinated way. The driver smiled evilly to himself.

**Words of the King**

The audience roared for more.

King looked up from his just recently fallen foe, eyeing the cheering crowd, breathing heavily. Small drips of sweat ran down his throat. He clenched and relaxed his fists, waiting for whatever might happen next. He felt a surge of adrenalin and grinned under the mask, enjoying the thrill only this might give him. He looked down at his beaten adversary. He made a snorting sound at him and took a few steps to the side. He leant down and picked up a microphone being offered to him. He stared out again, his eyes hit over and over by the flashes from cameras, the roaring sound from the crowd never diminishing. He raised the microphone to his mouth, hearing his own breath multiplied. He smirked under the mask again, pointed out towards the audience and began his speech.

The crowd finally fell silent, surprised by the long monologue of only snarling sounds coming from the man in the wrestling ring. He didn't seem to notice, continuing his speech without even a stutter. He finally stopped, breathing quickly. No one in the entire room said a single word. King looked around again, waiting for something. The spotlight went out with a depressing click. King bowed his head down with a disappointed 'rawr'.

**Come On!**

Jin stared down at the ground, correcting his gloves with a stern look on his face. He could hear Paul and Forest talking to each other in quiet voices behind him, most likely discussing something of little importance, as usual. They stood in a completely abandoned parking lot, with just a few trees here and there. Jin glanced up at the sky, breathing deeply to calm himself down. The rain-heavy clouds made the sky looked imposing and just served to make the town landscape look even more depressing than usual. The first few raindrops fell. He noticed the two men behind him had stopped their talking. He clenched his fists.

"Hey, Kazama!" Paul called out, smiling to himself. "You ready yet?"

Jin turned around, immediately going into battle-stance.

"Come on." He said shortly and gritted his teeth. Paul remained in his battle-stance for just a few moments more. He blinked and frowned at Jin.

"Did you just call me a small, colourful fish?" he asked, pointing accusingly at Jin. Jin raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"No, I…" he began.

"Oh, that's it, you son of a…!" Paul interrupted, once again going into battle-stance. "Salmon!" he called, grinning somewhat evilly. Forest looked at Jin again, as if awaiting a witty response. Jin shook his head slowly.

"I didn't…!" he tried to explain, but was interrupted again by a noise, rapidly growing louder.

"Shaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrk!" Yoshimitsu cried out at he leapt down from a nearby rooftop, landing in a very impressive pose. The three fighters already there stared at him.

"That's pretty cool." Forest noted. Marshall appeared out of nowhere.

"Seahorse." He said loudly, stopping right next to Forest, who glanced at him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. Marshall shrugged. A motorcycle pulled up to a nearby house, the driver leaping off it almost immediately. Hwoarang glared at them all.

"Seagull." He said. Paul shook his head at him. Hwoarang thought for a moment.

"Um… tuna?" he said hesitantly, looking at Paul, who shrugged. A woman came running out of nowhere, stopping just a bit away from Jin and Paul. She grinned at the fighters.

"Octopus!" Asuka exclaimed. The gathering was quiet for a while, as if waiting for something. They all looked at Forest at the same time. He looked around.

"Oh! Um… squid!" he said. Asuka glared at him and put her hand on her side.

"Octopus and squid is the same thing!" she complained. Forest mimicked her enraged stance almost identically.

"No! Squid is sexier…" he replied, for some unknown reason lisping heavily, and made a strange, purring sound. Jin gave him an unbelieving look.

"What the hell is _wrong_ with you?" he asked. Paul and the Laws glared at him. Yoshimitsu finally broke his impressive pose and raised his hands questioningly.

"Is there going to be a fight or what?" he asked, looking around at all the fighters. Jin glared at Paul.

"Screw it. I'm too angry to fight now." He muttered and walked away, randomly kicking the ground. Paul and the Laws looked at each other.

"So… let's grab some sushi." Paul suggested happily, clapping his hands together. Hwoarang looked at them hopefully.

"Can I come?" he asked. The three older men looked at each other.

"No." they all said simultaneously. Hwoarang looked down on the ground with a disappointed, quiet moan.

**Craig Marduk: The Kangaroo Hunter**

Marduk grinned into the camera, trying to look the least intimidating as possible. He waved cheerfully.

"Hello, mates, and welcome to another episode of The Kangaroo Hunter! Tonight we're going to try and catch the rarely seen Red Kangaroo!" he said with an uncharacteristically exaggerated Australian accent and held up a picture of a quite ordinary kangaroo in front of the camera. It looked like he had drawn it himself. The cameraman snickered quietly. Marduk ignored him.

"Alright, this is one sneaky bugger, so we're gonna try to… oh, there's one right there."

He pointed to the side. The cameraman turned the camera that way, revealing a whole pack of kangaroos. Marduk cleared his throat.

"Um… yeah. Well, we can't just sneak up on these, as you all know."

Flashback! Another episode, where a kangaroo grazed quietly on a grassy hill. Marduk suddenly leaped out of a bush, screaming incoherently as he ran towards it. The kangaroo gave him a calm look, slowly raised his leg and gave him a killer kick to the nuts. Marduk collapsed in a heap of human pain, screaming shrilly. In the background, the cameraman's sadistic chuckling can be heard. Back to today's episode.

"Alright! Now I'm dressed up as a bird!" Marduk exclaimed happily and put his hands in his sides, grinning towards the camera, wearing a hilarious blue bird suit. He turned towards the pack of kangaroos, grinning wildly as he glanced towards the camera.

"Now let's see if they fall for it, mates!" he said and ran off, making funny bird noises. The cameraman giggled to himself as Marduk ran around in circles, jumped around and actually made a few somersaults, just to confuse the kangaroos, who weren't interested in him. As he came closer, they just took a few steps away. Marduk finally gave up on the bird thing and tried to attack one, which gracefully avoided him. Marduk remained on the ground for a while, breathing heavily, before he got up and jogged back to the cameraman, stripping himself of the bird suit.

"Alright." He said to the camera, wiping some sweat from his brow. "I think I've been using the completely wrong tactic here. So now I'm going to try to take one out from a distance."

He accepted a boomerang from the cameraman, took careful aim and simply threw it towards the kangaroos. The two men looked at it disappearing over the kangaroos' heads. Marduk stomped the ground.

"Crikey! It just won't work!" he snarled. "Alright, that's it. Now I'm using my own boomerang!"

He then disappeared out of sight for a while and returned with a humongous boomerang. He weighed it in his hand and grinned.

"Let's see those buggers dodge this!" he snarled and threw it towards them. The cameraman turned the camera after it. No one said anything for a long while.

"Crikey! It's coming back!" Marduk shouted and leapt to the side with a frightened, funny noise. The boomerang crashed into the ground, right where Marduk used to be. The cameraman filmed Marduk on the ground, protecting his head with his arms. He looked up.

"Right, those buggers come right back." He said, grinning sheepishly. "I'd forgotten."

Without warning, the first boomerang came out of nowhere and smacked into Marduk's head, right above his ear. Marduk passed out without a sound. The cameraman kept filming him. He poked his head with his foot.

"Mr. Marduk? Sir?" he asked with a stereotypical cracking teen-voice, sounding a bit more worried each second. He spun the camera around and filmed himself.

"Um… join us next week for the, um… breathtaking conclusion… I'm the cameraman. Bye." he said and smiled hesitantly. In the background, you could hear Marduk's unconscious grunts.

**Making Him a Man**

Jin mumbled incoherently and opened his eyes, looking around. He didn't recognize the room. It took a long while before he realized he wasn't even _in_ a room. He looked around more closely and wondered for a moment just why he was chained to a rocket. A huge rocket.

Seemingly aimed towards space.

He noticed a lift coming up towards him. In it was Heihachi, Kazuya and an old man in a wheelchair, apparently sleeping. The first two glared at him. The lift came to a stop right in front of him. Jin gave them all puzzled looks.

"What the hell is going on here?" he asked.

"We're sick of you wussing around all the time!" Heihachi snarled at him.

"Yeah!" Kazuya added. "You're dragging our good family name into the dirt."

"I don't even have your name."

Heihachi and Kazuya glanced at each other.

"Shut up." Heihachi said shortly. He poked the older man.

"Got anything to say, dad?" he asked him. Jinpachi slurred something and went back to sleep. Heihachi shrugged.

"Oh well. Enjoy space, Jin! Let's go."

He picked up a remote control from his pocket. Kazuya stopped him by raising his hand.

"Wait, wait, wait! I want to spit at him!"

"Alright, just hurry up…"

Kazuya grinned evilly at Jin before he began sucking in air through his nose. He made a disgusting, wet sound and spat right in Jin's face.

"You are the weakest link! Goodbye!" he said quickly and cackled evilly as Heihachi lowered the lift again. The three men went up on a nearby hill, looking down on the rocket below them. Heihachi crossed his arms, smirking.

"Right! It's good to get rid of that brat once and for all."

"I second that."

Jinpachi woke up again and looked around, disoriented.

"Wussgoingon…?" he slurred. Heihachi poked his shoulder and pointed towards the rocket.

"Your great grandson is on that rocket. We're finally going to kill him off."

"Great grandson! I have one of those?" Jinpachi asked unnecessarily loudly. Heihachi rolled his eyes.

"Of course. Kazuya had to go through that 'teenage rebellion' thing and didn't just settle for piercing his nipple."

Kazuya sighed.

"Dad. That's a gay thing." He mumbled darkly. Heihachi ignored him and offered Jinpachi a remote control.

"Do you want to launch it, dad?"

Jinpachi looked up at him and frowned.

"Who the hell are you?" he asked. Heihachi grimaced.

"Dad… I'm your son!" He said with an unusually hurt tone of voice. Jinpachi frowned at him.

"I have a son?"

"Yes! See, I even got a paper to prove it!"

He dug into his pocket and shoved a paper in Jinpachi's face.

"See?"

Jinpachi stared blankly at it. Kazuya gave a frustrated sigh.

"Why did you bring him back to life, anyway?"

"I told you! For the dramatic effect! Plus, I couldn't stop him."

"Stop?"

"Mishima Family, Kazuya." Heihachi explained, giving him the 'you're-an-idiot-look'. "Death doesn't simply happen here."

"Oh, right."

They paused for a moment.

"So, will Jin drift around in space and remain alive or something?" Kazuya asked. Heihachi shrugged. Jinpachi leant forward and looked at Kazuya.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I'm your grandson." Kazuya replied with a sigh. Jinpachi blinked. Heihachi shook his head slowly.

"Never mind, just fire the damn rocket already."

Jinpachi looked down at the remote control and muttered to himself as he tried to remember which button to press. Heihachi sighed and rolled his eyes.

"The yellow one, dad."

Jinpachi gave him a puzzled look.

"Yellow…?"

Kazuya pulled his hair with a funny little angry snarl.

"It's a colour! A damn colour! Like your blanket!"

Jinpachi looked down.

"Well, what do you know, I pissed myself." He stated without any real interest. Heihachi and Kazuya took a step away from him. Jinpachi pushed the button. The rocket ignited and took off with an impressive show. The three Mishimas smiled at it as it disappeared into the sky.

"Well, that's that." Heihachi sighed happily.

No one said anything for a while.

"Now what?" Kazuya asked. Heihachi sighed again, not quite as happily.

"Yeah, I miss that wimp already. I mean… you could punch him when you felt like it."

"Should we bring him back and just beat him to death? It would feel more rewarding."

"Yeah, let's do that. Grandpa?"

Jinpachi jerked out of sleep again. He mumbled sleepily and looked around.

"Just bring the rocket back, grandpa." Kazuya mumbled. Jinpachi looked at the remote control.

"Which button was that for?"

"Aaah, just try something, I'm too rich to care."

Jinpachi pressed a random button. A light flashed high in the sky and the rocket suddenly appeared out of nowhere, crashing into the base. The three Mishimas stared at it in chock.

"Oops." Jinpachi finally said quietly. Heihachi shrugged.

"Don't think about it. I do that kind of stuff all of the time."

Kazuya looked down on the flaming inferno.

"Well… I suppose you don't have a Jin-clone lying around?"

"No need for it! There he is!" Heihachi exclaimed and pointed at the winged man walking towards them. Heihachi crossed his arms with a warm smile.

"Aw, he looks so _angry_!"

Kazuya stared at him.

"He should have been dead by now! How the hell did he survive that!"

Jinpachi and Heihachi glared at him. Kazuya realized what the answer was and laughed nervously.

"Oh, right… Mishima bloodline…" he said quietly. Heihachi bent down, picked up a rock, stood up slowly and simply threw the small rock right in Kazuya's head.

"Ow." He said without any real feeling and rubbed his head while he looked down on Jin, who was coming closer. Heihachi sighed happily again.

"Aw, he's a real man now, isn't he? Just like when you crawled out of the volcano."

There was a short silence.

"You bastard." Kazuya finally replied. Heihachi wiped a tear from his eye and put his arms around Kazuya's shoulders.

"And now your son is a barely human creature bent on world-domination too!"

They stood silently for a while.

"Wow." Kazuya finally said, as if it was a great truth that had just dawned on him. "We really never should've had kids."

"Yeah, I know."

They looked down at Jin again.

"He's coming closer, you know." Kazuya said.

"Yup."

Heihachi slowly stretched his arm out to the side and gave Jinpachi's wheelchair a light push. He didn't wake up as he rolled down towards painful, certain death.

"RUN!" Heihachi yelled. They ran their separate ways, ignoring the painful sounds that was heard when Jin met the wheelchair.

**Shopping Spree!**

Feng leant against the wall in the mall, giving the by passers bored looks. He sighed deeply and looked at the clock for what must have been the sixth time. He sighed deeply and tapped his arm with his fingers.

"Hi honey."

He looked up at Nina and immediately noticed something wrong.

"What is that?" he asked sharply. Nina removed the sunglasses from her head, grinning.

"Oh, I just got them from that store over there. Do you like them?"

Feng stared at her in surprise.

"That store…? Nina, you were just supposed to go to the bathroom!"

"And I did, but then I noticed that they had scented candles…"

"What, you bought scented candles, too?"

"Just a few!"

"But we're just here to get important stuff, not scented candles and sunglasses!"

Nina rolled her eyes at him.

"Feng, I'm practically a millionaire. If I feel like buying sunglasses, I buy some sunglasses."

Feng glared at her.

"We are just here to get a bag of sugar, conditioner and light-bulbs. That's it! So that should be the only things we buy!"

"But that doesn't matter! I think I've killed enough people over the years to buy the whole mall! Money is not a problem!"

Feng dug into his pocket and quickly brought out a small wrinkled paper. He unfolded it and showed it to her, pointing at it.

"See! Sugar, conditioner and light-bulbs! It's on _the list_!"

"But…"

"We should just _follow the damn list_!" he almost shouted at her.

"Screw the list!" she shouted back. They glared darkly at each other for a while before they realized they had attracted a lot of attention. They glared at the by passers for a while until they begun minding their own business again. Feng took a deep breath.

"Now can we follow the list… _please_!" he snarled at her. She crossed her arms.

"I just don't see the point."

Feng raised his hands in a devastated way and tore the little piece of paper to shreds. He then sighed deeply.

"I never should have married you." He muttered. She glared at him some more.

"I want a baby." She said quickly.

"What?"

"Never mind." She said and smiled innocently, putting the sunglasses on his head.

**School's Back in Session**

Baek closed the door behind him and put some books down on the desk. He then sighed deeply and looked up at the class in front on him. Almost thirty teens, equipped with cameras, happily talking about their interests. It made him sick. He sat down and waited for them to quiet down. After about half a minute he gave up.

"SHUT UP!" he roared, surprised to find that they all obeyed him. He looked around.

"Okay, you all know the drill. Turn off your cells, pagers, laptops, iPods and pacemakers. I hope you all left your guns in your lockers today. Don't make me give you detention again."

There were some mutters among the pupils as they turned all their stuff off. Baek nodded to himself.

"I suppose you're all done with today's exercise. Have you all sent your pictures to the file? Let me just turn the projector on here…"

He fiddled a bit with the controls on the projectors and turned the light off. The first picture appeared on the screen.

"Okay, here we have, um… an old lady smelling a flower. Very nice. And…"

He clicked a button on his control.

"…something that looks like a dog. Is it a dog?"

A pupil in the back of the class nodded quickly.

"Hm… it's too fuzzy, I think you have to work on that. And here we have…"

He clicked again. The class gasped.

"What the hell is this?" he shouted. A pupil raised his hand.

"Oh! It appears to be a naked woman, sir. And a naked man."

Baek rolled his eyes.

"Well, _obviously_… Anyway, this is a rather nice shot." He said, pretty much to himself. He looked closer.

"Well, let's see… It looks very professional actually, the lighting is very nice here, excellent composition in this picture. The woman is pretty hot. But she looks familiar, have I seen her somewhere? Hmmm… maybe from one of those movies I used to watch in my young days… And the man has a very, very nice body, obviously very muscular, short grey hair and – _ohmygodit'sME_!" he spun around and glared at the class. "Who took this picture?"

A young man in the front raised his hand.

"Class dismissed! Everyone except you!" Baek called out and pointed at the man. "You stay…"

Everyone except those two quickly left the room. Baek leant against the young man's desk, glaring at him.

"Have you been sleeping with my wife?" he growled.

"With that cow? No way!"

Baek glanced at the picture.

"She made you do this, didn't she?"

"Yeah. But I guess you can match her."

Baek sighed deeply.

"Alright. How much do I have to pay you to forget this picture ever existed?"

The pupil smiled evilly and leant back against the chair.

"We're speaking the alphabet here." He purred.

"A."

"A plus."

Baek muttered a curse, took a piece of paper from his desk and wrote an "A+" on it. He then put it on the pupil's desk. The pupil suddenly shrugged with a completely oblivious look on his face.

"Picture?" he asked innocently. "What picture?"

After saying that, he immediately pulled a gun out from an unknown place and fired three rounds into the screen. Baek gave it a very unimpressed look.

"How very unnecessary. When you're going to remove evidence, you have to strike at the heart. Like so!"

He took the pupil's gun and walked over to the projector. He cocked the gun and pointed it towards it, smirking evilly.

"See you in hell, projector!" he snarled and fired several rounds into it, cackling maniacally as he did so. Meanwhile, the student looked around and quickly snuck out of the room.

**The Road Trip**

Paul looked around at the beautiful landscape, enjoying the fresh country air as he and Forest quickly rushed through it on his motorcycle. He noticed something in the corner of his eyes and let the speed drop a bit. He then stopped completely. Forest looked around, trying to see what had caught Paul's interest, as Paul got off the motorcycle.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing. Grab a sandwich or something, there's just something here that I've wanted to do for years."

Forest shrugged and got off, stretching. Paul walked up to a fence and gracefully leapt over it. He brushed some dust off his clothes and began advancing upon a cow. Forest rolled his eyes.

"Paul, leave that cow alone!"

"Never!" Paul called back, ran the last few steps and rammed the cow sideways. It didn't even move. Paul gave it a surprised look and frowned. He pushed it again, trying to tip it over. The cow just took a step to the side. Paul gave a frustrated snarl and pushed it one last time.

"Tip over, damn you!" he cried and finally managed to push it out of its balance. The cow collapsed onto its side, still chewing. It looked up on him and sighed. Paul grinned and made a little victory dance. Forest laughed and applauded him.

"Well, congratulations, stranger." A voice with a clear Southern States accent said. Paul turned towards the man walking towards him. He had a straw hat, a pair of jeans with shoulder-straps and a straw in his mouth. He was a typical, southern state stereotype. He touched the brim of his hat, as if greeting Paul.

"Only one Yankee's ever managed to tip ol' Bess over before. You've got ta be real tough. Say, you wanna take a shot at tippin' over good ol' Pussy?"

Paul gave him a surprised look.

"You want me to tip over your _what_?"

"Pussy. He's ma bull, see?"

"Oh. Sure, why not?"

The farmer grinned at him.

"Name's Graham! Why dontcha bring your slant-eyed friend over there to ma farm and you can try to tip over Pussy."

Paul returned to Forest, looking slightly confused.

"What was that all about?" Forest asked.

"Oh, I just agreed to tip over his Pussy."

"Tip over his _what_?"

"Yeah, that's what I said." Paul said as he got back up on the motorcycle again. He grinned at Forest. "Wanna look?"

Forest shrugged and got up on the motorcycle behind Paul. They drove off to Graham's farm, just a little bit away. As they parked on the yard, a young man came up to them.

"Dad's in the barn. You sure you wanna do this, stranger?"

Paul shrugged and grinned at him before walking towards the farm. Forest followed not too far behind him. Graham waited inside.

"Now I just gotta warn ya, stranger…" Graham began and spat at the floor before looking up at Paul again. "…that Pussy is the meanest, most vicious and sadistic bull the Southern States has ever seen."

He paused.

"_Ever_!" he added. Paul and Forest glanced at each other.

"So I'm giving you a choice here. You can either tip ol' Pussy over, or Ferdinand here."

He pointed at an extremely fat pig in a small enclosure. Paul looked at it.

"Naah, I think I can take that Pussy."

"Alright, stranger. Right this way…"

He led them out on the back yard, pointing towards what looked like a bunker.

"We keep Pussy in there, see. Normal fences ain't doin' nothing to keep him in, see. Now that fence is three feet of reinforced steel, cost me a fortune."

Forest pointed at the gate.

"How come the gate is wooden, then?"

Graham smiled somewhat sadistically and told the story as he led them around the back of Pussy's enclosure.

"Oh, we had a visit from this 'Fury' fellow a few weeks back, see. Said somethin' about 'restoring his manhood' or some such. So I said to him, I said: who dontcha knock ma Pussy over? He said he would. I ain't never seen someone run like that, I tells ya. He tore the gate down and ran out to the woods the second time he tried to escape. And here's where he tried to run the first time."

He pointed at a bulge in the reinforced steel. Paul and Forest stared at the shape of a very frightened man. They could even see the facial expression. Forest chuckled and pointed at it.

"Hey, I know this guy! He's…!"

He got a chocked look on his face and fell silent as he realized who the Fury guy was. He glanced at Paul.

"Paul, I really don't think you should mess with this bull."

Paul waved the warning away and walked back with Graham to the wooden gate. Graham unlocked it quietly and looked at Paul.

"You ready, stranger?"

Paul nodded and darted through the door as Graham opened it. He quickly closed the gate again and locked it tightly before turning towards Forest with a grin.

"We can check how he fares from up here." He said and climbed up on the wall. Forest followed and found himself looking down on what seemed to be a Gladiator's arena. Paul stood at one end and a big, shadowy figure at the other. Paul grinned and began walking towards in with very self-confident steps. The shadowy figure turned towards him, revealing a pair of red, glowing eyes. Paul's smile died away almost immediately. The figure snorted and suddenly charged him. Paul's pained howl could be heard for miles. Graham laughed loudly.

"Go Pussy!" he cheered and cackled again, wiping tears from his eyes. Forest stared with his mouth hanging open. He reached down towards Paul.

"TAKE MY HAND!" he shouted. Paul crawled towards him, stretching his hand out. He had almost reached Forest as he felt something carefully bite his pants, dragging him back, screaming. This time Forest turned his face away with a whimper. Graham's hysterical laughing died out and he offered Paul a stick, helping him out of the arena. Pussy continued to thrash around in there, now excited. Graham still chuckled at Paul while Forest helped him to his feet.

"On second thought…" Paul gasped. "…I think I'll take that Ferdinand."

Paul stumbled towards the barn, still leaning on Forest, Graham walking in front of them. Paul suddenly whined.

"He laughed when he broke my toes, one by one…! And I think he burned me with cigarettes when you weren't watching!" he moaned. Forest patted his head.

"There, there. We'll just let you tip a pig over and then we can go home, okay?"

"Okay…" Paul sobbed. "…I think he drunk some sheep's blood…"

Graham waited by Ferdinand's enclosure. Paul left Forest and jumped down into his little pit, looking at the mud-covered creature. He carefully took a step forward and poked it. When nothing happened, he pushed it. It fell to the side without any resistance. Paul smiled happily and looked up at Forest.

"Did you see that? I tipped a pig over!"

"Good for you, Paul!"

Graham rolled the straw in his mouth to the side and smirked.

"That was easy, wasn't it?"

Paul gave him a suspicious look.

"Yes…?" he said hesitantly. Graham took the straw out and grinned evilly.

"Ferdinand! Kill!" he ordered loudly. The pig immediately flew up to his feet, howling angrily at Paul, who decided not to take any chances and quickly leapt out of the enclosure. Ferdinand slammed into the wall and continued trying to get out to attack Paul. Forest helped him back up on his feet. Paul gave Graham a devastated look.

"Isn't there any creature here that isn't a _monster_?"

Forest patted Paul's shoulder and pointed at a corner.

"That should cheer you up." He said, pointing at an almost disturbingly cute, white kitten there. Paul smiled weakly and walked up to it.

"Hey little fella…" he purred and stretched his hand out towards it. He heard a hiss and felt a sharp pain in his finger.

"Those cats are a little suspicious, stranger. It's practically a wild cat, not a house cat." Graham told him from the side of the enclosure. Paul looked at a little wound on his index finger.

"What a quick little bastard…" he muttered and raised his other hand to wipe a small drop off blood off. He found himself staring at his other arm, which was covered in miniature cuts. It also ran up on his shoulders and down on his other arm. He looked down on his chest and noticed thousands of small holes in it. He stared at it.

"He tore my…! But it was _leather_, for crying out loud!" he whined. The cat still sat on its place, licking a little blood off its white paw with what seemed to be a diabolic smirk. Paul stumbled back from it and fell into Forest's arms with a frightened sob. Graham nodded slowly and scratched his chin.

"Yep. Natural born killers." He stated. Paul glared at him and pointed at him.

"You're sick! You're a sick, twisted man! And all your animals too!" he cried out and pointed towards the kitten. "Especially you!"

He then burst into tears, leaning against Forest.

"Oh, Forest, get me out of this hell-hole…" he sobbed quietly. Forest smiled nervously to Graham.

"He'll be fine, we'll just go home." He excused them and quickly half led, half dragged Paul out of the barn towards the motor cycle. Graham waved after them.

"Come back any time you want to, you hear?"

He waited for a while before he sighed.

"I better feed Pussy then." he said to himself, took a bucket from a shelf and walked out. He noticed that the motor cycle still stood there, Paul sitting on it. Forest came running, leapt up on it and sped away, leaving a long track on the yard. Graham looked after them, shrugged and turned around towards Pussy's pen. He stopped and stared, his mouth hanging open.

"The bastards unleashed Pussy upon the cows! Damn!" he cursed loudly and slammed the bucket onto the ground.

"Goddammit!" he added and threw his straw hat down along with it. His son came running from the house.

"What's wrong, pa?" he asked. Graham put his arm around his shoulder and pointed towards the cows.

"My son, that's how baby cows are made."

The boy made a disgusted sound, turned around and threw up behind a bush. Graham shook his head.

"Damn Yankees." He muttered.

_**The End**_


End file.
